LDR Problem

[Shineman]

Sorry for the Length

 

I've been in a Long Distance relationship with this girl for almost a year, and everything was smooth. We met via MSN last year on New Years, and started dating a couple of months afterwards (Around March). I'm currently 19, living in California (In College, getting AA degree this year), while the girl is 18 (In High school, graduating this year) and lives in Florida. Everything was smooth, we talk to each other nearly every second of the day when we're not busy, have Webcams, play games with around (Nintendo, Pokémon, etc) drawing each other characters, even share the same birthdays, have basically the same interests, etc. Even told each other all the things we did before we met, even our deepest secrets. We finally get to meet one another in Las Vegas around June, on Vacation, and spend several days with each other. It was simply the best experience we ever had, and share our first kiss (and continue make-out sessions). Basically, she told me I was the best boyfriend she ever had (As her previous boyfriends were really bad, one was abusive and another was a cheater, both whom is also long-distance relationships).

 

Everything was going great and nothing was wrong until a couple of weeks, where my girlfriend told me that she was missing me too "much" and wanted me to hug her and kiss her, like I did in Vegas. I understand the desire to be touch (As she is the only person that gave me affectionate love and I want her to touch me again as well), I'd explain to her that it's best to wait it out, because during the Summer, I'm going to be in Florida for a while, just to see her, and the passion will double because we waited for so long. She understood, and things went normal from there. Or so I thought.

 

She finally reveals on the 12th of December, that she was talking to this guy whom she knew long before she met me. However, they weren’t really friends (Just knew each other) beforehand, and only recently they began talking to each other, as they share the same classes this year around. At first, I told her, well as long it’s friendly, than I don’t really care. Don’t go out and form some relationship with a guy. However, she stated that because he “hug” her, she developed some form of feelings for him, and stated that despite know little about one another beforehand, she had a crush on him, because he gave her a hug. She told the other man that she is already in a relationship with another person, and the dude told her that she had to make a choice to pick him or me (Which I thought that was completely disrespectful). It’s escalating even further when she began calling him on the phone, and tries to get me to go along with it (because the other guy wanted to say Goodnight to her and gets mad when he doesn’t get the chance, because I’m still in it, as we’re still together at that point). I’d repeating told her to cut the guy loose, but keeps giving me a sob stories that if she cuts Ivos (The dude’s name), she has to else to talk to in School, and have to talk to her “retarded ass friends” instead. (I don’t see why she can’t just be friends with Ivos, and that’s it). She apparently stated that she wants to be hug/kiss, and claims that I was not there to provide it for her (Even though she knew I can’t anyways, and know I would give it to her if I have the power/money to go to Florida). Thus, she ended the relationship because she wanted a hug. That’s it. There’s no other reason (as I haven’t done anything wrong). Even though she claims that she only using Ivos just for hugging and still “loves” me (even though Ivos thinks it’s an actual relationship and tried to tell her that don’t get “freaky” with another guy, as that’s cheating, despite.. making her “kind of” cheat on me).

 

I’d had a mental breakdown and tried to get her to stop this foolishness before it was too late. One day, I call her multiple times (9 times) in order to talk to her to work things out. However, she let it ring (purposely let it ring, while she was hanging out with Ivos to the park), and apparently her Ivos got ticked off, and forcibly took the phone from her, Held her hand down when she tried to get it back, and Him and I just curse each other out. In the end, she took her phone back (which Ivos keep trying to take the phone away) and tried to get me to stop calling, despite knowing that I was hurting from the breakup which didn’t even make sense), and I just went snap on her and hung up. I went into rage, and went to her Face Book account (she gave me the password, etc) and post of what happen to our relationship, which nearly everyone in School now knows about, and hack to her MSN account, etc. After I calm down, I realize what I have done and regret it deeply, and should’ve done it in the first place, despite being angry. She called me later at night, to apologize for what she did and try to fix everything. However, I told her that she was at fault for everything (along with Ivos) and she was at fault for not even stopping it before it went out of hand. She knows it was her fault (as me, my family, her friends, my friends, etc told her the same thing I said) and explain the reasoning why we’re broken up. She explains because the hug she got made her feels better about her and didn’t make her depressed. I asked her, was she depressed with me? And she said no. Contradiction much? She said that she doesn’t know why she wants a hug, but stated that it’s not lust. She just wants comfort, and I told her that I don’t want any of that. Comfort it one thing, when it’s on a friendly level, but that level? I’m not going to have that. She claims that she only loves me because I did this and that (gotten her out of her depression from her previous boyfriend) and only using Ivos for comfort, and once she’s done with High school, Ivos is no more and she’s going to head to California to apologize and such and wants me to take her back. And I was saying “You’re basically just playing games with another kid, just to get a hug? That’s leading him on as he thinks you like him in a different way, and that will crush him whom you decided to toss him aside). She says she doesn’t know what to think anymore and such. And I’m getting really irritated because it was not worth ruining a relationship for a simple hug (That’s why she did all of this).

 

So yeah, that’s basically the situation. What should I do? She really loves me, and wanted me to be her husband and bury my kids, etc and claims that she WILL go to California and prove to me in my face that she's serious about it. But, I have serious doubts about that.

[Shineman]

She said that the only thing she wants to do it make me happiness (because of my situation throughout my life; however, she's failing to do the right thing, and doesn't want me to leave her alone (as I told her that I would disappear of her life, if she continue this thing, because I'm not going to get red with the crumbs when I want the entire meal and don't want to share). And deeply regrets of doing what she did (yet still talking to this other kid, add more salt to the wounds, she just added him on Facebook Yesterday).

[umirano]

She certainly is not head over heels into you. No one totally in love with somebody else goes around and gets close to others, just to get a hug. Trust your instincts, she isn't worth it at this point. Retreat and leave her to Ivos, you don't need to chase her. Either she loves you completely and exclusively, and then the lack of hugs can be dealt with, or she is not yet mature enough for that. In this case you need to retreat, because that's not something you can "teach" her, she has to learn it by herself.

 

Action speaks louder than words, she claims to love you, and to be in love with you (?) but her action says otherwise. If she doesn't understand this, you need to leave her, then she has a chance to understand what's happening. And believe you me, it is very well possible that at her age she just doesn't know. She isn't a bad person for doing what she's doing. So when you retreat, it is not to punish her, it is to protect yourself.