smallserenity Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together for a blissful 3 years now. He's almost 30 and I am 27. My career is golden and rosy here in Australia, but my boyfriend's dream career lies overseas in the USA. He is ambitious and hard working, and he is sad that many of his friends have moved to US and doing greater things. Last 2 years he has stayed in Australia for me, but he has made his decision to move now. Soon he will take off for US, and there is no plans for return. He wants me to go with him, but my parents do not like him and refuse me to go overseas. Myself is uncertain because my salary will be halved if I move to the US, and my 10 years of hard work for my current career will be wasted. It's crunch time: I want to be with my boyfriend because he makes me happy. If he stays in Australia, he'd be unhappy about his career. Whereas if I go to US I'd be unhappy about mine. I don't think we can survive a long distance relationship when there is no hope of of reunion, especially we are both not young anymore and are looking to settle down. Can someone please give me a suggestion? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Not really, other than the options you have at the moment.... and frankly, I'd stay put. There are more things standing against you moving with him, than staying where you are. If he stayed, it would be a point of resentment if you break up. If you go with him - well, ditto.... I hate to say it, and I'm sure I sound cynical, but finding a good job and a stable home, can sometimes be more of an advantage than being in a relationship..... And I think you'd be better off drawing this one to a close, myself. Harsh, sad, but then, to use a cliché - Nothing Lasts for Ever. I realise it won't be easy. But in the long run, you really need to do what's best for you, and use your head - not your heart - to make that decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lavenderlove Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 If I were you I would take this as a massive warning sign. Just think about it. He is willing to sacrifice you for his career. He is not planning to come back. Did he offer you, that if you went with him he would look after you, because your salary would be less? Was the US ever a plan for the both of you to consider to do together? Is this the kind of guy you want by your side for the rest of your life? Make sure you look after yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author smallserenity Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 There is no *immediate* plans for return, he says few years, but it depends on where his career takes him. But i feel this 'few years' will turn into decades... :S Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 There is no *immediate* plans for return, he says few years, but it depends on where his career takes him. But i feel this 'few years' will turn into decades... :S He pretty much chose his career over you. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have done that. You need to find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 There is no *immediate* plans for return, he says few years, but it depends on where his career takes him. But i feel this 'few years' will turn into decades... :S Right.... so, you know already, don't you......? Link to post Share on other sites
juanes Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) Great relationship question: Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? So you dont waste all that time and effort on the wrong mate. Edited March 2, 2013 by juanes it was too long Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Ultimately, it comes down to how much he loves you, I am really really sorry to say. Sounds like while he may love you, it is not enough to keep him around you. There are obviously different levels of love. I know it is harsh, but I do think that if he loved a girl enough, he would have stayed, but rather pleased with her to go with him (and not moved if she truly did not want to go) OR maybe he sees you not going as a sign that you do not love him enough (to go with him) Again this is ONLINE - no one knows how he really feels... I do know that a guy who is 110% in love, as much as they can possible love someone, normally would not move away. Then there are men who do not have a very deep capacity to love, and would have moved even though they do love you as much as they can love a person. You see? Love is a little more complicated then just " he chose his career over you, therefore he does not love you enough" It may be true, but maybe not! Ultimately, I would not want to be with a guy who would move away from me, when he could support himself here in Aus, which is also where I am from... Link to post Share on other sites
lavenderlove Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I agree with Leigh 87 regarding the different levels of feelings males are able to produce. I have just been with one for 8 years, who isn't capable of a lot. Smallserenity you should be happy that this situation has come up and you found out about his character sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
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