Can't get him out of my head...

[EngagedandConfused]

So, my fiancee and I have been together for just over 4 years and we are getting married in August. I'm absolutely 110% happy in the relationship and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her.

 

However, just over a week ago I was out at a nightclub and started dancing with one of my guy friends....long story short, it got a little out of hand, we were both definitely pretty turned on and touching each other in places we really shouldn't have been.

 

I feel terribly guilty about this, but at the end of the day if that was all there was too it I know I would tell my fiancee and she would forgive me and that would be the end of it. The problem is, ever since then I can't stop thinking about him. I catch myself daydreaming about him all the time, I can't get him out of my head. I saw him a couple of days ago and, even though he seems oblivious, I feel like for me everything has changed.

 

I just want to forget about him and go back to normal, and be happy with the girl that I love. How do I do that? I'm so confused.

 

(I know people will be wondering, so I'll just say - I'm female)

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you're not ready to make a lifelong commitment. It's not unusual for people to be attracted to others, but you didn't enforce the right boundaries and it's opened a bit of Pandora's box. I think you need to ask yourself why you touched him that way, and allowed him to do the same to you.

 

How's your relationship been? In my experience, people who are 110% happy generally don't allow themselves to get into situations where their beaviour could be labeled as inappropriate. And yes, I've been in your shoes too. I once allowed the same thing to happen while in a relationship, and I had some seriously hard questions (for myself) to deal with in facing what I'd done.

 

I'm curious - how do you know your fiancee would be so willing to overlook this and move on?

[evanescentworld]

I have a friend who states she is absolutely 100% lesbian - yet she has had 3 flings with guys, because she was undeniably and inexplicably turned on by them.

 

Each 'fling' lasted less than a week.

Now, I wouldn't ever like to say or state I consider her to be bisexual - she knows herself better than I do. But these guys (if you'll pardon the pun) definitely 'touched a nerve'.

 

I guess perhaps there may be some deep-seated desire to have sex with a guy and the situation arose.

 

but I do agree with Expat - I don't believe you should consider a life-long commitment and one-on-one relationship if this situation is not resolved satisfactorily....and only you can know what that resolution is.

 

You have some thinking to do......

[EngagedandConfused]

ExpatInItaly - we are both pretty trusting (and pretty flirty) people and she knows that I dance somewhat inappropriately with people all the time, and I know that she does. We have even been known to do it in front of each other! I know it's unusual but it works for us. I know from previous experience that if I told her I had gotten carried away while drunk and gotten a bit handsy but it definitely didn't mean anything, she would be ok with it - especially as she trusts that when these things do happen I always tell her.

 

It is the fact I can't look her in the eye and honestly tell her it didn't mean anything that changes the situation. And you're right, I've got some very difficult questions to face.

 

I feel like something as silly and trivial as a drunken dance has turned my whole life upside down.

[EngagedandConfused]

and evanescentworld, unlike your friend I have never claimed to be 100% lesbian - but when you fall in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, you are not supposed to still want to have sex with other people, are you?!