Tleslie Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 For 6 months you left me, you didn't talk to me, tried to forget me. Now here we are right back to the same I love you-I love you more place feeling that same pure 100% immovable love that we had last year, the year before that and the year before that. I sit here and think about how much that has happened within the nearly 3 years we have been apart of each others lives and feel amazed at how something could pass through so many storms and still come out unweathered.then be buried deep, and yet it unearths undiminished. I tell you I love you and you say I love you more. You say I miss you and I say I miss you more. I think about the man I live with, the man I love and will probly soon marry and feel guilt for his undeserved treatment and feel even more guilt for his ignorance to it. Sometimes I wake at night and can't recognize the person I'm laying next to because he is not the person I was just laying next to in my dreams. Then I feel more guilty for being disappointed that it was just a dream. I am wrong, we Are wrong for risking hurting the people we love in order to indulge ourselves into the love we have for each other. but then we''re even more wrong for trying to contain a love that we were blessed with. Trying to belittle it or ignore it. We tried that, you tried that yet here we are. So isn't it just as wrong to hurt ourselves. If I never speak to you again my everydays would be spent in agony. While I may be content, I could never be truly happy. So isn't it wrong to condemn ourselves to a life where our happiness could never reach It's full potential. We are wrong even when we are doing right. And right even when we are being wrong. When we don't talk I can still feel you, and I know when you think of me because I feel you even stronger. It's like a flame that's gone through a rainstorm and comes out burning Stronger.So what do I do? Leave the one I'm in love with for the one I love knowing I will carry pain as consequence or do I force the one I love to accept the one I'm in love with knowing he will carry the pain as consequence. If I had a chance to be with you I would be selfish in our situation. But even if he accepted or decided to move on I know I would still find myself by myself carrying the same pain I tried to avoid by being selfish. So after sifting through all this confusion i come to the conclusion that our love is not a blessing, but a curse. And I will never truly truly be happy. Isnt it ironic, i thought i would feel better if we maybe tried being just friends yet i feel like **** because no matter how hard we try to pretend, we are not just friends, we are more than that and what we are is wrong and there is no getting around that. Im damned if we talk and damned if we dont Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Only thing Is, you are damned less in the long run, when you stop contact with him. Obviously it is causing way too much pain. Love rarely works as friendship, when two lovingly...or one, wants to be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tleslie Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Only thing Is, you are damned less in the long run, when you stop contact with him. Obviously it is causing way too much pain. Love rarely works as friendship, when two lovingly...or one, wants to be together. Thank you for your reply. This is a letter I wrote to him his reply was to let god lead my thoughts, trust the creator of life and read my bible and god will fill my heart with the warmth jt deserves...I'm so confused lol Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Thank you for your reply. This is a letter I wrote to him his reply was to let god lead my thoughts, trust the creator of life and read my bible and god will fill my heart with the warmth jt deserves...I'm so confused lol Well, God can fulfill certain missing aspects of your life, assuming you believe in Him. Wasn't really anything bad he said there. Just take it as a sign to finally move on, to bigger and better things. He wasn't the one. Sometimes you must get poked by a dozen or so thorns, before you find that right one. Clearly, he isn't as interestd as you first thought...or doesn't want you clinging onto him, as that would keep you hurting. It is best to move forward. No. It isn't easy. But you sure can do it. No sense in being sad over those who are not sad over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tleslie Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 Well, God can fulfill certain missing aspects of your life, assuming you believe in Him. Wasn't really anything bad he said there. Just take it as a sign to finally move on, to bigger and better things. He wasn't the one. Sometimes you must get poked by a dozen or so thorns, before you find that right one. Clearly, he isn't as interestd as you first thought...or doesn't want you clinging onto him, as that would keep you hurting. It is best to move forward. No. It isn't easy. But you sure can do it. No sense in being sad over those who are not sad over you. The issue is we live in two diff countries, during the course of our relationship I started a relationship with someone else, in turn he did the same. After constantly dealing with either my dude or his girl figating with US in regard to US continuing our relationship he decided it best we cease communication but now he's come back and we are back to our daily I love youse and wearer falling head first back into each others web and it's killing my conscious because I do as he does live with some one . Putting a cap on it did nothing, our love for another went no where. We tried having platonic convo when we first startedvtalking again but a month later we are back where we started. So my letter was to I guess to see where his head was at in regards to if we should just stick with staying a part. But his reply was vague and he ended the conversation with I love you so I'm like ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 The issue is we live in two diff countries, during the course of our relationship I started a relationship with someone else, in turn he did the same. After constantly dealing with either my dude or his girl figating with US in regard to US continuing our relationship he decided it best we cease communication but now he's come back and we are back to our daily I love youse and wearer falling head first back into each others web and it's killing my conscious because I do as he does live with some one . Putting a cap on it did nothing, our love for another went no where. We tried having platonic convo when we first startedvtalking again but a month later we are back where we started. So my letter was to I guess to see where his head was at in regards to if we should just stick with staying a part. But his reply was vague and he ended the conversation with I love you so I'm like ugh I don't...Well. I doubt he and you could work. Not because of the distance. Just the sheer fact, that even while together you and he where seeing different people. It might be difficult, but his message didn't imply enough to show he is interested in more than friendships,, if even that. Seems like he wants you to move on... Yet tells you he loves you? Sounds like he does and doesn't want you to move on. I doubt you two could manage....given all of this. Just be careful...of games. I don't know if he's playing one; but it could be one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tleslie Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 I don't...Well. I doubt he and you could work. Not because of the distance. Just the sheer fact, that even while together you and he where seeing different people. It might be difficult, but his message didn't imply enough to show he is interested in more than friendships,, if even that. Seems like he wants you to move on... Yet tells you he loves you? Sounds like he does and doesn't want you to move on. I doubt you two could manage....given all of this. Just be careful...of games. I don't know if he's playing one; but it could be one. Lol confusing I know. Our relationship is a thing where we knew the distance thing was a major problem. While I have traveled to see him, we understood the probability of one of US finding someone in our own country. That understanding did nothing to effect the love that was growing between US but inevitability I did end up finding someone else but we still continued our thing and that love still grew. The problem started when my boyfriend started finding our messages, and actually replying some harsh sh** soon after the girl he started seeing sstarted the same. We always promised each other that regardless who we were with we would always stay together but it got to a point where if my dude wasn't finding msg then his girl was and he made the choice for US to call it quits which of course hurt me. Now here we are again he tells me he loves me every morning, noontime it's I need you by night it's I miss you. A few days ago we had txt sex ( crazy I know lol) but that's what's have me like we are right were we left off 6 months ago. As for him playing games, he's really not a game player. He's a says what he means and means what he says type of person. But it does feel like he know I want him to tell me what to-do, end it again or stay and he purposely did not answer that but why? I know we could never be a traditional couple but I'm struggling with should I hold on to our promise to each other to never let anything come between US...ps thank you for replies/advice I know it must be a struggle to listen to my confusing love sick story lol Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 No. Not a struggle...was pretty late though. I'll be honest. It seems like you two want to be together on some level, but find this impossible due to distance. What you two have or are, doing to these other two people(your bf, his Gf.) Is far from right; I know you know this. It is unfair to keep hurting them, that is the truth. He may not be playing games...with you. But you two are playing games with both of them. Is there a way, for one of you to move closer to the other? It is a big step to move a country away. But right now...it seems like you are both having cake, and eating it too. I strongly warn you of this; it could spell the end, not only of your bf and his gf...but potentially both of you. Try another method to be together...so others aren't hurt either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tleslie Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 No. Not a struggle...was pretty late though. I'll be honest. It seems like you two want to be together on some level, but find this impossible due to distance. What you two have or are, doing to these other two people(your bf, his Gf.) Is far from right; I know you know this. It is unfair to keep hurting them, that is the truth. He may not be playing games...with you. But you two are playing games with both of them. Is there a way, for one of you to move closer to the other? It is a big step to move a country away. But right now...it seems like you are both having cake, and eating it too. I strongly warn you of this; it could spell the end, not only of your bf and his gf...but potentially both of you. Try another method to be together...so others aren't hurt either. You know, the reason ppl seek out advicewhen their in loveis because their too deep and blinded to see clear or think rationall. What you said is absolutely right. Thank you for giving me the harsh truth without judgement. Sometimes we need someone else to tell US what already know .....could you believe I'm a strong believer in karma lol so imagine the **** I feel about what I have going on....smh my best bet is to pray, repent, and go NC with this man and then pray and repent some more lol Link to post Share on other sites
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