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She wants commitment but hides me from ex.


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 5th November 2017, 11:46 PM   #1
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She wants commitment but hides me from ex.

What do you do when your girlfriend wants you to commit to her but doesn't tell her ex husband that she's had a boyfriend for the past 7 years. Her ex will occasionally call her and it's not unusual for them to talk for an extended amount of time. It doesn't bother me if they talk but when he says that he loves her, that should be the time for her to tell him that she's with me. She gives me reasons such as "he's just drunk or I don't want him to know my business" or she "only tells the people that are important to her about me". On a related note, whenever we've argued, she's told me that her ex is a better man than me. I was very committed to her a few years back but this is only one instance among others that have made me think twice about her behavior. At this point, I hit the road and I'm in no mood now or the foreseeable future to go back. Any words of encouragement would help tremendously. Thanks to all for reading.
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Old 6th November 2017, 2:16 AM   #2
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I wouldn't tolerate it. If they were in NC at all I would't demand to tell about me. But when they talk from time to time, I wouldn't have stayed any longer If she hided me from him.
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Old 6th November 2017, 2:34 AM   #3
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Creator indeed
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Old 6th November 2017, 2:47 AM   #4
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Am I reading this right? She has hid you from him for the past 7 years?

That is ludicrous. He hasn't moved on, but neither has she.
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Old 6th November 2017, 3:43 AM   #5
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On a related note, whenever we've argued, she's told me that her ex is a better man than me.
If a woman said that to me I would dump her on the spot. Why do you put up with that? Your girlfriend has no respect for you, ditch her.
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Old 6th November 2017, 8:48 AM   #6
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Uh, 7 year POA. Sorry, but by her comparing you to her ex, she has given boundaries to you own relationship. She sounds very controlling. I would be out looking for someone else. And I would be upfront with her, tell her exactly why....
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Old 6th November 2017, 8:49 AM   #7
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He's still calling her after seven years!?!?!? And she says he's better than you? Yeah. Get the hell out of there!!!!!!!!!
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Old 6th November 2017, 1:20 PM   #8
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What do you do when your girlfriend wants you to commit to her but doesn't tell her ex husband that she's had a boyfriend for the past 7 years.
Dump this chick with extreme prejudice. That's what I'd do. And I'd have done it about 6 years and 11 months ago.
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Old 6th November 2017, 2:58 PM   #9
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She's been sleeping with him for the past 6 1/2 years.

Run.
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Old 6th November 2017, 3:12 PM   #10
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Unless they have kids together she has no reason to keep in touch with her exH.

Her behaviour is unnacceptable and she does not deserve you after she concealed contact for an entire 7 years and keeps you a secret.

Time to find a women who is committed to you, because she is nothing but disposable waste for making you suffer through that.
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Old 7th November 2017, 4:29 PM   #11
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Sorry you are experiencing this. Sounds like the 'EX' isn't an ex. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. Can she be honest with you about her ex? Is she still in love with him? Sounds like this is baggage that you do not want to be involved in anymore. Don't let jealousy, strife, judgementalism, unforgiveness to enter into your mind or heart. I'll pray and stand with you that you will find postive answers and brighten your future.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:02 PM   #12
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Sorry you are experiencing this. Sounds like the 'EX' isn't an ex. Honesty and understanding each other's expectations are very central to an honest and trusting relationship. Can she be honest with you about her ex? Is she still in love with him? Sounds like this is baggage that you do not want to be involved in anymore. Don't let jealousy, strife, judgementalism, unforgiveness to enter into your mind or heart. I'll pray and stand with you that you will find postive answers and brighten your future.
Thank you RickWman, your prayer may have worked. I got a call from her tonight and she seems to be more receptive about my concerns. I was willing to walk away from this relationship, something she's not used to and something that took her by surprise. Thank you and thanks to everyone else for their support.
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Old 8th November 2017, 11:34 PM   #13
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If you canít commit to a relationship in 7 years, I would think really hard if it is at all possible in the future.
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:09 PM   #14
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Regardless of her suddenly being receptive...she says he's a better man than you during arguments....why do you tolerate it?
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Old 9th November 2017, 5:22 PM   #15
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Thank you RickWman, your prayer may have worked. I got a call from her tonight and she seems to be more receptive about my concerns. I was willing to walk away from this relationship, something she's not used to and something that took her by surprise. Thank you and thanks to everyone else for their support.
I am bout to dump a turd in your punchbowl of hope.

You are a fool to think she had a Eureka moment that totally changed her thinking between November 5th and November 9th. And on top of it that you are actually willing to walk away from the relationship. You've had almost Seven years to do so.

Only now you threatened this, and she came around? I don't think so.

Was she all full of Fireworks about this on Guy Fawkes Day and then came around as a fuse burned into a dud by Thursday?

I get it that you would like this to not have been a wasted seven year effort, but to think otherwise is delusional in the extreme. You would like someone to tell you something,in fact anything, that will back up your hope that this is all just a big misunderstanding and that almost a decade of miscommunication will come to an end as she proudly announces to her ex that she needs him in her life no longer.

It won't happen. I'm sorry, it just won't

No one keeps such things from an ex unless they have a vested interest in keeping them around for one reason or another. As in she is happy to carry on in 2 relationships because you probably have allowed it.

The only thing that will come of this is that she will hoodwink you into thinking all is well while she looks for other avenues to stay in contact with her ex.

Stevie Wonder could draw a diagram on this one.

Wake up.

Last edited by Space Ritual; 9th November 2017 at 5:25 PM..
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