Bill42 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Hi, new here - came to ask a question that's been on my mind recently. Don't have anyone here to ask for advice so why not ask you! I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years (I'm 22, she's 21). We go to school in different states, about 5 hours distance by car. She's graduating and doing her masters in the same town that she's in now, and is moving into an apartment with her good female friend and her friend's boyfriend. I don't have any problem with my gf living with her friend, but I find myself getting worried about her living with another guy - even though he's in a relationship. She's never given me any reason to not trust her, and she's actually the first person in my life that I've ever NOT had a reason to not trust, but I still worry about her living with a guy I don't know. I feel like I might just be looking for a reason to not trust her because that's what I "expect" in a relationship, and wonder if I'm over-reacting to a situation that I should not be worried about. Sorry this post was so long, I appreciate any thoughts. Bill Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I lived with a friend and her boyfriend before. There was never anything implied or otherwise between myself and the boyfriend. But I am the kind of friend that IF that kind of move was made I'd have told my friend. So only you know if she is that kind of girl - the kind that would find that kind of behavior detestable - and tell her friend about it. In the end they'd fight and my friend would confide in me - which steadily made the situation more and more uncomfortable for me because I knew so many very personal things about this guy. And then I knew about the complete dick moves he'd make or all of the details when he'd act like a jerk so it made it steadily more difficult to just hang around in the same house with him. They eventually broke up anyway - I think it was within four months or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I agree with Island Girl. If she's the type to do it, she will and it will probably be with someone who she's not roommating with. I'm not certain the close quarters will make much difference. I've never lived with another couple but have been caught between two very close friends who were dating, then broke up. It was a horrible feeling when they pulled you back and forth. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetie2007 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Yea, I agree with IG and TF, only you can know if she's trustworthy. Is she friends with this guy as well, or just through her friend? I've never lived with another couple, but I got to know a lot of my best friend's boyfriends, and am still friend's will a few of them, I felt weird, because she would tell me things, and he would tell me things, and if it didn't line up, I'd feel like I should tell, but who do I tell, who do I believe? Her BF's never hit on me, but if they had I would have told her 2 seconds later, if your girlfrien can hold her own, and won't hide things from you or her friend, then I wouldn't worry about it. Have you talked to her about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bill42 Posted March 10, 2007 Author Share Posted March 10, 2007 Thanks alot for the replies! She knows the boyfriend only through her friend, not individually. She's never given me a reason to think that she's un-trustworthy - as far as I know she's always been dead faithful to me, doesn't even flirt with other guys. But even with all the right signs, there's still doubt in my mind - and I don't think it has anything to do with her, it's my own insecurities that are causing it I think. Because she's so faithful and perfect, I think I might subconsciously be trying to find fault in her because that's what I've always been used to. The less I find "wrong" with her, the more I find myself looking for things to make me jealous. I should just stop thinking so hard about it, huh.... Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetie2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I should just stop thinking so hard about it, huh.... Just relax, and see what happens. Stay honest with her, and tell her how you feel, because if you want the relationship to stay honest and open, then you can't hide anything, even the things you might consider to be "unimportant", like insecure feelings.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bill42 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 We had a nice conversation about everything and I feel alot more comfortable about it now. Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Dadubwa Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Hey bill. I feel for ya. My girlfriend and I are both 18...my girlfriend decided to move out of her house early. We kinda lived together in my parents house for almost a year and a half (we've been dating for almost 2 years)...she has just recently moved out with her best friend, and her best friend's boyfriend. I was nervous. But where as my problem cleared right up because she only lives 3 mins from me. So I get to meet the dude, talk to the dude, and hang out with him. He's a very chill guy.... Maybe you have to make a trip out to see this apartment and such. I'm sure he's a nice guy, ya wanna know why? Who wants 2 girls as a roommate? Either and pimp or a nice caring guy right? (uhoh. He might be a pimp though lol)......I honestly wouldn't get too worked up about it. Just think about it this way.... While they're all kissy on the couch watching chick flicks...who's your girlfriend gonna be thinking about?? You. Hopefully. And what if he's a bad boyfriend...like an angry drunk, or gets jealous easy?...She'll be so thankful that your her boyfriend. It's totally natrual to feel the way you do whether she gave you a reason to believe she'd cheat or not. We all suspect there's someone out there better than us that you loved ones might fall for (unless you have a large ego) because it's human nature to compare ourselves with others...but the only way to be certain that doesn't happen is to be the best you can be, and be who you are!! Update if something happens. I'd like to see where this might go. Good luck bill! Hope this helped. Link to post Share on other sites
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