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Constantly Working!


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My LD Boyfriend is always working. He makes very good money, but is always affraid that he will go broke if he takes a weekend off. He has worked for the past 3 weeks straight without a weekend off, this happens a lot of other times too though. He doesn't have to work weekends, his boss gives him the option. But since we live 200 miles apart it's hard to see eachother. I end up driving down to see him more often than he drives up here to see me. I don't mind driving to see him, but often times he has to work while I am down there. He works second shift so he gets home at 12 midnight, and most of the time we end up watching TV until 4am and then in the morning I just run errands with him. WE NEVER DO ANYTHING EXCITING!!! We have been dating since last June, and only twice have we been able to relax and not have to work when in eachothers company. The last time was last August. I do like him a lot, but any suggestions on how to get him to relax for a weekend? I am moving down there as soon as I get a good job in the Detroit Metro Area, so hopefully that will relieve some tension!....not just moving to be with him though, I have friends down there that I miss a lot too. Maybe this is more of a rant....but please, any suggestions would be great! :confused:

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I will never, ever understand why people will date people...even drive 200 miles to do so...to be in a totally undesireable situation. It defies logic.

 

Why do you drive 200 miles to date a guy who obviously, by your own post, would prefer to work than be with you??? This is just plain insane.

 

Why do you think there are things you can do to change him? Why should he change? He's got a lady willing to drive to see him and put up with his bullshxt. He probably can't find one lady where he is who will endure his inconsiderate nature and be put second in priority to his work...even when he doesn't have to work.

 

This is NOT his fault at all. It has nothing to do with him. He has been very honest and forthright in letting you know through his actions that you are not so important to him. If you were, he would knock off his optional overtime a bit earlier, work overtime every other week, or make some other compromise if he still wanted to work some overtime.

 

Obviously money is lots more important to him than you are. Is that the way you want to feel about all this?

 

If the guy is so poor he needs to work on weekends, you don't need him. If he's such a money hungry asxhole that he would leave you at his place while he makes more money rather than spend time with you, well...that's your problem if you're willing to put up with that treatment.

 

To answer your question, the only thing you can do is let him know that you will no longer travel to see him and sit around while he's working. Unless he is the only male in your state, it is simply bizarre to do this. This guy is NOT making you feel special. Tell him straight away that if he wants to see you, he'll have to make YOU the focus of his weekend...or at least his Saturdays.

 

I think he needs to start paying you mileage for that long drive as well....30 cents a mile X 400 miles roundtrip = $120. YOU are paying at least $360 a month gas and wear and tear on your car just to sit around his place while he's working. (That's if he makes the trip himself once a month.) That money would make you rich in retirement....and your costs are going up daily as gas prices go up in anticipation of the war with Iraq. Paying that kind of money to see a jerk is just plain nuts!!!

 

So exactly what kind of payoff are you getting enduring this from a guy who puts you second in his priorities? And, Gawd forbid, you ever got married to him how would you feel about him working every weekend when he should be with you, at the kids ballgames, at family picnics, or whatever. He would be sleeping in anticipation of going to work.

 

You won't change this guy but you can try. Start first by staying home and looking for another boyfriend.

 

A sweet lady like you paying those kind of big bucks to drive to see a first class jerk really pisses me off.

 

Sometimes I can't even get a lady to walk across the street to see me. Damn!!!

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Well, Tony, once again you have a great perspective on the situation. My BF is not the only reason I go down there though, I grew up in Metro-Detroit, so I have other friends that I visit as well when I am there. It's the whole fact that I have been dating this guy for a while and I don't hardly know what he is like in a public setting, make sense? He does come to see me every once in a while. He is not a poor guy, grew up poor though and is affraid that if he stops working he will go broke....and actually he is seeking "help" for his paranoia of $$$! Go figure that one out! At least I know he is responsible with his money....now I just need to be where gas is concerned...plus the wear and tear on my hoopty car!:o) He's not a bad guy at all, but you are right, I should start keeping my eyes open for other "oppertunities". Thanx Tony....sometimes it's hard to admit faults where men are concerned...I give in way too easily...and fall hard! I know it'll smack on the A** pretty hard one day, but til then.....

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