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I think my sister is sleeping with my ex


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 7th February 2017, 9:47 PM   #1
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I think my sister is sleeping with my ex

My ex and I broke up a few years ago, it absolutely devastated me as he cheated and then ghosted me. We were together for about 3 years.

Last year my sister told me that she and my ex were talking on Facebook. I asked her to show me the messages and she refused. When she finally did, the messages didn't make sense and it looked like she deleted some of them. She told him she forgave him for what he did (which in itself made me cringe). I noticed that they were texting back and fourth, I tried to be okay with it but when I finally had enough, she confessed that he has asked her out for drinks and as she called it 'a date'. She acted like the victim and told me I shouldn't talk to him anymore, that he's a bad guy. I was furious and I called him, telling him to stop bothering my family and leave us alone.

I noticed that my sister never deleted his Facebook, and today he was mentioned in our conversation. I've asked her many times if she deleted him and if they were talking, she said they're not friends and as far as I could see on my Facebook, they weren't. I asked a friend to see, just because I had a weird feeling about it. My friend showed me the screenshot that they ARE friends still. So she's been hiding it and lying. I tried to confide in my mom but she constantly writes it off as me overthinking things. She has multiple times gone to hotels overnight, she'll say it's alone or with a guy she usually hooks up with. But I have a very bad feeling it's with my ex. Should I have a right to feel this way? I don't know what to do, but it threw me into a nervous panic attack when I found out I was right.

Any advice or feedback is greatly appreciated
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Old 7th February 2017, 10:11 PM   #2
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Until you have proof positive I wouldn't point a finger. Maybe she is but in a case like this that can rip a family apart, I would wait until you know 100%. I hope it's not true because to me that's crossing the line and wrong.
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Old 7th February 2017, 10:18 PM   #3
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Chances are it's him
What can you really do ? She's an adult and so is he
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Old 7th February 2017, 10:39 PM   #4
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The point isn't about what i can or cannot do, my sister is my blood and it would be unforgivable if she did something like that.
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Old 7th February 2017, 10:50 PM   #5
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If she has not heeded your request to delete him as a friend and he certainly is not going to listen to you demanding he leave your family alone, you need to put more pressure on your sister and let her know that you do not approve of their secret relationship. You need to sit down with her and share how much it affects you because he hurt your feelings by cheating. If she doesn't listen then tell her you will not communicate with her until she ends her thing with him. I hope this helps you,good luck.
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Old 7th February 2017, 10:58 PM   #6
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If she has not heeded your request to delete him as a friend and he certainly is not going to listen to you demanding he leave your family alone, you need to put more pressure on your sister and let her know that you do not approve of their secret relationship. You need to sit down with her and share how much it affects you because he hurt your feelings by cheating. If she doesn't listen then tell her you will not communicate with her until she ends her thing with him. I hope this helps you,good luck.
Thank you I really appreciate that
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Old 7th February 2017, 11:04 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Brittybritt92 View Post
My ex and I broke up a few years ago, it absolutely devastated me...I don't know what to do, but it threw me into a nervous panic attack when I found out I was right.

Any advice or feedback is greatly appreciated
He's been an ex for a few years now. It's very unhealthy to remain so obsessed with the details of his life--who he dates, who his FB friends are, and what he's doing with his life. As an ex, he shouldn't occupy so much head space that you're still having panic attacks about who he might be dating years after your breakup.

I would recommend individual counseling to help you understand why you remain so stuck and to help with the process of detaching emotionally and moving on.
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Old 7th February 2017, 11:10 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by angel.eyes View Post
He's been an ex for a few years now. It's very unhealthy to remain so obsessed with the details of his life--who he dates, who his FB friends are, and what he's doing with his life. As an ex, he shouldn't occupy so much head space that you're still having panic attacks about who he might be dating years after your breakup.

I would recommend individual counseling to help you understand why you remain so stuck and to help with the process of detaching emotionally and moving on.
I would tend to agree with this, except for the fact it's her SISTER.

I would feel betrayed by my sister as well. I don't think this is about the ex at all for the OP. It's about her sister bonding with someone who hurt her deeply.
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Old 7th February 2017, 11:29 PM   #9
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I would tend to agree with this, except for the fact it's her SISTER.

I would feel betrayed by my sister as well. I don't think this is about the ex at all for the OP. It's about her sister bonding with someone who hurt her deeply.
It's easy to see how OP might be jealous and feel disrespected... but how much can she really expect to control other people's lives? After several year have passed I don't know that she should feel like she has right of first refusal or anything like that. How far does the expectation extend with her sister? Any guy she's been out with, any she sort of likes, any she's turned down? Should she make a list of all the guys in town who are off limits to her sister?

