The dilemma we face is the feasibility of it

[Mollygizer]

Hi. I found this forum and thought I'd jump in and throw this to the group.

 

My boyfriend and I met when I was 17 and a junior in highschool, and he a 21 year old. We fell wonderfully in love: but I knew from the beginning when it came to college, I was moving out of Tennessee to pursue my theatre. so I always said... when I move, it'll have to end.

 

The end of my senior year rolled around... and I was as madly and blindly in love with him as ever, not even thinking of my upcoming move to New York University and the end of our relationship as I had decreed. He, however, had thought about it plenty; and instead of talking about it, as men often do, he held in the feelings and let them fester. This all came to light when 2 days after graduation, a girl from his work threw herself at him, and he broke up with me. A month later, I asked him to move with me to NYC, because we were obviously still in love with one another. If anything, it made us realize how much we /were/ in love. We began to make plans for him to get a job up there, and finish his degree at CUNY or a like state college next fall.

 

My parents discovered the plan inopportunely through files on my computer (nosy buggers.) and go haywire, threatening to pull my tuition if we took a plan like this and tried it. I needed to "focus on my studies" and he needed to stay here when he could afford college better - the reason he dropped out in the first place. Brokenhearted, I could see some of their logic... we began to think of the idea of a long distance relationship while I was at school.

 

Now the dilemma we face is the feasibility of it. I know I can do it, and he wants to, but he insists long distance relationships are doomed. I want to know your opinions, so perhaps I can show him it /is/ possible, as some of your other posts have proved. This wouldn't be for the whole year - I'd be at college fall and spring semesters, and he could try to visit me once toward the middle. I'd be home 3 months during the summer and one during Christmas - 4 total a year. Plus Spring Break. And perhaps, even, if I do well at NYU (I was a valedictorian, y'know.) and prove to my parents I can handle college without a problem, they'd be more open to the idea of him living in Jersey City or Brooklyn nearby.

 

Thoughts? comments? My thanks for the tedium of reading my post.

[Tony T]

You education should come first at this point. It's critical these days that you get as much education as possible. College degrees are almost like high school diplomas used to be. And women can no longer count on men to support them forever.

 

See this guy whenever you can, talk to him often, or whatever. But go to the college of your choice and study hard. You will thank yourself forever.

 

Meanwhile, my million dollars rests with the fact that you will meet somebody during your college years with whom you will have more in common and with whom you will fall more madly in love. That's just my opinion...something for you to think about.

 

If you and your current honey are meant to be, it will happen. But for now, you go to school and keep your mind on making the best grades you can. If you don't look out for your future, don't expect others to.

[Jonna]

IF your guy doesn't think it's gunna work out and he has no faith, then why even bother with him? And he broke up with you becuase some other girl threw herself at him? I think you should explore the college life by yourself without him. You might even actually like it better without him around. This way you'll be able to concentrate on school, and you may meet other people. You guys can still talk and keep in contact, but I say keep it light. I wish you the best of luck!- J

[SmallnSad]

I don't think it is necessarily bad of him to be scared of an LDR. There are a lot of LDR's out there that do fail. And of course, this is played out, but do you trust each other? I think trust is an integral issue in any LDR.

 

My boyfriend is being deployed next month, and so I am. I love him a great deal and I'm having serious thoughts about a very serious relationship down the line, but I have reservations about continuing the relationship while we are both so far apart. What if jealousy eats away at something that could have been great it we had only allowed it time? I don't know if I'm right, but maybe it's a good, healthy thing to put things on hold while you are so far apart, because when you can be together, you know it was meant to be. You can sort of, start anew and have those same giddy honeymoon feelings.

 

On the flip side, you do have to consider whether or not him not wanting to commit to you now means that if that great relationship does come up later on down the line, he'll be willing to make a sacrafice when it most matters.

 

Do you trust him? Do you see yourself making this investment for the long-term relationship? If it fails now, could you really pick it back up again once you can be together, or should you play it safe?

 

You should find out about he feels about all these issues. He may not have realized that by rejecting you now, he may never have you again.

 

G'night.