monkey Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 Dear All In August of 2002 i met the girl of my dreams, She's Hungarian & i met her in England, where i am from, she was au-pairing. She never wanted a relationship because she wanted to go & try her luck in America & didn't want anything in her way. We have lots in common, the outdoors cycling etc so we did this as friends with me in hope. I never say never. It worked, she changed her mind. Everything was so different, mabe because she's foreign & so different to any girl i ever met, we spent months in Budapest staying with her family, it was magical. Ok we had a fiew ups & downs as all do, wether it is cultural,mabe so. I decided to follow her to America, she had a family to stay with & they said i could stay with her!, it was perfect. She had a 6 month visa but Brits can only have 3 months on a visa waiver, so inevitably i would have to return at some point. I was dreading returning home,as i would be returning to my parents house, my gf & my mum never got on & i resent her for this. I started to get panic attacks & emotional about leaving this beautiful girl that i had spent nearly a year with & having to return to everything i wanted to escape from. After my return we contacted by phone & email & she said that space & time would be needed, i think these panic attacks i started with freaked her out a little, i have started medication & feel much better, but she feels she needs to be alone for a while. I respect this but i was ending too many emails, pushing etc. But this was just me missing her & not wanting to be here, my life had changed forever, i felt i had gone 2 steps forward & 5 back. Now we email & are nice but i don't want to ask her about the future because of pushing, but i do want to because i hate not knowing. I think she'll return soon to Hungary & i hope we can meet there, she's very homesick,everyone tells me not to push things, it's so hard because i love her & miss her so much, she says she has strong feelings for me, but she is more independent than me & can be alone. We planned to start a life abroad, so my life is in limbo now, i just hate not knowing! HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 Damn, dude that sucks. And not knowing can be tormenting, but you have to try and let it go man. Don't do this to yourself. Try and calm down a little. If you let it go, you'll find peace within you and you'll get beyond all this. Hang in there, buddy! We've all been there! Hungarian? My ex was from Budapest, Hungary as well. Good choice! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
hurtinrealbad Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 You're not the only one man. My wife is moving out on January 1st to have her space and time. Limbo yes, helpless yes, going crazy yes, miserable yes, anxiety yes. those are just some of the emotions I have right now. The hard part is going to be me coming home to an empty house without the laughter of my son running and jumping around. The sad thing is that it's about 99% my fault and that's really hard to deal with. My situation is a bit different than yours, but the emotions are the same. There's really nothing we can do, but hope pray and see what the outcome is. I know what I want to happen, but at this point it's not up to me. As for pushing and pressure, it definitely doesn't work, it only drives them further away. It is indeed a truly helpless feeling to not be able to do anything, but eventually we'll be alright, as hard as it is to imagine, life can go on, but it's up to us how it goes on. Hang Tough and Merry X-mas!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SmittenKitten Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 I'm with u guys. Feels good 2 know I'm not the only one going thru this. I'm waiting for a spl guy who needs his space and time to decide whether it's me or moving back to his birth country. It's so hard, but all we can do is have faith that everything will turn out as it should. It's easy to say, but going thru the everyday of not seeing their smile anytime u want to, knowing that it's not easy for them either and wanting to make them feel better when u can't, is difficult. Why does love have to b so difficult? Why can't it b easy like some seem to have it? It's given me the chance to focus on myself tho' which I appreciate - what I need and want in a relationship. Altho' love and life can b difficult, how lucky r we 2 b here 2 experience? I'm with u folks and thank u 4 being here thru this time of anguish and torment. A smitten kitten. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted December 26, 2003 Author Share Posted December 26, 2003 Thanks all People say all this rubbish, how can someone, who's life is frozen, take their mind off it!, it just doesn't happen. My family say forget about her, find someone else. Does no-one believe anymore about never giving up on a good thing. When i met my girl she was adamant that she wanted to be alone, i said ok, lets just be friends, she understandably said she didn't want to leed me on, but i persevered & she changed her mind! If i had taken everyones advice, we would never have been together! So i still never say never! Link to post Share on other sites
SmittenKitten Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 Great News! to see love has been requited. Mine told me yesterday he needs to alone to work his life out cuz he's heading for a break down... Said he's been miserable and needs to work out his direction in life.. He has said he's still inlove with me and can see the children and marriage but for now it's over til he can work out his life direction without somebody at his side. I can only hope that like you, if it's meant to be, he will return. Congratulations. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Obviously you're not in the same location; but why is this a problem? GO GET HER. Start you're "life abroad" (romantic adventure) by crossing one of the two notoriously porous U.S. borders. What skills do you have? I understand the largest retailer on the planet, the Beast of Bentonville (ironically headquartered in Bentonville, AR, USA), Wal-Mart, has liberal hiring practices. If cleaning floors will not happen at Wal-Mart, then I'm positive you could mow and edge lawns in Houston. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtinrealbad Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Monkey, I said the same thing, how can I forget about something so earth-shattering that is happening in my life???? Some days I can, and most days I can't, but I at least have to try. WHY???? Because if we don't the pain and agony will consume our entire lives. Everyday, several times a day, I say a simple, short to the point prayer that helps me get through the day, maybe you should try it. God: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. For me, that is a sobering reminder that sometimes I just do not have control of the situation and that no matter what I do, I never will. I can not make my wife come back to me, but I can change myself. I can show her that I am aware of what I've done wrong, and that I am committed to changing. Accepting things we can't change is very, very difficult, but if we look at a situation, there are often things we can do that will indirectly influence something we can't directly change. i.e. my wife coming back to me. I can chose to do nothing, and probably nothing will happen, or I can chose to do something and probably somethign will happen. As hard as it is to do myself, I tell you that if you concentrate all of your energy on positive things in your life, then often times what you truly want, you will get. If I would have put forth 5% of the effort that I did when I was drinking or looking for alcohol, my marriage probably would have been perfect, but I didn't and now I have to pay. I have two choices: feel sorry for myself and wallow in self-pity, or take this as a learning experience, admit I was very, very wrong, say I am truly sorry and most importantly show it. If my wife truly loves me, she will come back to me, if she doesn't she won't and I wouldn't want her to unless she did. Keep your chin up, grin and bear it, it sucks more than anyone can imaging, but no matter what happens, we will be ok. Maybe not pain and heartache free, but then again, maybe they will come back to us. When you really, really want something in life, you have to work for it, you have to go get it, and you have to do your part. Good luck and God Bless -hrb Link to post Share on other sites
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