sweetbilly3Am Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 I really don't know why i'm posting this. To me it's always been kind of personal and i'm the kind of person that bottles things up. Although, I really don't know what to do, and if i don't tell someone soon i'm going to do something i'm going to regret. About nineteen years ago i fell in love with a girl named Ronnie. it was instantanious, i was smitten with her, any time i was with her my pulse raced, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, all I could do was think of her day and night. And nothing has changed, except that she has gotten married to someone else. she professed to love me as much as I loved her, she said I was the love of her life, and that no matter what happened in life there would never be room in her heart for anyone but me. when I found out she had gotten married last year I almost passed-out, it really hurt! This pain, for me, isn't passing, and everyday I hurt a little more. when I think of her having someone elses children, or making love to anyone else but me, I get angry- not upset- but angry in a real bad-bad way! i know if i was to be in the company of the man she is married to I would MURDER him without regret. and that's not like me at all. I never really had a chance to make things work with her. ( her parents moved her to another state.) And trying to hold-on to a long-distance relationship over a period of sixteen-years is very hard to do. i wish things were different, I curse god daily for what's happened. And more and more everyday I think about hurting myself, I don't want to, but the pain is becoming unbearable. I can't even look at another female without comparing them to eachother. and this has left me even more hopeless, I can't seem to move-on. last year a beautiful woman that I know I would love to see under normal conditions asked me out! I was completely blown-away, besides Ronnie no other woman has ever asked to be with me. I don't know if she thought I was so homely I would never cheat on her, or if she really liked me. My parents, who know how I feel about Ronnie, just don't understand why I can't get over her. I don't have any friends to discuss this with, and even if i did i don't think they would understand either. So i'm seeking some advice from strangers, it's just easier for me. There just isn't any getting over her. I am haunted by my past. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Get yourself to a therapist and fast. This was never a 'love'. It is an idealized relationship with someone you never spent time with. After nineteen years, it is a well-embedded obsession which you need psychological help to dislodge. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 A fantasy certainly isn't worth getting the death penalty for. The fact that you would really consider murdering her husband is reason enough to rush yourself to get help as moimeme has suggested above. Link to post Share on other sites
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