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How do I stop thinking about it all?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 20th September 2017, 3:42 PM   #1
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How do I stop thinking about it all?

This is my first post so I apologize if the format is not the way it generally should be.

I am struggling to move past a 3 year relationship with a younger woman.

I am 34 and she is 22. We started dating when I was 31 and she was 19. We met at University.

Everything was great at first but I ignored alot of signs during the 3 years. We stopped having sex except once every 6 months after the first 9 months we were together.

I graduated a semester before her and started looking for jobs. I was unable to locate a job immediately after graduation and it really brought me down. I wasnt able to feel good about myself or be the best bf either.

One month before she graduates she gets an internship. The man thats training her is older than myself by a few years. She told me he was married and had a kid.
They became friends and texted regularly about work and their band which he had invited her to join. She began to obsess about their music which was really really bad but I lied and told her their music was awesome.

Eventually their band practices started to last 8 hours. How naive can I be.
They continue to text all the time and get closer and closer. Eventually she begins telling me I dont even know her. That I am holding her back.
She even asked me if I thougth I deserved her. I didnt have an answer when she asked me that. I literally went blank.
Two days later we were broken up.
One month later i find out that she is now dating this guy. I find it hard to believe it didnt happen while we were still together. It has been 8 months now and I still think about the situation and the signs i missed every day. I havent heard a word from her at all.
I go through mixed emotions daily about whether i want to hear from her again or not.
Its all a mess and i dont know how to get her out of my head for good.

Any advice will be welcomed. Its been a rough day so if what im writing doesnt make any sense i apologize.

Thanks.
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Old 20th September 2017, 3:45 PM   #2
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Every break up comes with a painful period of mourning the death of the relationship. You will be sad, you will be angry, you will be empty. But eventually you will feel better. It just takes time.


For now, purge your life of her -- delete social media, throw away or at least box up mementos, file away the pictures. Try rearranging your living space so it doesn't remind you of her. Make it solely your own again.


Spend time with supportive friends & family.


Throw yourself into your new job. Keep active & busy.
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Old 20th September 2017, 3:50 PM   #3
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I have removed everything about her from my life. I have blocked all social media and any way for her to contact me except through email.

I dont get why im still pining for a woman who was clearly cheating on me after 8 months of not being together.

Reading all the threads on here about women and their bosses and how naive a woman can be when a man in position of power at work hits on them has really hit me hard. I am sure that she is emotionally immature as she is only 22.

I guess what i really want is for her to realize she was shady and really bad to me and to just apologize. I keep thinking i want them to fall apart but i will never know i guess.
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Old 20th September 2017, 3:54 PM   #4
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Oh-la-la.. eight months. Move on. You're most likely right, she played you and tried to hint to you what's going on because it got to her conscience. It's water under the bridge. Use your energy for something positive. Job, hobbies, family and friends.

No, you don't want to hear from her, believe me. Any contact is going to tear open old wounds. Make it as hard for her to contact you, and, obviously, under no circumstances contact her. Consciously think of other things. Read a book or play a game, anything that directs your thoughts to something else. There is no point in pondering her or what happened.
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Old 20th September 2017, 3:59 PM   #5
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Hardtomoveon


If you have been apart for 8 months the fact that you are posting now shows me that you are healing. You are now in a place where you are making conscious choices to let her go & be done with her. You are a bit angry which is OK because anger is a stage of grief. IMO it's a more productive one because it gives you energy & motivation.


Hang in there. You are closer to the finish line then you think.
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Old 20th September 2017, 4:05 PM   #6
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I havent once tried to contact her. Im very happy with myself for this accomplishment.
No i dont want to hear from her ever again.
Its really hard knowing that i was left for another man. Im very competitive and i feel like i lost 10 championship games at once.
I guess i dont understand how things work out for someone after they do someone they supposedly care about so wrong.
I literally was doing all the laundry, cooking, and everything while she was out cheating on me.
I feel like ive wasted important time at my age by being with someone like her. I dont understand why she didnt just end it much earlier without dragging me through all this stuff.

Women are a mystery to me i guess.
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Old 20th September 2017, 5:51 PM   #7
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So she left you for a married man. That doesn't say much about her does it.

She's no great loss. You deserve better.
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Old 21st September 2017, 2:01 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardtomoveon View Post
I have removed everything about her from my life. I have blocked all social media and any way for her to contact me except through email.

I dont get why im still pining for a woman who was clearly cheating on me after 8 months of not being together.

Reading all the threads on here about women and their bosses and how naive a woman can be when a man in position of power at work hits on them has really hit me hard. I am sure that she is emotionally immature as she is only 22.

I guess what i really want is for her to realize she was shady and really bad to me and to just apologize. I keep thinking i want them to fall apart but i will never know i guess.
Life is not fair mate but at some point you have to quit being a victim and go out and enjoy life.

Yes it sucks but she cheated on you, why you would let someone who did that continue to screw up your life and happiness is not on.

She's young and she's a cheat, most likely she will cheat again so other buddy picked a winner. Just be glad she didn't waste any more of your time (well no she still is kind of isn't she because you're allowing her to)

Move on. Go find another girl, date, have fun, be a bloke!
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Old 21st September 2017, 12:06 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardtomoveon View Post
This is my first post so I apologize if the format is not the way it generally should be.

I am struggling to move past a 3 year relationship with a younger woman.

I am 34 and she is 22. We started dating when I was 31 and she was 19. We met at University.

Everything was great at first but I ignored alot of signs during the 3 years. We stopped having sex except once every 6 months after the first 9 months we were together.

I graduated a semester before her and started looking for jobs. I was unable to locate a job immediately after graduation and it really brought me down. I wasnt able to feel good about myself or be the best bf either.

One month before she graduates she gets an internship. The man thats training her is older than myself by a few years. She told me he was married and had a kid.
They became friends and texted regularly about work and their band which he had invited her to join. She began to obsess about their music which was really really bad but I lied and told her their music was awesome.

Eventually their band practices started to last 8 hours. How naive can I be.
They continue to text all the time and get closer and closer. Eventually she begins telling me I dont even know her. That I am holding her back.
She even asked me if I thougth I deserved her. I didnt have an answer when she asked me that. I literally went blank.
Two days later we were broken up.
One month later i find out that she is now dating this guy. I find it hard to believe it didnt happen while we were still together. It has been 8 months now and I still think about the situation and the signs i missed every day. I havent heard a word from her at all.
I go through mixed emotions daily about whether i want to hear from her again or not.
Its all a mess and i dont know how to get her out of my head for good.

Any advice will be welcomed. Its been a rough day so if what im writing doesnt make any sense i apologize.

Thanks.
Yes I have some advice.....

You dodged a bullet. and 8 months is WAY too long to be giving a woman like this any headspace.

I am in my fifties, and I date women in their 20's. And I am fairly successful at it because I know the limits of any relationship that are May-December. I know they are usually short lived, and kept casual.

There is always going to be someone else who comes along, better looking, more talented, have more money, or a bigger dick. It is the nature of the beast. Although hard for many men to accept, accept it they must if they want a ride in Hottie Fantasyland.

No reason to torment yourself mulling this over. Because there is someone else out there that will find you just the man they are looking for. But you can't run into that woman while pining for someone who isn't coming back.
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Old 21st September 2017, 12:53 PM   #10
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Yes you're right space ritual. When I first started dating her I had that exact attitude and I knew she wasn't forever. Over the course of 3 years I convinced myself otherwise. I was having a rough day when I made this post. Thanks for your advice. Time to buck up and move on with my life.
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