Girlfriend of 6 months has "wandering eyes"?

[XavierCollins]

My girlfriend and I met eachother and became official after about 2 weeks of dating. I have heard that relationships can't be stable if you jump in so quickly...well,thats just how it happened with us. Im 32, she's 30. I have a 9 year old daughter and she has an 8 year old son. They're just 4 months apart. We introduced our kids to eachother almost instantly after we met. They've gotten along great.

 

She had just been screwed over by a punk she had been dating a couple of weeks prior (she has a history of falling for punks.) I know she had been hurting, and she was anxiously seeking a real man. I, on the other hand, have a long list of crazy exes. I dont know why I was dealt that hand. Just before me and her met, I had an ex from a couple years ago come back into my life by trying to get me in trouble in some legal situation. The woman is crazy...

 

Back to my girlfriend-- I was interested in her first, before she became interested in me. It's now been about 6 months since we met, 5.5 months that we've been in a relationship.

 

She comes from a broken home. Neglectful mother, deadbeat father who was hardly in her life. She's emotionally damaged in ways. I also know that she has a promiscuous past. I don't believe she's ever physically cheated on any of her boyfriends, but I know that she "liked to get around" when she was single. She claims she wants stability now, and so do I. Because of all of her emotional trauma she's dealt with, she used to tell me a couple different times how she's "ruined." I would try to console her whenever she told me this. We started having ups-and-downs about a month into our relationship (is that too soon?)

 

Now, for people who tell me not to overanalyze facebook stuff, realize this-- we live in an era where social media is paramount. And there are plenty of girls who use it religiously. My girlfriend being one of them. So what these people say/dont say on facebook, can be telling. My girlfriend got really quiet on facebook about me (barely posting anything about me anymore.) This was about a month into our relationship when we started having "down" moments. I did some snooping and found that she had added a few random LOCAL single guys from our area on facebook. I then noticed she had been Liking these guys pictures, and leaving occasional flirty comments on their statuses. One of the guys lives in a nearby city and has a couple thousand facebook friends, mostly females. She ripped through this guys album on facebook and started Liking a bunch of random selfies he took, dating back to a year ago. We'll call him "Guy A". He seems like a facebook-aholic. He gets alot of females Liking his posts/pictures. My girlfriend also followed these guys on Instagram. This all happened while she never had our relationship status visible on her page. I made the facebook relationship status update when we became official, she accepted, but kept our status hidden on her page. I didnt want to mention this to her, because I know I would come off like a creepy, clingy stalker.

 

In January, we had our highest "up" moment of our relationship. During this time, she was posting about me more, posting some pictures of us, and I even noticed that she deleted those random local guys, and made our relationship status visible, finally.

 

Fast forward to now, in March, we have our occasional ups-and-downs, but she still seems "in-tune" with me. And she still posts occasional pictures of us/our kids, and writes thoughtful statuses about me. (Although, she hasn't put me in her profile picture. That's not a huge deal, but it makes me scratch my head a bit because she did that with her last ex...)

 

So, things seem okay right now, however... When she deleted those guys off facebook a couple of months ago, she never unfollowed them from instagram. Well just a few days ago, I happened to be on instagram and noticed in my Activity Feed that she had recently liked THREE recent selfies that "Guy A" had posted.

 

I have a hard time believing these are just "harmless Likes" because this was one of the random guys she added a few months ago when our relationship was rocky. Why does she do this? Does she crave male attention/validation that badly? Does she view this as harmless? Or are her eyes still wandering because maybe she "settled" for me and I'm not really her type? Either way, I feel pessimistic about this. She also likes to bust balls. Some of our mutual friends do too. For example; one time, one of our friends was looking at a picture of me and her and he said, "Dude you have such a creepy smile!" And she said, "Well we all know how irresistible he apparently is!" Taking digs at my looks. She can be pretty blunt when joking around like this, but that kind of comment made me wonder if I'm not even her type (physically, at least.)

 

Another odd thing I noticed, she re-friended a guy who used to be her "best friend" months before we met, who she stopped talking to because he screwed her over with multiple things. One of those things being, they used to hook-up and she eventually found out that he secretly had a girlfriend WHILE they had been hooking-up. (Yep, another punk she was involved with.) They weren't in a relationship but she claimed they were "best friends." Well she re-added him on facebook all these months later. And Im just wondering...why?

 

ANOTHER odd thing, I had been on facebook one day and saw that she wished some guy a Happy Birthday. She doesn't wish random people Happy Birthday, only the people she knows/is fond of. Means nothing, right? Well I know most of her friends, and I have no idea who this guy is. He's a good-looking guy too. I dont know if he's an old friend of hers, or if he was one of the random guys she added and is seeking attention from. I dont know..

 

I truly dont feel like Im overanalyzing that much, because i feel like these are valid concerns. Some of you may ask me why dont I break up with her.. I dont want to break up with her but Im just feeling insecure about this stuff. If she wants stability so bad, why can't she stop her eyes from wandering? I hate to say this, but is this a case of "you can't turn on a ho into a housewife"?

 

Honest thoughts?

Edited March 20, 2017 by XavierCollins

[mikeylo]

My girlfriend and I met eachother and became official after about 2 weeks of dating. I have heard that relationships can't be stable if you jump in so quickly...well,thats just how it happened with us. Im 32, she's 30. I have a 9 year old daughter and she has an 8 year old son. They're just 4 months apart. We introduced our kids to eachother almost instantly after we met. They've gotten along great.

 

Seriously dude, I didnt go past this.Waaaayyyyy toooooo fast.