tito1501 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I am a jealous man, for sure. It has nothing to do with low self-esteem. I know I am a great partner for my girlfriend and that she is happy with me. The way we met and came together is one of a kind story. However, since we moved in together, we are becoming so close and connected to each other that I am feeling more jealous and controlling over this girl. Just as an example: Yesterday she told me she may be late home on Friday because her colleagues and her will celebrate their achievements in the company, in a bar right after work. This was enough for my heart to beat fast and make me annoyed. Of course I didn't say she shouldn't go, I just asked her to keep her phone in case I need to call (I never need to) and to tell me around what time she comes back as we want to go to a carnival party together. I feel as if any new thing coming from her is weird and I have to deal with that. I can imagine that a business trip would be something that would make me feel bad big time! I know I am wrong and to be honest, apart from her normal work stuff, I am mot supportive at all when she wants to socialize at work or go to a happy hour. On top of that, it gets me out of my mind when she doesn't answer her phone when I want to know when she is coming home ( I really almost never call) but when I do, it feels like a disaster. I get mad because it she does not say a time when she may arrive, for me it feels like the biggest doubt on earth, Such as: When is she coming home? How could I improve myself in this matter ? I want to be a better person for my girlfriend and for myself. Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and anxiety over an anticipated loss or status of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. This is coming from a person that was married to a narcissistic jealous person for many years. You ask how to improve yourself. To be direct, get over yourself. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Precious time is wasted worrying, being angry and ruining the partnership experience for all that's involved. Be fun to live with, not a job to live with. If you can't work through your own issues yourself go see a counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 If there's no reasonable cause for it in the current relationship then sometimes it comes from the past and anything that hints of the possibility of abandonment brings on an overreaction because it triggers that prior loss. Maybe even from childhood, for example if your parents got divorced. Fear of abandonment is a basic, primal fear that's very real to children because in nature, if their parent leaves them they will die. When it seems like too much for the situation, think back through time. For what that's worth, anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
Zoe5.5 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I am a jealous man, for sure. It has nothing to do with low self-esteem. I know I am a great partner for my girlfriend and that she is happy with me. The way we met and came together is one of a kind story. However, since we moved in together, we are becoming so close and connected to each other that I am feeling more jealous and controlling over this girl. Just as an example: Yesterday she told me she may be late home on Friday because her colleagues and her will celebrate their achievements in the company, in a bar right after work. This was enough for my heart to beat fast and make me annoyed. Of course I didn't say she shouldn't go, I just asked her to keep her phone in case I need to call (I never need to) and to tell me around what time she comes back as we want to go to a carnival party together. I feel as if any new thing coming from her is weird and I have to deal with that. I can imagine that a business trip would be something that would make me feel bad big time! I know I am wrong and to be honest, apart from her normal work stuff, I am mot supportive at all when she wants to socialize at work or go to a happy hour. On top of that, it gets me out of my mind when she doesn't answer her phone when I want to know when she is coming home ( I really almost never call) but when I do, it feels like a disaster. I get mad because it she does not say a time when she may arrive, for me it feels like the biggest doubt on earth, Such as: When is she coming home? How could I improve myself in this matter ? I want to be a better person for my girlfriend and for myself. Thanks in advance Hello , I have been there with my wife. I learned it too led to problems. Would you like to know what we learned? Simply : A Communication Issue. We ( especially myself ) did not know how to communicate feelings and would bottle them up, which led to a matter of loosing trust in the marriage. I can say that sometimes a counseling session with an outsider of a trusted counselor helps. We did that , I started learning to open up, she did the same on her end , and now after many months of rebuilding the marriage , we are moving forward and we are happier than we've ever been in our marriage and Trust also has been restored . Just sharing what worked for us . Try also getting a book entitled the 5 love languages and discover what they are if you do not know what they are already. Every little bit helps. Like a savings account , it is what you deposit into it , that will show you what you are allowed to withdraw out of the account . Thank you and have a beautiful Day . Link to post Share on other sites
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