Kirky Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Soooo how fast is too fast? I just started talking to someone I went out with on ONE date 4 years ago. He never called me back or replied to my emails, not because he didn't like me, but because he was scared. I gotta admit that that still scares me. That he's just going to stop calling or I'll travel TWO days to go see him and spend 300 bucks to do so and he won't meet me. He moved 2 weeks before we started talking again =( But he seems alot more outgoing now. He has been such a flirt since we started talking again, and my feelings are still there for him. I'm hoping to go see him in the next two months, but I wonder how fast is too fast, or how slow is too slow, because balance always seems to be my problem. He talks with me on the phone and says that he'd like to fall asleep in my arms, and cuddle on the couch, etc. All these things sound wonderful but I'm dumbfounded as to what I should say in response! My realistic side is fighting with my dreamy side. Why can't they just kiss and make up? =P Sooooooo how fast is too fast? Does our past play any part in it? Should I just let myself go and just let things happen as they will? Because of what he did in the past, I feel the need to move a little slower than I did before, and it's hard for me to admit that I want to do all those sweet things he says because of that realistic side of me. Should I just forget the past? Should I be a little cautious? I know he has no bad intent! He's wonderful..... I'm just such a... Chicken =X Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 He could be leading u on, just dont get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Kirky Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I know for a fact he isn't the type to lead a girl on. If anything though, he's afraid of commitment.. And his (possible) fear of commitment, scares me. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 If you arnt comfortable with it then why are u going with him? find someone who isnt Link to post Share on other sites
Kirky Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 What are you talking about? I'm not asking for tough love from strangers, I'm just asking for an opinion. I like this guy, and I'd like to find out if we could have a future. I don't think I can get a clear signal on that until I go to see him, and I'm just wondering how fast or slow I should take things once I'm there. Is that not a fair thing to wonder considering the circumstances? Me going there is not in question though! I'm here expressing my fears to get a little insight and advice. I don't need you treating my like a 12 year old with an infatuation. If you have no constructive advice, move along. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 He never called me back or replied to my emails, Eek! not because he didn't like me, but because he was scared. Right. That he's just going to stop calling or I'll travel TWO days to go see him and spend 300 bucks to do so and he won't meet me. I don't blame you for being scared. He talks with me on the phone and says that he'd like to fall asleep in my arms, and cuddle on the couch, etc. So now he is returning your calls? When did this start? Sooooooo how fast is too fast? Why don't you sit back and let him make a move? Let him drive the pace of the relationship. Does our past play any part in it? I'm really unclear why you are still dreaming over a guy who wouldn't return your calls or e-mails. I know he has no bad intent! How do you know this? Can you read his mind? If anything though, he's afraid of commitment.. And his (possible) fear of commitment, scares me. It should. Getting involved with someone who can't (or won't) make a commitment is a ride on a scary rollercoaster full of heartache and pain. I don't think I can get a clear signal on that until I go to see him, and I'm just wondering how fast or slow I should take things once I'm there. Let him come to you. Why are you doing all the work? You are making it way too easy for him. Let him come to you--then you will have a much better idea of his "commitment" to the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Kirky Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 In reply to Clia: When he wasn't calling me back, it was 4 years ago. Thing is that, before we had gone out, I had dated his friend (FOUR years ago), and we were both a little worried about his feelings when we went out. So it was more about being scared to hurt our friend's feelings. About making moves: He is the one doing just that! Like I said, he's flirting, and he is the one who has been calling me every other night (I guess that shows some commitment, huh?). About dreaming: I had moved on from him, but I definetely still have a soft spot for him, as I am finding out. Bad intent: I'm no mind reader, but this guy is not that kind of guy. We're both in our 20's and although we've just been speaking recently again after 3/4 years, the year I knew him previously already proved to me that he is not a user, etc. That doesn't excuse the fact that what he did to me was wrong (IE not calling back, etc) but he does take every chance to apologize when we talk and I already explained that in a little more depth. I'm hoping we can both put that behind us though. Him coming to me: That would be great, and I fully agree that he should have to work a little harder! Thank-you for making me realize that, though the way each of our jobs work doesn't allow for that option to be so easy. He works full time and I work when I want to work and can take off whenever I want to. Anyway, I fully agree that he should have to work a little harder, and I think naturally, and subconsciously I'm making him do that because of my fears. So maybe the timing isn't so bad? =P Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 I agree with clia, and I would like to amplify by saying that the sincere way for him to show his regret over his past silence is to make LOTS of extra effort now. Words are NOT enough, you need solid action. So what if it's easier for you to travel - DON'T! Let him know that he MUST come to your town. I'm sure he gets days off every now and then. And if he comes up with 5 different little feeble excuses as to why he can't, then...GO CRAWLING TO HIM! No wait, that was my evil twin. Just let a dignified silence be your response. When I know I've f**ed something up - like an accidental standup or even just being late somewhere - I will go miles out of my way with my ACTIONS (and my words too) to let the person know that I am sincerely sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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