Ideally the sister would be more respectful of OP's feelings, but if they're competitive rather than cooperative I don't know that OP has much recourse other than to throw a hissy fit, and while it might be amusing it has no power whatsoever.
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Old 7th February 2017, 11:59 PM   #10
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I know this must be triggering all sorts of emotions in you right now, but I strongly recommend you try to ignore this, and I'll tell you why.

Firstly, it will let your ex know he still matters, and my guess is he will get off on that. Don't give your him the satisfaction of knowing he can still cause you pain. He is a creep and doesn't deserve a single moment of your time. Rise above it.

Secondly, if your sister is sneaking around behind your back, you can take solace in the thought that she is probably going to experience being cheated on by your ex first hand. However, she won't have the comfort of her sister to confide in when that happens. She will just have to suck it up. Maybe she might learn a thing or two about loyalty.

Some people might call the karma.
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Old 8th February 2017, 12:17 AM   #11
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Of all the men in the world why would she want to hook up with YOUR ex? And why does he have to have your sister? What ****ty people. sorry, but... I would find this unforgivable. It's a terrible betrayal. I'd cut ties with both of them.
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Old 8th February 2017, 12:37 AM   #12
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The point isn't about what i can or cannot do, my sister is my blood and it would be unforgivable if she did something like that.

A conundrum indeed.

Of course it goes without saying that regardless you are entitled to feel any way you want. I surely am not going to attempt to change your mind or say it shouldn't bother you.

It is one thing if it was a friend of yours, but you sister no less.

Screenshots or not, it must be disconcerting to you to even imagine the visual of her getting your sloppy seconds.

Assuming this is indeed the case, I highly doubt you ex has any feelings at present other than what a bonus he has. He can make all the locker room jokes about "keeping it in the family" all to a boisterous cheer form his buddies who probably find it humorous as all get out.

It would be one thing again to be able to not allow it to occupy headspace if it was a fiend of yours, but a sister making time with your ex is another matter altogether.

You have to assume at this point that being the reaction you already go form you mother, that there is no use in trying to get her to understand, as she is the mother to both of you.

And of course, I doubt if you question your sister again she is just going to come out and admit it. Especially bow that she has already lied to you about the FB stuff.

As an aside it amuses me to no end how stupid people are about social media and how hey always think they have their bases covered and the forget to cover their tracks. It happens alot.

At this point, I think your best bet would be to go as dark on your sister as you can. Don't discuss it with your mom. If indeed your sister is going to trip up n an epic way, Valentine's Day next week would probably be a time she might let her guard down. If something is going on between them, Next Tuesday would be very telling.

Your sister does not sound like she is too smart so if you can play dumb and have as little contact with her for the present as possible she may end up having a Eureka Moment and spill the beans or she'll trip up and blow everything to hell. Either way if you can keep a poker face for he next week an act like you are not even thinking about it, hen you might get your answer sooner than you think. Guys in a situation like this are either totally in love with the girl and when it all comes out will stand right behind her no matter what, or if he is like what I imagine and is just wanting the novelty act of getting a piece of ass off of both of you, he will not want the drama that comes with this and if he thinks the jig is up he will throw her under the bus. There probably won't be anything between that as obviously you are not dealing with 2 Nobel Peace Prize winners. lol

Good Luck, and let us know how everything goes.
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Last edited by Space Ritual; 8th February 2017 at 12:41 AM.. Reason: Spelling...what else? lol
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Old 8th February 2017, 1:01 AM   #13
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my sister is my blood and it would be unforgivable if she did something like that.
Tell her only this.
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Old 8th February 2017, 3:13 AM   #14
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Your ex cheated on you behind your back and then dumped you by ghosting you. Your sister knows this, and is seeing your ex behind your back. Both of them lie to you. Is it possible that one of the women your ex cheated on you with was your sister?
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Old 8th February 2017, 6:53 AM   #15
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It's easy to see how OP might be jealous and feel disrespected... but how much can she really expect to control other people's lives? After several year have passed I don't know that she should feel like she has right of first refusal or anything like that. How far does the expectation extend with her sister? Any guy she's been out with, any she sort of likes, any she's turned down? Should she make a list of all the guys in town who are off limits to her sister?

Ideally the sister would be more respectful of OP's feelings, but if they're competitive rather than cooperative I don't know that OP has much recourse other than to throw a hissy fit, and while it might be amusing it has no power whatsoever.

There are some things you just don't do and messing with your sister ex is one of them. You just don't go there. Blood comes first
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