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He cares about me but doesn't talk about the future


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

Old 5th February 2013, 9:44 AM   #1
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He cares about me but doesn't talk about the future

I'm living Japan and I met this guy in Japan. I'm 26 and he is 27 years old.He is from Australia (half Aussie half Taiwanese) *and was coming here for his company training. We started to like each other and see each other 3-4 times a week. I stayed at his apartment during the weekends too. He is in finance, so he was really busy, came home around 12 or 1 , some times 2 o' clock at night, and works during weekend too.
*
When his high school friends came to visit him, he asked me to hang out together, but he didn't want to introduce me to his colleagues or families, even didn't show me his families' photos. He said since he would be leaving Japan for UK then US in a month, so even he likes me a lot but couldn't date me officially. He only had 2 girls in the past and he intimated that if he was living here, I could be the 3rd one. He told me he doesn't want to hurt me and worries about if I can date other guys after him, because he knows I like him a lot and he is the best guy for me by far. *
When we spend time in bed, he alway imitates my noises, when we take shower, he always let me use his facial stuff in order to protect my skin. He never spends too much on meal but took me for very expensive sushi at one of the most high level sushi bar.*

Then on the day he was leaving Japan ( in September) we broke up and stayed being friends.
But we contact each other often. Especially I almost text him every day and he replies almost every day. From December, some times instead of texting me back, he called me almost every weekend randomly. Because of the time difference, some time I couldn't answer, and even I called back in 1 minute, he couldn't pick up the phone at times.*
He always teases me that I must dating other boys, like when I had a fever, he texted me back the other day and said you must got the fever from kissing other boys.*
I told him that he is the last guy I've kissed so far, and asked if he has kissed other girls, he replied" no, I haven't kissed any other girls but kissed other boys" *(some times he says he wish he was a gay because girls are complicated and I am complicated too. He does hang out with his male colleagues a lot, but he is not gay nor bisexual. ) then he confessed to me" only half Japanese-Chinese girls like me" and I'm the only one he knows.

Wherever he goes, he always gives me a call and tells me about his location and schedule.* He also started to show his families' photos to me from X' mas.
1 week ago he called me saying he was on vacation on the beach for a week.
He called me 3 days in a roll, and the 2nd day he told me he does care about me, the 3rd day he asked if I can help him to find a job in Japan or Singapore. I told him after I graduate, I will try to move to his country too.
Then the 4th day when I asked him, what his expectations for the job, he texted" I'm not ready to leave my current company at the stage, yesterday I was kidding." *before he left Japan, he asked the same thing and told me it was kidding just like the same.*
I don't get it. If he cares about me and likes me, why not try to visit me? When he was in Japan, he went back to OZ once for his high school party, and he told me the reason he didn't come to Japan because it's so far way. What the hell?!

Yesterday I emailed him, told him how I enjoyed spending time with him and maybe I love him. I said we should meet up in this year and discuss about future, maybe we can move closer and to ensure if we are meant to be together. I asked him to think about it but don't think forever.*
He hasn't texted me or replied yet.*

PS: I am currently divorcing with my ex-husband who hasn't lived with me for 3 years, and i told the guy I like every thing about this, he told me it doesn't bother him.*



Does anybody have a clue, what the problem is, except the distance? What shall I do or say to him? How he thinks about us, why acts like this?

Thank you very much!*

Last edited by Aliceinureyes; 5th February 2013 at 9:47 AM..
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Old 5th February 2013, 12:19 PM   #2
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We're probably in the same boat.. about a guy who's more scared of the future that I am.

I think the best thing is that you shouldn't overly show him that he means a lot to you. I've been there, and it was the worst thing that I could have done for the relationship. How bout you try to withdraw your feelings for a while, like make him miss you more?
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Old 5th February 2013, 10:55 PM   #3
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Hi Tim, thank you for the advice.
I already sent the email to him last weekend though.
I haven't texted him or gotten his text message yet by far.
So you suggest I don't text him for a while?
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Old 6th February 2013, 9:08 AM   #4
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I think so. If he replies, don't reply back for a while. He might be taking advantage of the fact that you like him, and he knows that you really really do like him, and he could just come and go whenever he likes.

Does he have any plans to come back to Japan in the future? or his life in Japan has already ended?
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Old 6th February 2013, 10:50 AM   #5
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I just got his reply as below:

"Thanks for your email. It's very sweet. I only saw your email a couple of days ago when I got to the US and have thought about it.

*Unfortunately I don't think I can satisfy what you are asking of me. You're very special to me, and whenever I think of Japan I undoubtably think of the time you and I spent together and they're very fond memories.

*However, like you say, the time was short and I don't feel the foundation where I can make the commitment that you are asking. There are many obstacles, and the more I think about it the*more I start to think. If this was meant to be...then I wouldn't*see these things as obstacles.*

I hope we can still remain in touch. I'll give you your space for now. Feel free to contact me when you please.*

All the best,"

So I asked him what those obstacles are ....
And if it can be solved in the future.
What do you think?
*
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Old 6th February 2013, 1:51 PM   #6
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I think you should let go:/ It's pretty hard, I know. But it seems that he's already out the door. It seems like he did have a lot of good times with you when you guys were together in Japan, but I think he just wants to remain friends with you.

I've been in your situation before, and it hurt like hell.And the more that I talk to you here, the more I realize the things that I should not do anymore. My guy is actually Japanese... and the more I think about it, if he really loves me he should be the one doing all the chasing.

It's so confusing, but the more I think about it, maybe our love isn't strong enough. It's hard to accept, and I always try to justify the situations. But in the end, I think acceptance is the key.

I'm sorry, I know what you are feeling right now. But I think you should just let go as of the moment.
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