Pixie90 Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I'm in my mid 20's and he's a few years older. Him and one of his good guy friends are going flying to go on a trip in a couple of weeks to someplace warm and go golfing etc. My boyfriend and I have never gone on a big vacation together that involved flying. We have taken mini road trips that involved driving 2 or 3 hours. My boyfriend and I really want to take big trip together, he has even offered to pay for me. However, I'm currently going back to school and living with my strict Asian parents ( My boyfriend is Caucasian). While I live with them, I have to follow their rules. They do not believe in sex before marriage and going on trips alone together. I hope that once I move out (which I hope is soon) they wont be able to have a say in what I choose to do. Until then, I'm afraid to start planning a trip with him. I've been feeling an insane amount of guilt that there is this rule on our relationship, and I feel we are missing out on what other couples get to do. He so badly wants to go on trips with me. I'm feeling jealous he gets to experience these fun big trips with his friends. He wants me to be happy for him that he gets to go to this destination, and he doesn't get to travel much. He gets to have so many amazing memories with his friends, and all I want is the same and be able to say "Wow. remember when we did this" and be able to have adventures with each other. Can anyone give me any advice on how to not feel jealous and not to feel guilty? Edited April 4, 2017 by Pixie90 missing info Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 he has even offered to pay for me. However, I'm currently going back to school and living with my strict Asian parents ( My boyfriend is Caucasian).( Seems to me he already has tried to go on a trip with you. What do you expect him to do? You probably hide your relationship because of your parents, you can't really do normal couple stuff. He has to live his life. If your parents are such a big influence then what's going to change in the future if race is an issue? Whether you graduate out of college and get your own place, it's your parents accepting your boyfriend that's the biggest hurdle. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 You can be jealous. He's getting to do something you want to do. I'd feel envious too. It sounds like things will shake out once you are on your own. Until then you are stuck under your parents' thumbs. You can't expect your older BF to abide by their rules. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 You can certainly be envious, but you being under your parents will isn't his fault. Anyway, this is a guy golfing trip. Yawn. You just need to concentrate on getting out of school or whyever you are living with your parents still, and then get two jobs [get one while in school part-time and get a secret bank account your parents can't touch. Have the statements just sent to your phone unless they can see your phone (did they buy it?)] and then save up for moving out. If you can't hide the statements, get a PO Box. Once you move out, just stop telling them what you're up to and live your own life. They had their life to live as they chose, and they don't get to have yours too. Your life is your life to live as you choose, and without guilt. So start working asap. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 My son has an Asian girlfriend with strict parents who won't let her out too, she lies to them and tells them she's going elsewhere when she's really at our house......not suggesting you do this....but just saying it's worked for her for the past 3 years. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Direct your hurt and feelings of being left out where the problem begins - your parents. Your guy sounds like he's done everything he can to involve you. He's not doing anything wrong. You are either going to have to stand up to your parents (which will probably involve moving out) or accept your b/f going on holidays without you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Can anyone give me any advice on how to not feel jealous and not to feel guilty? Get a job and move out. You are in your mid 20's. When I went to college I worked 2 jobs and sometimes a 3rd if I could get some hours. and was still a full time student and was doing it in my 30's. It can be done, I assure you. That way you can afford to make your own rules and not have to live according to a parental code in your 20's. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 You can be jealous. He's getting to do something you want to do. I'd feel envious too. It sounds like things will shake out once you are on your own. Until then you are stuck under your parents' thumbs. You can't expect your older BF to abide by their rules. Or....you can take the healthy adult approach and be happy for him. I dated a girl who was jealous every time I took a day off of work. It's not very loving or supportive. Be happy for people, not jealous or envious of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pixie90 Posted April 5, 2017 Author Share Posted April 5, 2017 You probably hide your relationship because of your parents, you can't really do normal couple stuff. He has to live his life. If your parents are such a big influence then what's going to change in the future if race is an issue? Whether you graduate out of college and get your own place, it's your parents accepting your boyfriend that's the biggest hurdle. Race isnt a issue in our relationship. My parents know about us and he has been over on holidays, dinner etc. There is no hiding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pixie90 Posted April 5, 2017 Author Share Posted April 5, 2017 I want to be happy for him, I really do but i want to find a way to be genuine about it and not just tell him I am. Im not controlling in that he can never see his friends or have a life outside of our relationship. I know that is not healthy. We see our friends and spend time apart. I feel guilty that I havent moved out sooner and just a lot of built up emotions. I try to make up for what i cannot give. Be supportive when it comes to his job and when hes stressed, making him hot meals before he would get home when he worked 2 jobs and 70 hours a week etc. I try to be the best girlfriend I can be. And when i feel i lack in certain areas i get insecure and feel guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 You parents are the issue....they have made you feel if you don't be a good girl and excel in studies you are a bad person. This guilt has carried into how you view yourself in your relationship, that if you can't please your BF because you can't go on trips, makes you a bad GF.......I say STOP IT NOW. You need to stop judging yourself like that....you will not succeed in life beating yourself up over things you don't have control over. The Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
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