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Aquantaince's girlfriend was cheating on him with me. Should I tell him ?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 1st October 2017, 3:56 PM   #31
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The situation was pretty suspect right from the beginning. You could have approached him if he was seeing her before continuing.....we all know where your mind was at, so you chose listen to her and dismiss your gut feeling about it because you were gettin it good.

Do you really feel duped by her? It was pretty much right in your face, you just refused to acknowledge it. You were doing this in secret am I right? You don't really have much of an investment with either of these two. No one is your friend, or best buddy....they were just acquaintances. She offered to bang you, and you took it. You caught feelings and got pissed she chose him over you. End of.....drops microphone.
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Old 1st October 2017, 6:33 PM   #32
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The situation was pretty suspect right from the beginning. You could have approached him if he was seeing her before continuing.....we all know where your mind was at, so you chose listen to her and dismiss your gut feeling about it because you were gettin it good.

Do you really feel duped by her? It was pretty much right in your face, you just refused to acknowledge it. You were doing this in secret am I right? You don't really have much of an investment with either of these two. No one is your friend, or best buddy....they were just acquaintances. She offered to bang you, and you took it. You caught feelings and got pissed she chose him over you. End of.....drops microphone.
I asked the guy as well and he said they were friends. Although this was before this girl asked me for a fling.

I do feel duped, she shouldn't have lied. I trusted her over my gut feeling, so yeah i do feel duped.Yes I did catch feelings because I thought we were exclusive as she told me. Also, dont forget that the fling only ended after I found out about them being sexually involved, otherwise this would have continued. Besides, it's hard to imagine that a girl who is involved with a guy would take me to his place behind his back for sex. All these actions and the way she used to talk to me about him made me feel they only friends. May be yes, there was some confirmation bias as well.

Great analysis dear friend.

She did something wrong. She lied to me about him and I am damn sure to him about me as well.

She should suffer for this and the guy deserves to know... whether I should tell him or leave it to chance in the future... that's the question.

Last edited by streetmaniac; 1st October 2017 at 6:50 PM..
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:09 PM   #33
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I asked the guy as well and he said they were friends. Although this was before this girl asked me for a fling.

I do feel duped, she shouldn't have lied. I trusted her over my gut feeling, so yeah i do feel duped.Yes I did catch feelings because I thought we were exclusive as she told me. Also, dont forget that the fling only ended after I found out about them being sexually involved, otherwise this would have continued. Besides, it's hard to imagine that a girl who is involved with a guy would take me to his place behind his back for sex. All these actions and the way she used to talk to me about him made me feel they only friends. May be yes, there was some confirmation bias as well.

Great analysis dear friend.

She did something wrong. She lied to me about him and I am damn sure to him about me as well.

She should suffer for this and the guy deserves to know... whether I should tell him or leave it to chance in the future... that's the question.
Stop painting yourself as the victim for you new
better and ignored the obvious and did not ask the
direct to the point questions to the other guy.

You did not follow up the if you are just friends then
I am going to ask her out and date her. You just did
enough to claim after the fact plausible deniability.
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:21 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by streetmaniac View Post
I asked the guy as well and he said they were friends. Although this was before this girl asked me for a fling.

I do feel duped, she shouldn't have lied. I trusted her over my gut feeling, so yeah i do feel duped.Yes I did catch feelings because I thought we were exclusive as she told me. Also, dont forget that the fling only ended after I found out about them being sexually involved, otherwise this would have continued. Besides, it's hard to imagine that a girl who is involved with a guy would take me to his place behind his back for sex. All these actions and the way she used to talk to me about him made me feel they only friends. May be yes, there was some confirmation bias as well.

Great analysis dear friend.

She did something wrong. She lied to me about him and I am damn sure to him about me as well.

She should suffer for this and the guy deserves to know... whether I should tell him or leave it to chance in the future... that's the question.
Sounds to me she cheated on you with him, and he knew you two were banging. So blowing the whistle on her is mute.
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Old 4th October 2017, 7:15 AM   #35
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Both of them are full on ignoring me already and I haven't even said a word to the guy yet.

I think the girl has told the guy some crap story about me because of which he is ignoring me now. she fears I might tell him what happened between us. Don't know what to do.
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Old 4th October 2017, 7:25 AM   #36
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Sounds to me she cheated on you with him, and he knew you two were banging. So blowing the whistle on her is mute.
No No he has no idea.
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:49 AM   #37
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Both of them are full on ignoring me already and I haven't even said a word to the guy yet.

I think the girl has told the guy some crap story about me because of which he is ignoring me now. she fears I might tell him what happened between us. Don't know what to do.
Stop being a drama queen.

And

You do know what to do. Keep your mouth shut.
Ghost them and go NC.

I do not see the problem here. She tried you out.
She tried him out. She picked him.

This happens to men all the time.

What is a man to do?

