No contact woes, ahhhh

[Amanda1990]

I started a long distance relationship with a guy about 9 months ago. I am in Europe, he is in the USA. We started off as just friends talking online, and it gradually progressed into constant talking and messaging everyday, falling asleep on skype together etc. It was difficult with the time zone difference but I made it work as I really enjoyed our time together.

 

I was due to visit him in february, flight tickets paid for, and everything seemed fine. I was however in an accident at the end of january, and couldnt go. My sister kept him informed of what was going on while I was in hospital. We could message each other when I was awake in there, but that was all.

 

When I came home, he got paranoid and accused me of faking it all as there was nothing in my local news or police reports about it. I was upset and furious. It was nearly 3 weeks after the accident happened that it was reported in my local paper. I didn't even know it had been published. I suddenly get a message from him saying 'maybe you were telling the truth'. In my mind, things had already ended with us, if he could doubt me over something like that and think I was capable of such a lie, it wouldn't ever work out.

 

I spent a few days just thinking about it all, and kind of thought well maybe he had a point, it would look suspicious to an outsider, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge and give us another chance. So we talk, and I thought we had it figured out. Things went back to how they were for a few days, and then suddenly he stops wanting to talk to me, saying the distance is too much and he only wants to be friends and be free to see other people and do whatever he wants. This isn't what I want at all, and I don't think I can cope with it. I tried to talk him into some middle ground, but he won't.

 

So I decided the best thing is to just end it completely and do the whole NC thing. I'm managing to do it, even though he messages me at random, saying he misses me etc etc. I've not replied. The problem is, in 6 months time, I will be moving to the USA for my post grad work. It won't be in the same state he is in, but it will be a 3 hour or so drive away. I really like this guy and want to be with him, but I can't do just friends, but at the same time I don't want to say this is the end when there's a chance things could work out in 6 months time.

 

Has anyone else done NC for a set amount of time, then when distance is less of an issue, been able to work things out? Or am I just being stupid and clinging to the hope of getting what I want when logic dictates he doesn't want the same thing?

[cerridwen]

The problem as I see it is all the effort would continue to come from your side.

 

You may not want this to end but he seems to be uninterested in trying to work things out.

So, where does that leave you?

Doing all the work once again, including trying to make it fly once you relocate to the U.S..

He knows you're moving here, right?

Has he said he'd like to reevaluate things once you do?

 

You're not stupid for wanting to hold on.

But it may be in your best interest to let go for the time being.

If things are to work out, they must be more equitable.

He's going to need to indicate interest and follow it up with effort.

Edited March 3, 2013 by cerridwen