ItalianChick6422 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 [color=black][/color] ok me and my boyfriend split about a week ago and he asked me yesterday if i wanted to be friends with benefits. i said yes cause i still have feelings for him and he told me he still had feelings for me. so do you think that if this whole fwb thing works, will get back together? was it a good idea to say yes to the whole fwb thing? Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 FWB will not lead you anywhere. You'll never experience the joy of comittment to or from anyone including your FWB. With that becoming your pattern of life you will eventually fail to lead a stable family life when you finally get married. marriage is nothing less than a life committment. Just think about it. Your FWB just wants to keep you without giving you a chance to grow away from him through looking for someone else who is ready to commit himself exclusively for you and treat you with dignity and respect for your entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 was it a good idea to say yes to the whole fwb thing? No. You still have feelings for him - then you are not his friend. Even if you didn't I don't think sex & friends mix very well. FWB's means that what he really wants is hassle free sex on demand. If you're not committed to each other then you are both single, meaning of course that he can "do" you & play around when he feels like it. Is that what you want? Link to post Share on other sites
oldandie1950 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by ItalianChick6422 [color=black][/color] ok me and my boyfriend split about a week ago and he asked me yesterday if i wanted to be friends with benefits. i said yes cause i still have feelings for him and he told me he still had feelings for me. so do you think that if this whole fwb thing works, will get back together? was it a good idea to say yes to the whole fwb thing? Questions? If you saw him having sex with someone else, how would you feel. What do you think his response would be if he saw you having sex with another man or woman. Do you want an exclusive relationship with this man or do you have other sex friends. If you can answer these questions for yourself then maybe you can see the situation clearer. This is a regular scenario people find themselves in and they always find the answer for them Good Luck? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 The deal he's left on the table for you sounds pretty cut and dry to me. "Free sex on demand without all the hassle and emotional attachments." In the end, what you get is half the relationship you use to have, and the only benefactor would be him. However, if "sex" is all you're interested in too, than that would be fine. But as a woman, you'd be able to get that from any guy…probably even from a new partner who'd be willing to offer you more. Personally, I wouldn't accept this new proposal if I was hanging onto any hope that it would evolve back into something more. Don't go reading between the lines. You may end up hurt and disappointed in the end when you realize you got only what you signed up for and nothing more. Hold out for all or nothing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItalianChick6422 Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 ok well when we were dating, we had sex already, and he says he likes no one else and i see him in school alot and i dont really see him talking with other girls, and i mean, he still treats me like a gf, but he said he just didnt wanna go out with me because he liked to hang out with his friends and he didnt wanna have to worry about seeing me every so often, and i never thought friends with benefits means that you guys can have sex i just thought it ment you guys could do stuff together like kissing, hugging, cuddling, you know all that stuff Link to post Share on other sites
oldandie1950 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by ItalianChick6422 ok well when we were dating, we had sex already, and he says he likes no one else and i see him in school alot and i dont really see him talking with other girls, and i mean, he still treats me like a gf, but he said he just didnt wanna go out with me because he liked to hang out with his friends and he didnt wanna have to worry about seeing me every so often, and i never thought friends with benefits means that you guys can have sex i just thought it ment you guys could do stuff together like kissing, hugging, cuddling, you know all that stuff What you have said would indicate to me that your idea of FWB and what most poeple understand, is different. If kissing,hugging, cuddling is what you want from your situation then tell this guy and leave it to him for a few days. If he is interested, he will let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
sunseed Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 It's understandable that you're confused and still have feelings for him since you've broken up so recently. It's equally understandable that he isn't trying to move on if he still has feelings for you. It seems that he wants to hang on to the physical comforts that post-breakup FWB provides. This too is understandable, but it's not smart--whether you cuddle, kiss or have sex. The problem with this arrangement is that it will slow the process of getting over the relationship for both of you. As painful as it is, space is the only thing that can make that happen, and make the feelings you have for each other fade away. If you don't want your feelings to go away, ask yourself if you want to be broken up. In my experience the only way that FWB works without any pain at all is when there is no history but shallow attraction, emotions of attachment don't form, and you won't be seeing the person again for a while. If you already have attachment to this guy (and you've clearly said you do), FWB will only leave you both feeling hurt when one of you decides to move on at last. If you broke up, then at least one of you wants to move on. If you're serious about doing that, FWB will only slow you down. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 he didnt wanna have to worry about seeing me every so often He sounds like a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItalianChick6422 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 a lot of people say hes a jerk but i can't help it, i still really like him, but just last night, i was talking with him on the phone and now he tells me he likes someone else now and doesnt really like me anymore, and the girl he likes is older and i feel i will never have another chance with him, i can't get over him, i think its because we had sex together, i also need help on how to get over this, i've been so depressed for about a week now, and i can't get over him, i think i need to get over him more then i want to get back with him, i need your guy opinions Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Originally posted by ItalianChick6422 i've been so depressed for about a week now, and i can't get over him, i think i need to get over him more then i want to get back with him, i need your guy opinions It has been a week, it takes a bit longer than that to get over a relationship, especially when it has intimacy involved. Give it more time and you will realize you ar better off without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Yeah, a week is no time to get over someone. If he still wants to be fwb, please tell him no. I'm speaking from experience when I say that all it will bring you is pain. There's nothing good about being fwb, especially if you're doing it in hopes of getting back together with him. It would actually probably lead to you guys not getting back together because he gets everything a guy wants from a gf but without the commitement, thoughtfulness, lovey-dovey stuff, etc. I did the fwb thing when me and my bf broke up and after a month I stopped because I couldn't take it anymore. So I just left him alone and did my own thing and two months later he came back and asked for a second chance. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Unless the one who is in the FWB decides on her own to get out of the relationship and started to draw her own road map there is no one or anything else could help. Like any other abusive relationship it is always the abused who should decide to get out and run away. That will only happen when the sugar or honey on the surface (service) layer is over and the real bitter taste takes over. It takes time , sharp (live) senses and strong will. What a very hard combination for any abused partner!!!!!??????. I'm not ruling out the needed external support. It is indeed essential but let's make no mistake about it: IT IS ONLY AN ADD-ON. Link to post Share on other sites
utwonderwoman Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Do you honestly think that you are worth being a free sex ride? He is just using you for sex until someone that means something to him comes along. And it will happen. How do you think that you will feel when that day comes and he says see ya met someone else, thanks for putting out until then? Girl, you are better than this! Do not even put up with this crap. Have some respect for yourself and your body. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I agree...demand all or nothing. You deserve it all! Link to post Share on other sites
corrina23 Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 So he's still gonna have sex with you knowing you have feelings for him and you think your gonna get back together. what are you going to do when he find's someone else and say's to you we have to stop sleeping together because i love this other person and were in a relationship together...that happened to my friend she thought because they were sleeping together that they would get back together, then he told her they would have to stop having sex as he had met someone else.she just went to pieces. corrina xx Link to post Share on other sites
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