This is the time for him to man up and ride off
into the sunset, and keep his mouth shut.
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Old 4th October 2017, 11:00 AM   #38
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Stop being a drama queen.

And

You do know what to do. Keep your mouth shut.
Ghost them and go NC.

I do not see the problem here. She tried you out.
She tried him out. She picked him.

This happens to men all the time.

What is a man to do?

This is the time for him to man up and ride off
into the sunset, and keep his mouth shut.
I know what you are saying and it makes sense but this means she gets away with this ? The guy never gets to know she cheated on him (They were in a relationship w/o a title) ? He carries whatever negative image of me she has painted in front of him ?

This just seems unfair.

Anyway... you are right. I'll let them go. I do hope that he finds out one day though.

Last edited by streetmaniac; 4th October 2017 at 2:51 PM..
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Old 4th October 2017, 5:35 PM   #39
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Both of them are full on ignoring me already and I haven't even said a word to the guy yet.

I think the girl has told the guy some crap story about me because of which he is ignoring me now. she fears I might tell him what happened between us. Don't know what to do.
So now you see the manipulation first hand. She may already be attempting to do a preemptive Damage Control Strike by the silent treatment.

Now do you understand why I was so adamant for you to spill the beans when I first posted a reply?

I will respond under an assumption that she is being deliberate in her actions right ow..almost like following a time honored script.

If this goes the way I think it is, then she has told him that YOU...yes YOU have been coming onto her and that she finds you a bit over the top and creepy...when according to everything you said that is not the case.. So more than likely she has presented half truths to him to taint the narrative.

She hopes that if she gets him to ghost you along with her that you will just fade away like an Old Soldier.

I know you don't want any of my advice, but I'm going to tell you now that you would be best suited by dropping the bomb TODAY.

I certainly understand and can empathize with your wish to not let her get away with anything. I get that. We all do and most of us that were victims empathize totally.

Which is why you need to drop the curtain on this as soon as possible.

Time to throw caution to the wind.
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Last edited by Space Ritual; 4th October 2017 at 5:38 PM..
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Old 5th October 2017, 5:01 AM   #40
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So now you see the manipulation first hand. She may already be attempting to do a preemptive Damage Control Strike by the silent treatment.

Now do you understand why I was so adamant for you to spill the beans when I first posted a reply?

I will respond under an assumption that she is being deliberate in her actions right ow..almost like following a time honored script.

If this goes the way I think it is, then she has told him that YOU...yes YOU have been coming onto her and that she finds you a bit over the top and creepy...when according to everything you said that is not the case.. So more than likely she has presented half truths to him to taint the narrative.

She hopes that if she gets him to ghost you along with her that you will just fade away like an Old Soldier.

I know you don't want any of my advice, but I'm going to tell you now that you would be best suited by dropping the bomb TODAY.

I certainly understand and can empathize with your wish to not let her get away with anything. I get that. We all do and most of us that were victims empathize totally.

Which is why you need to drop the curtain on this as soon as possible.

Time to throw caution to the wind.
I will see what I have to do once these classes get over. I don't want any drama here in class. It's less than 2 weeks anyway. After that I will decide what to do, if anything at all.
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Old 11th October 2017, 8:02 AM   #41
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The girl did something really weird yesterday,

She texted after a long time today with "hey", I responded with "yeah". She then went away for hours and then asked if I attended the entire class to which I replied with a simple "yes". She never asked anything further. What was she trying to do ? Why not ask me further questions ?

Today in class again she ignored me and I ignored her back. So after class I got irritated and texted her that her behavior was weird and not to text me any further if this is how she was going to behave. She read but didn't reply.

What's going on ? Why did she text when we aren't even acknowledging each other in class anymore and when she really had nothing to ask ?
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Old 11th October 2017, 8:06 AM   #42
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You should let him know

My now husband cheated on me in the first months of our relationship with an ex. She didn't know we were serious apparently and that he asked me to get married. We now have a child and I found out only a few months ago about his betrayal with her and other women too. I really wish she'd told me. You might not be doing it for completely unselfish reasons but he has the right to know before she can play him again. Making an informed choice, as you say, it's a basic human right. And liars and cheaters needs to learn their lesson.
Good luck.
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Old 11th October 2017, 10:06 AM   #43
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My now husband cheated on me in the first months of our relationship with an ex. She didn't know we were serious apparently and that he asked me to get married. We now have a child and I found out only a few months ago about his betrayal with her and other women too. I really wish she'd told me. You might not be doing it for completely unselfish reasons but he has the right to know before she can play him again. Making an informed choice, as you say, it's a basic human right. And liars and cheaters needs to learn their lesson.
Good luck.
So many varied opinions. It's leaving me confused. Up until now I had decided t o let it go.

But please tell me, back then how receptive would you have been to the information of your husband cheating if it came from his ex ?Today you wish she had told you but would you have been this receptive back then ?Btw you are still with him ?
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