MyPoutine Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 LDbf recently bumped in his exgf, she was his first gf and one of his "greatest loves." She dumped him for another guy about 10 years ago. They have bumped into each other before and she ignores him, this time around he decided to approach her and they chat. It was at a terminus so she had to catch her bus, as she leaves she gives him her number and suggests they meet for a coffee. She is still with the same guy she left him for and during the chat she did most of the talking. She also told him that she is into more "geeky things" like LARP's and video gaming which are things he is also interested in. I started to get weirded out when he accepted her phone number and told me that he may meet her for a coffee at some point. Even if he wanted to chat some more (why even do that) a simple phone call would suffice. Also, why after all these years did he suddenly decide to stop and chat with her, he could have simply walked away. I asked him if she planed on bringing her bf along to the coffee and he admitted that probably not. So after my questions, first he got very angry saying that next time something like this happens he will simply lie to me. Then he got aggressive and finally admitted that he saw why I had a problem with this scenario and said he wouldn't call her after all. I thought on that and realized that if something "fishy" was going to happen I should create a situation where he would feel safe to tell me such things worry-free, so I wrote him a quick email telling him he should go to the coffee date and let me know how it goes. His reply surprised me. In short he says I am provoking him and insulting and ruining his mood for the entire day. He then goes on to threaten me by saying I am pushing his limits and tolerance. And ends by demanding an explanation and giving me a time to get on Skype to explain myself (which happens to be 5am my time). Shouldn't I be the one blowing a fuse?? Link to post Share on other sites
Astra5 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 He has no right to get mad at you!! Your have every right to be upset and feel a lil insecure about someone he says was his "greatest love"... Thats a huge threat to your pieve of mind and wellbeing in the relationship... He should be worrying about how it would make you feel... not freak out at you.. if you ask me he is a grade A a-hole!!!! think about it on the other foot?? Would he like you flaunting an ex in his face? The former love of your life? The guy who got away? who you have every right to chat with, see, flirt with and who cares how it makes him feel??? hahahah I find that a lil nuts if you ask me... I would tell him to fly.... quick as could be... he would be a memory before he knew it because nobody deserves to be treated like that, spoken to in that manner, or threatened???? He is a piece of work you got there and you should have the sense to get RID OF HIM!! Move on to better who will treat you right!!! They ARE out there!! ya just have to look closer and harder!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyPoutine Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 Lol I did get rid of him, he begged for a second chance...it's things like this that remind me why I got rid of him in the first place. I had to ask because I was so shocked, like am I missing something here?? Glad to see I'm not. I feel much, much better. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyPoutine Posted January 27, 2013 Author Share Posted January 27, 2013 Eeerrrrr okay this is more a vent...I wish I could delete this. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) Well you can't! Why not get some advice since you vented? Unfortunately, your mistake was to apologize for having a reasonable response to his questionable behavior. That was your only mistake btw. Avoid doing that in the future. The best defense is a good offense. He's now put you on the defensive and shifted the attention away from his inappropriate behavior and the fact that he demonstrated that, were this "love of his life" ever to give him a chance, he might be open to pursuing something with her. Look at his behavior, his defensive responses to you, and his threat to just hide what he does if you don't toe the line and play along like a docile girlfriend/fiancée. They aren't together because she dumped him and remained disinterested...not because he has moved on since the break-up and forgotten about her. Instead of dealing with his need to approach her, getting her number and invitation for coffee, he has cleverly turned things around on YOU, so that you will now focus the upcoming Skype session on defending what you said, proving why you aren't insecure or whatever despite saying something, apologizing for your behavior, and trying to get him to forgive you and allow you back into his good graces. Don't, for a second, fall for the oldest trick in the book! Calmly keep the focus squarely where it belongs during the conversation. On him. On what he did. Every time he tries to refocus on you...every time he tries to get you to feel bad for your perfectly reasonable reaction, politely redirect things right back to his choices and his behavior without bothering to justify your reaction. You have no need to justify why you are questioning this. He knows it was inappropriate! Why did he break their typical pattern of non-interaction? Why did HE walk over to speak to her? Why not wave, nod, or smile from a distance? HE actively chose to approach her, not the reverse! Why take her number? Why meet her for coffee? What exactly is he hoping to accomplish by rekindling interactions now? A relationship with her? What about his relationship with you? Where was his consideration of your feelings and your relationship in all of this? Don't allow him to manipulate you into letting him off the hook! No need for a fight or argument. This is his opportunity to explain his behavior and apologize for his thoughtlessness. That's the sole purpose of the conversation. Nothing else. Incidentally, I wouldn't necessarily break up with someone just over this event alone. It depends on the bigger picture of the relationship, my sense about my partner's character and integrity, whether I feel he is trustworthy, my intuition, etc. BTW, is this the guy who didn't want to get engaged IIRC, you two broke up I think, and he's reappeared and is now actively bugging you to get married? Why the sudden flip? Edited January 27, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 Link to post Share on other sites
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