Sexually

[samanthaj08]

This might be too personally but I'm a little curious. How do you manage sexually being so far apart?

[czen]

Well, you can send pictures, sext and have camsessions, for example. That's what I did anyway.

[Life'sGood]

From cam.. that's the best we can do. *sigh*

[stevie_23]

My ex and I were long distance (different countries across the world) and online / phone / text only, and also each with other partners, AND with a 14-15 hour time difference. He was never alone in the house (wife and her 3 adult kids) when I was alone in my house, and vice versa, so we were never able to do live cam sessions or Skype or anything. When we were together, it was always gmail chat, emails, texts, and occasional phone calls when we could manage it.

 

Otherwise, we sent videos to each other. Thousands of videos. Just doing whatever (usually casual stuff, driving, eating, cooking, putting on makeup, etc) but also some sexual ones. Mostly though, we did the sex side of things in gmail chat and texting.

[bluegreen]

Camera or sending photos will never even be tought of much less done in my case I don't care if that makes me not cool or prude.

But phone talk perhaps some flirtatious e mail or such is all right been there done that had have to addmit loads of fun both of us ...

[LittleTiger]

We manage great thanks!

 

Our relationship is 3 1/2 years long now and the online sex is a lot less than it was in the beginning. Pretty much the way most long term relationships go. At it like rabbits in the beginning and easing off into a more 'sensible' routine.

 

We have Skype sex and phone sex now and again when we're both in the mood and other than that we still flirt and tease each other on a daily basis.

 

We're still at it like rabbits when we're together though!

[HeavenOrHell]

Skype sex, either just words or camera, we have phases where it's less often, and phases where it's very frequent, like the last few weeks/months.

It brings us closer, we're both very sexual with each other, so it does help.

 

Nothing wrong if people aren't into skype sex with their partner, but for us, two adults in a LTR who we love and trust each other it helps keep our connection and helps release our sexual tension Just two people privately enjoying each other because we love each other.

 

We used to have phone phone sex which was pretty horny, but it progressed into skype sex.

 

We send sexy texts and messages online sometimes as well.

 

I have movies and pics of us, he gets shy about that, so they're more for me than him

[amazingdrummer]

my bf never ask for skype sex, not even sex talk. We talk on skype about...our daily lives. For the whole year. Yeah, I feel kinda strange, I think guy always want to talk about sex or related issues, but..

[asianbrody]

The unfortunate answer is porn.

[LittleTiger]

The unfortunate answer is porn.

 

What's unfortunate about it? There's nothing wrong with using a bit of porn if your partner isn't around. In a LDR nobody can guarantee to be horny at the exact same time as their partner, especially with time differences involved.

 

I think, provided a level of intimacy is maintained in the relationship that works for both partners if one, or both, of you want to use porn the rest of the time, why not?

[Asda]

The best solution is to became asexual. Jogging, cold shower, gym, and fighting club of course( for males). I never asked my former long distance g/f for any crap like that mentioned above. Time is nothing, everyday is the same as yesterday without SO. The problem starts just with a simple question like yours, and it will grow bigger, and BIGGER, and then you will start cheating and your relationships will come to the final end. There is no sex during this type of unhealthy relationships. So everyone is different I guess. And solution to this matter is actually very simple, just do not touch it. You will not loose anything if you will not have sex today or tomorrow or day after tomorrow, just breathe, philosophy. Live in peace with yourself and invisible forces around you will become visible through your internal peace. Good luck.

[taiko]

What's unfortunate about it? There's nothing wrong with using a bit of porn if your partner isn't around. In a LDR nobody can guarantee to be horny at the exact same time as their partner, especially with time differences involved.

 

I think, provided a level of intimacy is maintained in the relationship that works for both partners if one, or both, of you want to use porn the rest of the time, why not?

 

We didn't have a cam or skype so it was a combination of our tapes along with a weekly phone sex date. What I did on my own, alone, during the rest of the week was in the don't ask, don't tell category as far as she was concerned. When the LDR became live in the tapes were destroyed.

[ana0pera]

my bf never ask for skype sex, not even sex talk. We talk on skype about...our daily lives. For the whole year. Yeah, I feel kinda strange, I think guy always want to talk about sex or related issues, but..

 

I wonder about some of the points you make because this is a situation i am in. I don't think all guys want to talk about sex or related issues all the time or a lot even, but I know that with my guy, when we first met his sexual energy was really high. We had a very sexual interaction with some dirty talk, messages, photos, skype sex, etc before we even met (i know, i know, but if it makes it any better there was a year between when we first met online and irl).

 

I asked to stop the photos/skype sex before we met irl and he was fine with it (realized i wasn't too comfortable doing all of that with someone who was still technically a stranger). when we met irl we were intimate, and after we met we started doing skype sex again (this time i was fine with it and even initiated it a lot). But then it stopped and whenever I tried to initiate it he would come up with an excuse, (he doesn't want to make a mess in front of his computer being his favorite but also him being too tired). He'd even ignore the sexy talk I make and change the subject quickly. I sort of assumed that this was because he was stressed and I had said earlier I wasn't comfortable with all of the virtual sex stuff, so maybe he was worried about offending me/me changing my mind.

 

But the last time we were together in the flesh his sex drive still seemed lower than I was used to...I didn't know how to bring up the subject lightly (plus there were other things going on between us during the trip that needed more attention) and when I suggest we do some things that we don't do as often anymore (like use our cams, we often talk on the phone or through texts), he agrees and prefaces it with "normal use" (meaning no sex).

