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Broken trust


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 24th August 2017, 11:10 AM   #1
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Broken trust

Hi guys, first time poster here. This is going to be a long one but I need advice. To put a bit of background in it, me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 years and have 2 young children between us. In those five years there have been good and bad times.
After going out for about 6 months, I found out she lied to me and went to meet another guy, called Jack. She swore nothing ever happened and all they did was lie in bed and talk for a couple of hours, she then came and met me after work like nothing happened. I eventually found this out after she left her Facebook open and I saw the messages between them, they made me sick. I was about to walk out when she broke into tears and told me it meant tnothing and said she wants to be with me. I decided to work through it because I'd never met a girl like her, and she was worth it. We lived our lives happily for about a year before he turned up again, he had messaged her and I saw it, she said they had been talking for about a week but nothing else was going on. I said if you love me then just stop talking to him, or I'm walking out. She stopped and blocked him and didn't speak to him for a while.
This happened a couple more times over the years and I started to wonder what the **** is the deal with this guy? And she said he was an ex boyfriend from school who she never had the chance to get with, I said that we can't keep doing this, and it's either me or him, and she picked me again and I was hoping that was the end of it.
Now, the past month she's got a new job, after being stuck at home looking after the kids, I helped her and pushed her to follow a career and stick with what she loves;hairdressing. Guess who's popped up again?
She had made up a whole fake night out with a friend and had gone to see him play one of his gigs, and ended up staying In a hotel with him?! She swears that nothing happens and all they did was talk, he confirms this and says that she's been unhappy with me for months, and his words to me after I messaged him was that I should let her go to be happy?
I know things get hard, and they change when you both have careers and children, but why does she keep running back to him? Am I fighting a losing battle here? After it's happened this time I left and stayed back at my moms for a night, and when I came back her attitude was completely different, she strung me along all last week and said she doesn't love me anymore. We had a big argument on Saturday just gone and I left.. After smashing her phone with a hammer lol. ( it seemed the cause of all evil at the time) I came to pick up my clothes the next day after we'd both calmed down and she broke down in tears saying that she loved me and doesn't want to lose me.. My heads a complete mess right now and I want to believe her, but the trust is proving too hard to get back so far. It has only been 2 weeks after this incident and I've asked her to block him from all social media and delete his number, which she did. I've been trying all week to get things going again, even did the whole meal and rose petals deal last night, she said it was cute, not the answer I was after.
I was on the iPad last night and found that she's tried looking at him instagram page, but haven't confronted her about it. I wanted to at least try a couple of weeks before saying anything else, but we've both said it's a new start, a fresh chapter.
The reason she gave for cheating the latest time was that I don't do enough at home, I said that was an excuse to break up with me and she said it wasn't, that was the night I smashed her phone up. I honestly trying my best this week, ive taken a week off work to spend time with her and the kids, cleaned non stop and had dinner waiting each night but she doesn't seem happy, or too bothered that I'm doing all of this. What should I do?
I really need some other opinions here guys 😔
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Old 24th August 2017, 11:32 AM   #2
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You are not married, she has serially cheated with the same guy over and over.

I say it's time to leave her behind.
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Old 24th August 2017, 7:10 PM   #3
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Do you know if your girlfriend lost her virginity to this guy? I have heard of women who lost their virginity to a predator type guy and after that he can walk into her life whenever and have his way with her. Your girlfriend keeps hooking up with the same guy; there must be some powerful attraction for her to do this.
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Old 24th August 2017, 10:27 PM   #4
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Do you know if your girlfriend lost her virginity to this guy? I have heard of women who lost their virginity to a predator type guy and after that he can walk into her life whenever and have his way with her. Your girlfriend keeps hooking up with the same guy; there must be some powerful attraction for her to do this.
Somethings you can bet the farm on:

She has cheated with this OM more times
then you know.

She has sex with this OM more times then
you realize, right from the beginning and
every time the restarted the affair.

Time to DNA test you kids then dump her.
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Old 25th August 2017, 2:00 PM   #5
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If it's matters to your considurations to stay or not, she had sex with him while being with you. No doubts.
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Old 26th August 2017, 3:01 AM   #6
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Hi guys, thanks for the replies.
We are not married, but there is no solid proof she's ever had sex with him, she swears nothing happened in that hotel or any other time.
She didn't lose her virginity to him, they had a fling for a few days whilst they were at school, with a lot of flirting before and after.
I really don't know what to believe, but I really hope she hasn't had sex with him, she wouldn't of had the chance any other time, they only ever got as far as sexting each other before I found out about it.
I love her with all my heart and I'm trying to put this behind us, her friends don't help either, they're only ever around when there's drama but I don't know how to stop her from talking to them either.
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Old 26th August 2017, 8:06 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Sammeh01 View Post
Hi guys, thanks for the replies.
We are not married, but there is no solid proof she's ever had sex with him, she swears nothing happened in that hotel or any other time.
She didn't lose her virginity to him, they had a fling for a few days whilst they were at school, with a lot of flirting before and after.
I really don't know what to believe, but I really hope she hasn't had sex with him, she wouldn't of had the chance any other time, they only ever got as far as sexting each other before I found out about it.
I love her with all my heart and I'm trying to put this behind us, her friends don't help either, they're only ever around when there's drama but I don't know how to stop her from talking to them either.
Then tell her to take a polygraph. She should
not mind because she did not do anything,
according to her.
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Old 26th August 2017, 9:50 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammeh01 View Post
To put a bit of background in it, me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 years and have 2 young children between us. In those five years there have been good and bad times.
After going out for about 6 months, I found out she lied to me and went to meet another guy, called Jack. She swore nothing ever happened and all they did was lie in bed and talk for a couple of hours,
Oh man, not again. I am seeing too many of these type of posts here on L/S. Seems to be a surplus of Betas showing up here as the summer winds down.

