Troubled relationship/my own sexuality

[Malice]

Hello this si my first post on these fourms. I've been looking for a plce for help and i think this might be a good spot

 

Status: Me(male) and my girlfriend have been dating for abotu 3 years, and its quite a long distance. Myself, i am on the east coast in canada, and she is on the west coast in USA =/ Her parents have paid my way down twice last year, once during summer and again during the winter.

 

I love her VERY much, and i wish to spend my life with her. People say we are too young to fall in love. Myself, i'm hitting 18, but i dont beleive age really matters, as you know loe when you feel/know! you cant live withotu the other person.

 

Myself, I am Bisexual orreanted, and had turned away from the female gender for about a year, when i broke up with my ex. Lets call my ex "X"

 

"X" and I were dating for about a week before she started to sexually advance on me, forcing me to do things to her and the sort. his really disturbed me to the point that i never wanted to leave the house with her alone. Around this point in time i was talking to my current girlfrined online in a game that we had palyed. My current girlfriend we'll call "Key" as she holds the key to my heart ;P

Anyways, With "key" in the picture, she helped me get over "X" but dispite my feeligns for "Key" at that time, i had no sexual feelings for any female.

Well me and "key" grew closer, emotonally and met in person, fell deeply inlove with one another. We had our shaky times, butalways pulled threw.

But over the weekend, we had this one fight that really shook myself up. We were talking, ( she has free long distance calling so we're on phone every day, not just online) and she had metion she feels like i dont miss her anymore, and everything esculated from there. From that she said screw it, and with that she loged off of the computer, saying she was gonna end it. Knowing what it ment... i ran to the phone and gave her a call. Hoping she wouldnt hang up. She answered, crying, with a knife. i calmed her down and ask if she always has to try and end her life to realize how much she cares, and she said that it feels (to her) that its the only way she can tell. Now this upseted me, and frustrated me eond beleif. Cause i tell her i love her all the time, which i truly do. i cry and pray for her everynight, wnating to be with her. So this really shook me. I told her and sure verything went better after that.

 

The problem is now, i'm confused by my sexuality agian. I'm attracted to her yes... but i'm getting my desire to have a male lover hold me, and confert me agian =/ IT happened to me in the past, this causing some trouble between us.

Thing is i dont ever want to leave her, i dont want to loose her. I love her so mmuch. these "desires" as i call them, are only temporary. but they hurt alot =/We ("key" and I) are close again aside this feeling of my own.

can anyone give me any ideas how i should deal with this, or some conferting words? =/

 

Malice

[SoleMate]

Does "Key" know about your attraction to and desire for a male lover? Or would telling her that get her to pull the knife again?

 

I see two problem areas:

 

1) You're involved with a girl who has suicidal tendencies

 

2) You haven't integrated your sexual desires into your life, so there is a wall in your head that shouldn't be there

 

i'm confused by my sexuality agian

You're not really confused, are you? You want love and intimacy with "Key" and you want occasional sex/intimacy with men. I don't see any happy ending to this unless you tell her, and she agrees to you following this plan. Also, she needs psychiatric treatment so she will stop threatening violence.

[Malice]

Again problem is we are both suiadal, we promis eachother, and she never actualyl done, just threatened. It scares me enough.

And again, she knows of my sexuality, she just donest knw that i soemtimes desire to have a guy hold me and stuff =/ i dont wish for any sexual intamicy yet. yes i can be physically attracted, but i dont feel ready enough. I'm an advid chrsitian as well, thus i'm still a virgin, mainly out of choice.

Its jsut that i see my friends, i see it on tv, and it makes me depressed, case one, i dont have "key" and two, i dont have a guy to hold and confert me.

I donno, just these "desires" only pop up when ever me and "key" get into big fights =/ aside of those times, i'm uber attracted to my love.

I'm just unsure why i get these -.-

[flaps]

your situation sounds to me like you know your sexuality(bisexual), if key accepts it, the two of you should be able to work out something. i am on the west coast, otherwise i would find a way to come and be there to hold you, i know my wife would not mind. i wish you all the best, and key also. you know me from another venue and i had to show my support.

 

sole man, your comments, while possibly valid from whatever point of view you were coming from, probably didn't help, and may have hurt his feelings. in the almost a year i've known 'malice' the only thing he has shown real joy in has been 'key.' he has seemed to perk up anytime he has chatted about her.