DNJ Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I were in a rough patch. Our communication had gotten stale, and we were not really expressing emotion for each other (probably both related). Unfortunately, during this time, she decided to meet up with someone she had met online. According to her, they had a couple of dates and kissed. We have moved past a lot of it, and I have decided – at least for now – to just believe her. Believe that she’s being truthful with me, and that the extent of her cheating was limited to kissing one individual on multiple occasions. Even with all this in motion, with all of the wonderful things she has done to help us, and with our moving forward in a lot of ways, I’m still having great difficulty with one thing: I cannot bring myself to kiss her. We will lightly kiss, but not really Kiss. Next to sexual intimacies, kissing was the most intense, special and loving thing we shared… that I have ever shared with anyone ever, actually. We would look forward to it when we were apart, and when we were together we couldn’t get enough of it. That all died the moment she took that incredibly intimate and special piece of us that we perfected (with each other), and shared it with a random internet scoundrel. She took something that was so immensely centric and important to us, and gave it away like it meant nothing. As I said, we had reached a rough spot, but we were still together, I loved her, and was envisioning and working toward a life together. In contrast, this other guy just wanted to get into the pants of another pretty face. He was some loser internet player who had 260+ online ‘friends’, virtually all of them local, female and single. Once my girlfriend was gone, he picked right up chatting away on his page with other potential targets. Our kisses meant the world to me. Now they mean nothing, and I want that to change. I know it breaks her heart that I have not moved past this yet, and I hate knowing that. I would love to hear from people who have been on either side of this situation. – If you cheated, what did you do to help restore your partner’s desire for the intimate and special feelings that were lost? – If you were cheated on, what helped to restore your wanting to share moments like the above with your partner? What did it take for you to kiss them and again feel closeness, Love, and happiness, as opposed to emptiness over what was stolen, disgust for what happened, and repulsion for how low they allowed their self to sink? Kissing feels hollow now. I want to feel like I’m kissing the Love of my life again. – DNJ Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Now this is just a question: what if you found out sometime down the road that your GF did more than just kiss (because let's be honest, players don't come over several times just to kiss)? If you two were married I'd say see a marriage counselor and sex therapist, but since she's betrayed your trust long before it came to that already - and rough patches in marriage will be harder than in "just" relationships - I doubt there's much you can do other than hope your trust won't be mistreated again. If not, your relationship will deteriorate over time on its own. May I ask, how old are you two? Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I don't understand your guilt because you aren't over it yet. Why do you feel bad that she feels pain because she cheated on you? You need to find a way to work on forgiving her and getting over what she did, and not put focus on holding her hand and assuaging her guilt. She did something to you, and I hope she's not giving you a guilty conscious because you're not over it yet. I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with the other poster as far as something more than kissing probably happened with this player that she went on a few dates with. Did she admit to it, or was she caught? Something she did to another that you felt held special intimacy between the two of you - you're going to need longer than a couple of months to move past it and forgive - if you can move past it. It's good to see that she's trying to work on it, but healing comes with time as well as effort. And it's fine if you forgive her, but she's got to forgive herself too. Coming from someone who had been cheated on, I can forgive that but not enough to resume a relationship. I tried to swallow that feeling and move forward in the relationship. However, I never trusted him again. We moved in together, even got engaged. Yet, every time he became good friends with another woman, I couldn't trust the relationship. If you are invested in fixing this relationship, then realize that it will take time. Don't feel guilty because she's upset over what she did. You didn't make the choice to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 incredibly intimate and special piece of us Kissing was just a totem of what you felt of the relationship as a whole. For you you may not have been communicating well but she was still your girl, you never lost that love. For her, the minute she started to cheat she started to detach. So she might have just kissed who knows, the problem is the minute things got tough... she decided to met the guy she had been talking to all the while probably she had met a bunch of guys online And they did what she did She's moved on because she had her fun now gets to get back to the reality of your relationship But you haven't moved on and there's a reason, because it might have been a dealbreaker. If you're not feeling it, then let her go Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 This special kissing with her you had, is dead. You can't restore it. It will never be the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Maybe there is no getting this back , you might not be able to get over it .What has she done to help you move past it.Maybe you just dont enjoy been with her anymore . Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Question - why do people start more than one identical thread? This same discussion is going on in another thread already, authored by the same OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 She may be the love of your life, but you realize if you were the love of her life she would not of been meeting other dudes she met online for dates, right? Women in relationships with the "love of their life" do not go on dates with other men and cheat in their partners. They'd rather saw their own arm off then do so. Your question shouldn't be about how to get back the passion in your kissing, it should be about how to separate yourself from this individual. Link to post Share on other sites
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