heyvelia Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 I've been having a problem with my boyfriend and our conflicting lifestyles. We are both in colleges far away from each other. He's 11 hours away so I rarely see him, other then the occasional visit, and when he's home for holidays. We've been together for over 2 years now, and it seems to get harder because we're growing up. Not only growing up, but (I feel) growing apart. Our personalities and interests are very different. He's a musician whose extremely sociable type, loves to party, always wants to make people laugh, and has the tendency to 'kiss-ass' (but he doesn't even know he's doing it). I, on the other hand, am open to new experiences, but don't like to get involved with the drunk college scene. I tend to be more reserved and prefer quiet time, like sitting down with coffee and a good book. When we're together our differences seem like a good thing, because we balance each other out. He's the crazy fun one and I'm more the calm fun one. It may sound odd, but it works so well. The problem is, when he's not here for months at a time, the time apart is extremely hard. He's out crazy- partying 4 nights a week, and the only thing I get is a drunk phone call... (of course he forgets he forgets he called me the next day). While hes out partying I'm reading or writing, things of that sort, then I fall asleep only to wake up to a phone call of how amazing his drunk night was. Other then phone calls like that, I feel like our conversations lack substance. When I talk to him about current events or something exciting I've learned about, he doesn't care. I feel like I'm talking to a wall. I have all of these ambitions and dreams to travel the world, and he doesn't seem to share any of that passion. One minute he says he cant wait to be with me in the future 'for good', yet when I start to talk about the future he gets frustrated and claims 'I'm too serious' and it turns into an argument. He claims he has all of these financial obligations and just recently I bought a rather pricey plane ticket to see him (without any of his financial support). In my opinion he should want to help me financially with something like that ( even if it is just a fraction of the price), because it is for US, not just ME. Our time apart has such an emotional toll on me as well. I feel like I'm crazy because I get jealous over the smallest things, that in reality mean nothing. I feel dependent and express so much more longing for him then I feel he does ( even though he tells me he loves me all the time). The constant 'I love you's' don't feel like they're enough. I obviously am the needy one who needs reassurance and he is the extreme opposite. All of these things seem to be adding up, and I feel like I'm putting more effort into this then he is, maybe I'm just biased. But it's almost like I see us growing apart when we're not together. I keep trying to convince myself its better when we're together, so I have to look towards the future, but I can only do that for so long. How do I keep our relationship alive despite the differences? Link to post Share on other sites
compassion42 Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 It sounds to me like you know the answers here. You aren't happy and the two of you are at very different stages in your life. They say opposites attract but I do believe that too many differences can really break a relationship. Have you thought about what you like about him? Are these things still a part of who he is today? Talk to him...tell him how you feel and maybe it will work out. If he can't give you what you want-maybe you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
markymark Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 well im from wales(uk) and i have the sweetest girl in australia (other side of world) we only see each other 1 time per year even thro i will move there soon..... what keeps us strong hmmmmmmm not sure i think trust is the main thing, its a true saying that opposites attract but if you dont trust this guy then its no point in being with him, seems he only thinks about you when hes guilty or drunk..take a good look at the situation and think if he's the guy that could make you most happy as it sounds to me that you want a sweet kind caring man and not a wild child...good luck in the future hope everything goes well for you which ever choice you make Link to post Share on other sites
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