vee_fabulous Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Please any suggestions i will appreciated...( I apologize if my English is not that good) I am 28 yr old Indonesian girl never been married and my LDR is 38 yr old wonderful American man(divorced with 3 kids, kids stays at their mothers with the new dad). We've met online through a music site, well i could say that great things happens when you least expected. So he and I been talking for 8 months now, we are talking about our past, we discuss about our future together...i told him the deepest flaws that i had in the past and so did him. We both planning to meet in person for the first time in this summer(June / July). Both of us are just ordinary people with average income. But with the overall he's making more money so he said he will either fly to Indonesia or buy me the flights to come there. That's why we cant meet as soon as we wanted to. He introduced me with his best girlfriend after we both announced our relationship status on FB then he introduced me to few other best friends of his and to his mother we did this through a webcam/ phone calls. I also introduce him to my family and my best friend.He said everybody support him with me including his oldest son but from my side no one approve the relationship. and it's all because he's divorced, not that religious, and just a high school graduated while i have a bachelor degree. There's never been one single day in the past 8 months passing by without us starting and closing our day without both of us saying " I love you" to each other, we webcam at least once everyday, if the webcam not working we will just call on the regular cellphone. But it was 3 days ago he didn't message me at all, i could see he's online on his FB. tho he read my message but he didn't reply, I call his cellphone he never answer until yesterday (the 4th day)i was so worry cant sleep, cant eat afraid of something bad happen while he's in his truck or something. He post a pic of his work on FB that day so I put a comment and finally he reply my message said that he's with his buddy playing darts in a bar. he said he will message me but i didn't receive any message or calls from him until the 5th day i message him what happen but no reply. Finally today (6th day) he said hi to me so we have a webcam and i pretend to be cheerful like nothing happened. until i asked him why he didnt talk to me for 5 days and he said just not in the mood, but then the webcam shut off because i lost my connection so i call his cellphone and ask him again, he said he doesn't want to lie to me as he never lie to me and he told me that he met a girl on zoosk ( dating site from FB need to pay to subscribe) and they had dinner last night. I asked him how's the girl look like (with my fake cheerful tone) he said she's pretty she has her own house, a reg nurse with a stable income and he said nothing happen. then i asked if he's happy with that he said he don't know... I my guard is down my tears falling and i asked him if he's giving up on me he said deep down his heart he doesnt want to give up it's just he doesn't have the money right now to get the flights, he said he really loves me he always meant it when he said he loves me, I said go for your happiness he said he wants me. I said "i love you and i want you to be happy" and he said he will be happy with me, so why he didn't talk to me for 5 days/subscribe for that site/replied to that girl text/have a dinner date?? he said he doesn't know why he did that. Please anyone.... what should i do? he admitted everything... tho some just didn't please me but as far as i know he never lie to me but why he did that? is this means he's bored? or i'm just not good enough? will this kind of relationship gonna work out and become the exception? I honestly love him with all my heart, tho my family said NO but with him i could be my self. He's not perfect but I love his unperfections, and all i want is for him to be happy...if i could take part in his happiness i will be more than grateful... Link to post Share on other sites
wintersun Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I'm so sorry for what you are feeling at this moment. <hug> In my way of seeing things, communication is crucial on a relationship. If he really meant the words and feelings he was transmitting to you, he shouldn't be registering in dating sites. He should tell you if he was feeling like he should meet new people, he couldn't keep you on hold for so many days without a single call. It's wrong. I know life isn't always pretty, and new people can appear in your life even if you aren't searching for them. But you have to be honest, and talk at the first sign of worries. I think this is key to any relation. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author vee_fabulous Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 I don't quite understand what you suggest. should I give him a chance or this is what people called "it's over"? Link to post Share on other sites
plethora Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 He's moved on. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
wintersun Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I'm sorry about my confusing post. English is not my primary language, and sometimes I tend to mess up a couple of meanings and words. I think that he moved on and you should let him go. Sorry for the harsh words, but for me, trust is essential on a relation. Link to post Share on other sites
Life'sGood Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) I don't quite understand what you suggest. should I give him a chance or this is what people called "it's over"? Hi, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. He said that he don't know what to do? From there, I think that he is not taking you seriously. If you really love someone, would you say that you don't know? On top of that, he ignored you for 3 days? The least he can do is tell you that he's not in the mood to talk. I can imagine what you're going through, trying to get in contact with him over that 3 days. The decision is up to you. Tell him how you feel and discuss about it. Ask him if he sees any future together with you because there's no point in continuing the relationship if he is not going to commit to it. I am suggesting the talk because you need the closure if you were to break your relationship off. If you don't, you'll be wondering about it your whole life. Semoga Sukses! Edited February 22, 2013 by Life'sGood Link to post Share on other sites
Author vee_fabulous Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 dear all thank you so much for taking time to read my story. yes he didn't talk to me and at first he said just because of his not in the mood. before I have the change to conclude hrs said sorry and said he doesn't wanna lie to me that's where he mention that he had a dinner date with a girl from online. yes what he did was wrong..I even said if you are happy and having a good chemistry with that girl then go for it. and he said his happiness is if I could be with him.. he cried when I told him how hurt my heart is with what he did.. he was at work that time we spoke.he said sorry.. should I give him a chance or should I just ignore him so he could look for another happiness that's closer to him? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry to hear this. Break up with him. He either comes back to you on his knees, begging you to take him back, otherwise it means he doesn't love you. It's very simple. If you let it slip you communicate it's ok to do that to you. Edited February 22, 2013 by umirano Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 i am really sorry that this has happened to you i don't mean this to sound harsh but i wouldn't take him back if i were you. he is already having doubts without meeting you and if he can find companionship closer he's going to take that, even if he "loves" you. your LDR (US to Indonesia) is very expensive and if neither of you can afford to make frequent visits it might fizzle out from that alone. You'd probably want to try closing the distance sooner rather than later, but there are so many issues with that, testing compatibility is only scratching the surface of the issues. it's good that he was honest with you about this, but i get the sense he doesn't really want an LDR. he loves you and cares about you but he goes on a date, signs up for a paid dating site, and meets local girls because he needs companion ship. you can't give him what he needs and it isn't your fault. you deserve someone devoted to you who will work hard to be with you and not see other females on the side. good luck and big hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
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