 

I am at a loss with this guy sometimes i was alarmed by his no-sex attitude at first, thinking he was cheating (read my previous threads) and because i have trust issues that pops up in my head sometimes when i am down, but I am more likely to think now that he's scared of offending me, because we do talk a lot about other things, and when we were together our last meeting he was more non-sexually cuddly than I am used to him (or any man for that matter) being. anyone else have some thoughts on this??

[HeavenOrHell]

Pretty rude to call what we do with our partners 'crap'.

 

And obviously a person can't force themselves to be asexual, you're either asexual or you're not, pushing your sexual feelings to one side is just denying your sex drive, and your feelings for each other, what's the point in that when you can still have a sex life when you're apart?!

 

Guessing you're speaking out of envy as you and your ex didn't have sex when you were apart, and maybe one of you cheated, maybe there'd have been less chance of cheating if you'd kept your sex life going when apart.

 

 

 

The best solution is to became asexual. Jogging, cold shower, gym, and fighting club of course( for males). I never asked my former long distance g/f for any crap like that mentioned above. Time is nothing, everyday is the same as yesterday without SO. The problem starts just with a simple question like yours, and it will grow bigger, and BIGGER, and then you will start cheating and your relationships will come to the final end. There is no sex during this type of unhealthy relationships. So everyone is different I guess. And solution to this matter is actually very simple, just do not touch it. You will not loose anything if you will not have sex today or tomorrow or day after tomorrow, just breathe, philosophy. Live in peace with yourself and invisible forces around you will become visible through your internal peace. Good luck.

[Asda]

Pretty rude to call what we do with our partners 'crap'.

 

And obviously a person can't force themselves to be asexual, you're either asexual or you're not, pushing your sexual feelings to one side is just denying your sex drive, and your feelings for each other, what's the point in that when you can still have a sex life when you're apart?!

 

Guessing you're speaking out of envy as you and your ex didn't have sex when you were apart, and maybe one of you cheated, maybe there'd have been less chance of cheating if you'd kept your sex life going when apart.

 

Yes it is a crap, you are so arrogant that you have been lost in your own ways, telling me i am rude. Yes I am a sexual, and I see things differently. Envy? Believe me I don't. That is why I broke up with my long distance girlfriend, I am confident she was cheating, I have evidence. Just do not take things personally. What is crap for you/me might not be crap for me/you, etc.

[Els]

Yes it is a crap, you are so arrogant that you have been lost in your own ways, telling me i am rude. Yes I am a sexual, and I see things differently. Envy? Believe me I don't. That is why I broke up with my long distance girlfriend, I am confident she was cheating, I have evidence. Just do not take things personally. What is crap for you/me might not be crap for me/you, etc.

 

So... Skype sex is 'crap' because your LD gf cheated on you? Please connect the dots for me. Here's a crayon.

 

I wonder about some of the points you make because this is a situation i am in. I don't think all guys want to talk about sex or related issues all the time or a lot even, but I know that with my guy, when we first met his sexual energy was really high. We had a very sexual interaction with some dirty talk, messages, photos, skype sex, etc before we even met (i know, i know, but if it makes it any better there was a year between when we first met online and irl).

 

I asked to stop the photos/skype sex before we met irl and he was fine with it (realized i wasn't too comfortable doing all of that with someone who was still technically a stranger). when we met irl we were intimate, and after we met we started doing skype sex again (this time i was fine with it and even initiated it a lot). But then it stopped and whenever I tried to initiate it he would come up with an excuse, (he doesn't want to make a mess in front of his computer being his favorite but also him being too tired). He'd even ignore the sexy talk I make and change the subject quickly. I sort of assumed that this was because he was stressed and I had said earlier I wasn't comfortable with all of the virtual sex stuff, so maybe he was worried about offending me/me changing my mind.

 

But the last time we were together in the flesh his sex drive still seemed lower than I was used to...I didn't know how to bring up the subject lightly (plus there were other things going on between us during the trip that needed more attention) and when I suggest we do some things that we don't do as often anymore (like use our cams, we often talk on the phone or through texts), he agrees and prefaces it with "normal use" (meaning no sex).

 

I am at a loss with this guy sometimes i was alarmed by his no-sex attitude at first, thinking he was cheating (read my previous threads) and because i have trust issues that pops up in my head sometimes when i am down, but I am more likely to think now that he's scared of offending me, because we do talk a lot about other things, and when we were together our last meeting he was more non-sexually cuddly than I am used to him (or any man for that matter) being. anyone else have some thoughts on this??

 

I don't see a good prognosis in this, IMO. Yes, in long-term relationships the frequency of sex tends to decline a little bit. And yes, some guys just aren't comfortable with Skype/phone sex. But going from lots of Skype sex to zero, AND doing it much less when you're in person? The combination doesn't sound like a very good sign. Even if he was stressed out, Skype sex shouldn't drop to zero all of a sudden. And if the issue was with Skype sex in particular, why are RL meetups (which are the 'honeymoon phase' of LDRs) equally dry?

 

I'm not saying he's necessarily cheating - that is not the only reason people's sex drives plummet. But regardless, sounds like some inherent and pretty urgent issues in the R.

[ana0pera]

yeah, i am weary about it too. there are so many confounding factors that it's hard to know the reason and i've basically stopped trying to explain it, having realized that explanations do not provide answers necessarily.

 

the last time we met was pretty rocky in general so i think that might've had more to do with the decreased sexual intimacy, as we were trying to rebuild our emotional intimacy. i know the two are intrinsically linked, especially for females, but i don't know if guys always connect the dots in the same way.

 

it's something we need to talk about, i don't know if it is the most urgent issues right now (my health is probably the most urgent issue we're dealing with) but it's definitely up there on our list of things to take care of.