incaroadz Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months (it's a long distance thing). We actually started dating after my ex of 3 years and my first boyfriend/sexual experience broke up. It ended on pretty bad terms with a lot of lying and cheating on his part. We are not the best of friends but we still talk and "hang out" sometimes. He usually tries to get into my pants and after 9 1/2 months of saying no to him and trying to make a real friendship work... I finally caved and slept with him, not that it makes it any better but it only happened once. I no this is no excuse but we were both drinking that night. Which is fine for him because he can handle his booze but he knows I'm the cheapest drunk ever. I have two problems now: 1) I cheated on someone that really means a lot to me. We have been friends for 7 years and I know I owe it to him to be truthful but I do not want to lose him at the same time. Which is completely selfish of me. I have told him of my ex trying stuff before because I want this relationship to work so I have been truthful up until this point. 2) I know I should ditch the ex completely and I have tried before... I obviously failed at that. Everytime he calls and asks to hang out, I know I should say no or make an excuse but I always feel bad and don't want to hurt his feelings. I guess my questions would be... How/should I break this to my boyfriend? and How can I get rid of the ex with out being a complete bitch? Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah12385 Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 If this guy you're with now means so much to you, you have no reason to have any contact with your ex. I know the alcohol takes hold of things at a certian point, but why would you even drink with him knowing that after so many drinks, things could possibly heat up? Your boyfriend deserves to know the truth. It's hard, yeah, but most likely you will feel the guilt, and it will just eat away at you, and I'm sure you don't wanna live with that. Just tell your ex how horrible you feel now, and that's that. Your ex was a liar & cheater with you, you don't want to be like that with your boyfriend. You should take bad experiences like that and learn from them, and that the pain you felt from being lied and cheated to will be the same pain your boyfriend may feel. It's always better to be honest, even if it hurts, because even though it's painful sometimes to tell the truth, in the end, it has a greater good. But if you hold something like that back, it will just catch up to you, and he may even find out from another source, so just put it out on the table now and hope that you guys can work it out - Good luck *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I finally caved and slept with him, not that it makes it any better but it only happened once. I no this is no excuse but we were both drinking that night. Which is fine for him because he can handle his booze but he knows I'm the cheapest drunk ever. Really who cares? if you care so much for your current bf 1- you would not of even been SEEING your ex 2- you would not of been drinking around your ex, 3- you would not let your ex put his penis inside you how in the hell can you claim to care about this guy and do that? no offense but thats just incredibly selfish, spare me the "i cant let my ex go" speech, he was an a-hole to you, cheated on you, you found someone better and you repay them by going and boning some guy who used to cheat on you? thumbs up buddy, nice way to treat someone you "care" about I guess my questions would be... How/should I break this to my boyfriend? Guess what honey? unless the guy your with is only with you to bang you, he wont be your boyfriend much longer, no self respecting guy would let any chick do this to them, wave goodbye to the only person who did the right thing in this scenario How can I get rid of the ex with out being a complete bitch? uh? why are you so concerned with your ex's feelings? ill rephrase: why in the hell are you so concerned with the person you cheated with's feelings? tell him to f*ck off, tell him to leave you alone, but dont worry about coming off as a bitch, cuz u are gonna come off as much much worse to your now EX bf Link to post Share on other sites
Author incaroadz Posted November 20, 2005 Author Share Posted November 20, 2005 Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I just wanted to say that I did tell my boyfriend what happened and held nothing back. Yes, he was extremely hurt and pissed off. He may very well break it off with me. But at least I came out and told him the truth. It may take a while but hopefully everything works out the way it's supposed to. It that means me being by myself so be it. Thank you Sarah for the advice. It was hard but at least it's out there now rather then later like you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Which means what? i was wrong in my analysis of the situation? if so please enlighten me I just wanted to say that I did tell my boyfriend what happened and held nothing back. Yes, he was extremely hurt and pissed off. He may very well break it off with me. But at least I came out and told him the truth. It may take a while but hopefully everything works out the way it's supposed to. It that means me being by myself so be it. Ok, and you also havent had any contact with the guy you cheated on since u cheated right? I'd like you to take the time now to actually think about your bf, and think about how much you really care for him, if he does take you back, will you accept it? No offense again, but your bf is probably feeling insecure and unwanted as hell right now, to me..This is black and white: you cheated hence you dont deserve to be with the person, some people who have been hurt dont think this way, he may think youre the best he can do, he may think he'll have to settle for you, but should he? ask yourself: why would a guy want to still be with a girl who did this to him? love? that only takes you so far, what deep rooted problems would cause a person to not want to distance themselves from someone who could hurt them like that? maybe recognize that the best thing for him is to stay away from people like you from now on its just cuz I see sooo many posts of people cheating..and its SHADY as hell cheatin like with an ex or something..then the person they cheated on takes them back and theyre all smiles..not even thinking about the psychological damage they've caused or that the person might not actually be able to let them go, just a thought Link to post Share on other sites
Niccigirl Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 wen u tell him, he's not gonna want to be with u!!! and u no that, u need to face upto the concequences of ur actions. Ur bf will have 101 questions for u about y u did it, wot u were thinkin n i'm afraid that i was drunk will not be enough for him. U need to figure this stuff out b4 u tell him, ur exact feelings towards ur ex, he'll want to no, n if u pass it off as bein drunk he'll think ur a lier. Ur bf will think ur whole relationship has bin a lie n wonder wot else u've lied about. Even tho he may not get back with u u owe him so many answers, n u need to fix the mess u've created in his head. it'll prob b easier for him if he no's u had feelings for ur ex, coz then its not him, at least he can really hate u n get over u, but if ur gonna fight for him it'll be really hard, b prepared to do anything, sleep outside his door, dont give up, u'll spend a lot of time convincin v poor bloke. I dont no how ur gonna go about tellin him, just dont sleep with him!!!!! he'll feel horrible about havin slept with u after ur ex did. u'll need to never see ur ex again if u wanna make it work... r u prepared for all of that? u need to do some thinkin, wirte ur thoughts down to makethem clearer, then ur ready to tell ur bf. Link to post Share on other sites
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