6000 miles away and badly in love

[Polarbear]

Hey everyone,

 

I am a 24 y/o guy from Finland and, like the title says, I have fallen badly for a girl who's now living 6000 miles away in Singapore. It's a long story (or quite simple actually..) so I'll try and keep it short.

 

So, I'm a university student and spent my 2012 autumn semester as an exchange student in South Korea. During the exchange I met this girl from Singapore, who was also there as an exchange student - so we often ended up into same exchange students' gatherings and parties. When I first met her, she made a really lasting impression to me even though we only exchanged a few sentences that time and since then she's been more or less on top of my mind for the last 6 months.

 

It took some time for me to find the courage to ask her out for a date, that was within the first month we arrived to Korea. I didn't have any expectations from us back then because we only had a rather brief period of time left together in Korea, about 3 months that is. We had a few nice dates from then on and saw each other a lot, almost daily. I started liking her more and more.

 

Towards the end of our time in Korea, she confessed that she has feelings for me. I also told her that I had really fallen for her. We had many long talks about us during the last few weeks, but it was inevitable that after the semester she would go back to Singapore and I would go back to Finland. We are both rather shy, maybe for different reasons however. So, we didn't start a full-on long-distance-relationship but neither wanted to end things between us just to remain friends. So I don't know what to call it, maybe a kind of an open relationship.

 

Now it's been a month since we got separated from leaving Korea and I have found my feelings getting even stronger for her. Even though I'm 24, I'm not very experienced in relationships and can't tell if it's love or something else, but I definetely have very strong feelings for her. I have never liked anyone so much in all of my life. She is a very special girl with such values and mentality that you don't find a lot anymore these days. And she's just so pretty too.

 

I was really depressed for the first weeks when I came back to Finland. Recently it has been getting easier but there are times when I miss her incredibly much and think to myself that she's a one of a kind who I should never let go. The distance just feels so unfair right now and I'm very confused about what I can or what I should do. We have been conversing a lot through internet, pretty much daily, but I haven't dared to take up the subject of us two taking things further. Perhaps because I'm afraid of her response and because I don't really have the answers myself either..

 

My friends here in Finland can't really relate to my problems so I thought I'd ask an international forum for help. I hope this message didn't get too long or too confusing..

 

Thanks.

[ana0pera]

Hi Polarbear, welcome to LS!

 

I think that the only thing you can do to move on (either with this girl or without) is ask her about whether you two want to try to have a future together. Wondering about it by yourself is not going to solve the issue, it's going to make you fonder of her with no answers... and who knows, maybe she is wondering the same thing too but too shy to ask it? Someone is going to have to make the first move.

 

LDRs are expensive, especially when you're talking thousands of miles (I myself am in an LDR with 5,000 miles of distance so I understand the frustration completely). Is it feasible for you or her to make a trip to see the other? Perhaps somewhere in between?

 

Keep yourself busy with other activities, it helps stop you from thinking about her non-stop. But the only thing that will really help is asking her about it.

[allenpo123]

My ex was Australian and I'm Taiwanese, I can probably give you some little advice on interracial long distance relationships. There's some stuff you need to know about LDRs...

 

1. Expensive:

- Travelling, plane tickets, hotels costs a lot. And also international delivery on holidays/birthdays too.

 

2. Time

The time difference between Finland/Singapore is like.. 8 hours or so? Anyways, would you be able to schedule time for the two of you regularly? LDRs are all about communication(so are all relationships!) Oh, and you need to have time available for travelling.

 

3. Loneliness

Even if you can take on Skype with her all day, there is just still a big difference when she isn't physically with you. It really sucks when you see other people going on normal dates and all you can do is rush home and see her in your computer screen... Did I mention the time difference? Yeah, and that.

 

But these are only the downsides of LDRs, if you really like her, you would still enjoy every minute of your time with her, you would enjoy every present you receive from her, you would be able to cherish every little thing you get from her. And your trips together would be absolutely splendid. You would also be able to learn to be very independent when she isn't with you.

 

But on top of that, you would still need to ask her if she's willing to do LDR. Some people are good at LDRs, some people can't stand the loneliness. Let us know what happened

[makingithappen]

Hey there! I'm going through exactly what you're experiencing right now, and can relate...it really is tough when your partner's on the other side of the world (I'm in Singapore, he's in Belgium).

 

Like what ana0pera and allenpo has said above, it's best that you talk to your girlfriend about your future, and how you want to take it from here. As much as it could be scary to think about the future and share your thoughts with her, it wouldn't help if your relationship continued without much direction or discussion as to where it's heading.

 

LDR is tough, and tougher for some people too - if both of you love each other and want to give it a shot regardless of the distance/costs/uncertainty and potential emotional rollercoasters ahead, then why not?

 

I talked with my boyfriend about this before we parted, and although we don't have anything certain ahead of us to close the distance (except maybe a potential job relocation 2-3 years ahead), what we have is special, and we don't want the distance to end it.

 

Good luck!

[Anthony15]

hey guys,

 

same thing, met a girl in a club, had sex, talked and saw over and over again, we both developped feelings, but she is like 6000km away!

we still text but it has been a while we have seen so its really hard. Even after two months she left i still think about her and our situation, how it was and how perfect it was. we both liked each other a lot, but we have never thought about being a couple because it wld have been stupid to say so because of 6000km difference...

 

and even after those two months i still am depressed because i am afraid it will never be the same, that if she does come back situation might be different. she seems to be ok now handling our long distance friendship (were kinda forced to this) but i think i will never be able to see her as friend only cuz i have never had feelings for a girl like that before, and im not someone who runs after girls...

 

it was like the best of both world, we were not a couple be we liked each other a lot... we were like between friends and couple, but now i lost the "girlfriend" part of her and i am not sure i can only keep her as friend. i would like to talk to her more often, but dont have that much things to say, i would prefer just being with her...

 

i really dont know how to act or react anymore, so if you guys could give me some advices, or tell me how you have been living your situations, it would be much appreciated!