Distance is the ONLY problem!

[candice]

I a 20 year old female, who is in a ldr. This was our first year apart--he graduated, and I still have a year and a 1/2 left of school. Things have been amazing, until this last week--we nearly broke up! He is really having a problem w/the distance--he wants to be w/me more, but can't, and knows we have to do this for so much longer. He said calling it off would just be easier b/c he wouldn't have to hurt so much, but he couldn't do it--he says he loves me too much. He was going to move here, but can't b/c of work, and now I feel like I am waiting for him to flip out again, and tell me he can't handle it anymore--I want this to work, and so does he, but 5 hours is so far away.

Plus, he wants to all of the sudden, stop talking about the future--which he has never said before. He said he feels like we have no relationship b/c we are so far away, and we live even farther from each other when I am home. We will never BE close unless we are married---and he wants to be close so he know we can do it--before we are even engaged. I don't know what to do...any suggestions?

[Tony T]

Long distance relationships are lonely, unfulfilling and usually don't work. It's hard to kiss, hold hands, cuddle and otherwise interact in a loving way with somebody who is many miles away.

 

If you really love this man, free him to find his bliss. If the two of you were meant to be, that will happen.

 

My guess is that, while you may not feel this way now, you will be a lot happier yourself with someone in your own geographical area.

 

Relationships simply were not meant to be conducted over great distances. Human civilization is millions of years old, telephones are barely one hundred years old. Maybe before phones, people had relationships with smoke signals...who knows.

 

This is an ideal way to learn what real love is. Real, genuine love is not selfish and wants the best for the beloved. In this case, both of you are best off being free...at least while you are apart.

[Bärchen]

I have to agree with tony. I am currently in Hell because of a similar problem you describe here. My problem was somewhat worse than yours as I tried to make a long distance, culturally different relationship work in a different country.

If he is already thinking about breaking up with you, it will happen sooner or later. This I can almost assure you. As tony said LDR's work only for a very short time. Love needs almost daily contact with the object of your love to stay strong and exciting. Without this it is garaunteed to fail, maybe not today, maybe not next month, but eventually. The problem is that while you are apart he (and you) will start to have more and more fun with friends and other people and pretty soon someone will realise that they don't want the other person anymore as they are a hiderance and don't fit in their life anymore. I know this hurts to hear, but I am living through this at the moment.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Reckless]

Although I cannot disagree with the previous posts as regard to your particular circumstance I don't know if I agree that Long Distance relationships never work. Obviously, distance has to exist only as a transition - like crossing a desert to get to an oasis - but some couples can endure separation successfully for a limited period or even begin a virtual relationship to go on to build a real life one.

 

As a young couple, still learning and finding your way, the cards are stacked against your relationship ever working long distance, already it has proved too much to bear for your partner, but some, perhaps with more life experience behind them and a definite time limit on the separation manage to survive months (and occasionally years) apart and eventually re-locate to begin building a lasting and successful relationship. This is rare but possible. As I said, in your particular circumstance it would probably be better to separate and give each other the space needed to see if you want to be together later but I had to say that absence done occasionally make the heart grow fonder.

[Kidd Seuss]

[color=darkred]It sounds to me like y'all have grown apart a bit. Its not either of y'alls fault, but he's working professionally now and you are still in school. Most the time people overcome that, but then you add the long distance. If the future-talk is freaking him out all of a sudden, it sounds like he wants to take a break. And I think that would be a wise idea. It will give you time to establish your own independance once you graduate, and if the feelings are still there when y'all are geographically in-sync, then you can try it again. Unfortunatly, this is one of those curve balls life LOVES to throw at us. And there is no easy decision in this matter.

 

Drew [/color]

[starbabe69]

I'm currently in the midst of a ld relationship myself. It's hard to do, but we're doing it. I disagree with you saying that 5hrs is so far- my guy is overseas at the moment! Try that for distance... Anyway, we're keeping things going by phone, sexy emails, that sort of thing, and he's coming to see me in a month. At the present time, we're both working, but also seriously discussing moving to the other person. Ld isn't for everyone, but if it's meant to work, it's meant to work. If you can't overcome the obstacles, then maybe it's not meant to be. It's a year and a half you have left. That's a long time, but if you're right for each other, it can be done. You're talking like you want something permanent- is this true? 'Cause it might be an idea to discuss it; if neither one of you are sure, maybe it's time to move on. 1.5yrs is a long time, but the rest of your lives is forever.