cdt76 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I have a girlfriend and for the past 8 months we have been seperated by about a 4 hour car drive. I used to live in her city but moved for a number of reasons. Anyway, her lease on her apartment expired and we talked about her moving in with me. She has an infant baby and the baby daddy isn't much to speak of but he has been supporting her financially the last 6 months. So there was no real conclusion to the "move in with me" talk other than she is going to stay with me for 3 weeks until her girlfriend moves into a new house and she is going to reside there. So, my plan is to make it as nice and comfortable as I can for the next few weeks and try and show her it would be a really nice situation. I won't talk or ask her about staying as I don't want to pressure her. But I'm pretty sure that if she decides to move in with her friend that I'm going to end it. I'm not going to do a long distance thing with no end in site. As I don't think she would ever move away from family and friends. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I think you should talk to her about staying. Its a little unfair to make a decision like "If she moves in with her friend, it is over," without her knowing of the "consequences." You should ask her what her plans are and if she has ever considered it. Ask her what her thoughts are about it and find out how she feels. Then tell her how you feel. Its called compromising.... Why would think its a good idea not to talk your girlfriend about this, especially if it is a deal breaker? Do you want to be with this girl or are you secretly looking for an excuse for the relationship to end? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdt76 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 I do want to be with this girl. Badly. But I asked her the other day what her goal is for her life at the end of this year and she responded by saying that she hopes to have an apartment for her and the baby. I got quiet for a few hours and she asked me if I was upset that she wanted to be in an apartment and not with me. I said yes, it seems silly to not want to be with the person you say you love. And she said...an apartment or with me. Well, it was a half hearted attempt to make me feel better and the truth is, she wants her own place. I would only end this relationship if I felt there is no future in it. I'm getting that feeling. I don't want to talk to her about it because she tells me if feels like I'm giving her an ultimatum and pressuring her. It is sort of an ultimatum and I don't want to pressure her. But yeah, I think if she decides to stay where she is, then I'm going to end it. I need a life here and someone here that wants a future with me. I thought she did but now I'm not so sure. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Instead of focusing on the apartment bit, why don't you rephrase the question and ask her what kind of future she sees for your relationship together. That seems to be what you are really getting at. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdt76 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Unfortunately, I have asked that and she refused to answer the question and avoids any planning of the future. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 then your suspicions must be right on the money. If she is avoiding talking about it, then something is wrong. I'd giver a choice and let her choose. Indifference not being one of them. That is how my relationship ended. He chose I don't know and I chose out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 But I asked her the other day what her goal is for her life at the end of this year and she responded by saying that she hopes to have an apartment for her and the baby. I don't think that she is necessarily a terrible person for not wanting to rush into moving in with you, considering that she has an infant with another man. Eight months together long distance isn't a particularly long time to have been together, especially when there is a child involved. I don't want to talk to her about it because she tells me if feels like I'm giving her an ultimatum and pressuring her. You are giving her an ultimatum. You are pressuring her. She doesn't want to move in with you. She's told you. If she avoids any discussion about the future, she may well be using you. You mentioned that the baby's father has been supporting her financially for the past six months. Does she have a job? Have you also been supporting her? Given the baby's age and the length of time you've been together, is it fair to say that you started dating her while she was pregnant? That's really strange. Are you sure she doesn't want to get back together with the baby's father? Has there been any talk about her moving to your town? Link to post Share on other sites
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