I did not even need to read any further than this to know how the post ends.

I can understand giving somebody a second chance. I mean people do deserve a chance to redeem themselves.

But you've been dealing with this for 5 years and she pulled this crap after 6 months and it has continued?

It really does not matter what we advise, you will probably not take any advice from any of us. This chick has your sack in a hope chest above the mantle in the Living Room.

Dude, there is a difference between being an optimist and being a doormat. Only after you come to this realization and act in the best interest of yourself and your children (if they are in fact yours, as I would have serious doubts).

The only way you will see a definitive outcome in a situation like this is to go Shock and Awe and kick her ass out, get the kids DNA tested and push her to go try on real life with her Knight in Shining Corduroy. See how life is when she has to smell his farts in bed and pick up his skid marked drawers. That usually forces a decision one way or the other.
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Old 26th August 2017, 9:53 AM   #9
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Then tell her to take a polygraph. She should
not mind because she did not do anything,
according to her.
Road, my man...you are too kind and obviously a much better man than I. I would probably only tell her to google directions to the Bus Station and go there and purchase herself a 1 way ticket out of my life.
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Old 26th August 2017, 9:58 AM   #10
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You may be trying to put it behind you but she isn't. I'd leave her in NY minute. And yes, she's slept with him before. Alot.
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Old 26th August 2017, 10:02 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Sammeh01 View Post
Hi guys, thanks for the replies.
We are not married, but there is no solid proof she's ever had sex with him, she swears nothing happened in that hotel or any other time
.

I hope you understand that the Lion's Share of us regulars in this subforum were subjected to exactly the same thing.

Do you think very many of us bought this for very long? We did at one time. And now we are here.

That should tell you all you need to know. I do not apologize one iota for being harsh on you...you really need the scales to fall from your eyes and see you are being fed a heaping helping of a Crap Sandwich and are being expected to ask for some Au Jus to dip the bread in so you can savor the flavor.

Please do not be this naive...please!
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Old 26th August 2017, 11:30 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Sammeh01 View Post
Hi guys, thanks for the replies.
We are not married, but there is no solid proof she's ever had sex with him, she swears nothing happened in that hotel or any other time.
The thing is, I know about hundreds, even thousands of cases inwhich it started with "Only talking", following with "just hugging and innocent kissing" following to "making out" through "just fingering" all the way to full sex.

Yes, I also know very few cases in which the "Only talking" was really only talking (Less than 1%), but theses cases were different... The innocent cases were characterized by the following:

1. No trickle truth since the exposure
2. The cheater felt so ashamed and regreted, and it never happened again.
3. It was a new person they met, not someone they already had a fling with.
4. They were not spending the night together in a hotel room!!!!!!

Come on man... There is a time when a man must get his sanity back, see reality as it is, and stop believing to bizar fairy tales. If you still love her and want to forgive, do it. But don't burry your head in the sand. Being so dumb does not suite you and does not compliment you.

Last edited by lolablue17; 26th August 2017 at 11:36 AM..
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Old 26th August 2017, 12:54 PM   #13
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What you should do is WAKE THE F UP!

The only reason she comes back is that you are her meal ticket/ her freedom from responsibility. You enable her by wiping her Highness's butt, bending over backwards to please her. It's not going to work. Nope, not at all. She's going to make you think everything is hunky dory, and continue to cheat on you while you are suck at home watching the kids, cooking and cleaning. You are blind, oh so blind. She is using you. Without your support, life is going to suck for her and she knows this. The reality is, she really doesn't want to be with you but has to out of convenience.
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Old 28th August 2017, 1:35 AM   #14
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Dude, please...

Dude, please...

I guess this is the first woman that you have ever been with.

She has been screwing him from the very beginning and lying to you the entire time.

Please get a DNA test on your children and leave this woman yesterday.
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Old 28th August 2017, 1:46 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammeh01 View Post
Hi guys, thanks for the replies.
We are not married, but there is no solid proof she's ever had sex with him, she swears nothing happened in that hotel or any other time.
She didn't lose her virginity to him, they had a fling for a few days whilst they were at school, with a lot of flirting before and after.
I really don't know what to believe, but I really hope she hasn't had sex with him, she wouldn't of had the chance any other time, they only ever got as far as sexting each other before I found out about it.
I love her with all my heart and I'm trying to put this behind us, her friends don't help either, they're only ever around when there's drama but I don't know how to stop her from talking to them either.
You can't stop her or make her do anything.

Cheaters lie a lot. You are extremely naive to believe this crap over and over and over again. It's like a broken record and she's playing you line a violin.

She's shown you who she is but you refuse to believe. This is mainly on you now. You should have known better.
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