heartonfire10 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Does anyone think its possible to be close friends with an ex? I'm talking either gender. If 2 people had a serious long term relationship, broke up and are dating other people and are in committed relationships with the new people, and one of the new partners is uncomfortable with the friendship? There's no children involved nor is anyone married or has been married. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Deal-breaker for me. I just wouldn't want to deal with it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Possible, sure. Do I think it's a good idea? Heck no. Would I be extremely leery of a relationship like that? You bet! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Thicke2013 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Friends as in when you see them you say hello and exchange pleasantries yes. As in good friends that go out to dinner together and hang out a lot. No. Just my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Friends in general, as in just say hi on the street occasionally when you see them, sure.. To me, those are acquaintances but that may just be a technical vocabulary distinction. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Dealbreaker, red flag, no go... whatever you want to call it. Everything negative. I'd be gone faster than Bart Simpson after the final ringing of the school bell. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 I promise there's no need to be friends with an ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 No, it's bad news in the making. All the time we see "S/he went back with the ex, what now?" Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 It depends, I still keep in contact with an ex I lived with for a number of years. Not as in going out and doing things, but emailing occasionally. I haven't seen her in person in over 6 mos. Still, we consider each other friends. Neither one of us, especially me, has any interest in re-kindling something long long dead. Hell, it was dead long before I moved out! Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Does anyone think its possible to be close friends with an ex? I'm talking either gender. If 2 people had a serious long term relationship, broke up and are dating other people and are in committed relationships with the new people, and one of the new partners is uncomfortable with the friendship? There's no children involved nor is anyone married or has been married. Lots of things are possible, but the question is..is it a good idea to do that if you are in a committed relationship? That is like playing with fire. Especially if you were in a serious relationship with this "friend"? That would undoubtedly mean the two would of slept together many times in the past, and if you want to still keep this person in your life while you are dating someone then I would suggest maybe deep down you don't want to be dating that person..since that is a sure fire way to sabotage a relationship. A friendship between a man and a woman can be complicated, and that goes up by about 1,000 if the two have in the past been sexual and all that. I think if having an ex if your life is more important to you then your current partner then you shouldn't be in a relationship. This is why I say people should not date their good friends..because if you break up you cannot expect to keep this friend if you ever begin dating someone else. So for me it would be a warning sign if a person I was with wanted their ex in their life that badly. Sort of how whenever I hear a woman say "I have only guy friends because I don't get along with other girls", it sends up a huge red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 whenever I hear a woman say "I have only guy friends because I don't get along with other girls", it sends up a huge red flag. I have to agree with this one. I used to hang out with this girl who didn't have "besties". She met her ex when he was dating someone (should have given me a clue..). They broke up, and lord behold, I couldn't believe it when she started hitting on my boyfriend. Dropped her promptly. Last I heard, she is now dating another guy who was in a relationship with somebody else when they met. I only have girlfriends. I find that's the way it should be. Not like I don't know any men, but they're acquaintances, and we never hang out one on one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartonfire10 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Do you think if you have to say "choose me, or your ex (as friend)", is there any coming back from that? If someone doesn't think it's a good idea to cut ties even though they acknowledge to other people outside relationship it's a problem, is the decision already made? That the ex is more important than the present relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Do you think if you have to say "choose me, or your ex (as friend)", is there any coming back from that? If someone doesn't think it's a good idea to cut ties even though they acknowledge to other people outside relationship it's a problem, is the decision already made? That the ex is more important than the present relationship? If you get to the point where you have to ask, it's already over. What you are proposing is an ultimatum and people get REALLY defensive about those. If they choose you, they'll resent you for making them commit to that decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartonfire10 Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 If being together for almost 2 years doesn't make someone want to sever ties completely with the ex, because it causes upheaval within the relationship, then it most likely never will go away...and the ex always wins out? And the significant other just has to accept it or leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 No, you win, by leaving those two to their own vicious cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I have to agree with this one. I used to hang out with this girl who didn't have "besties". She met her ex when he was dating someone (should have given me a clue..). They broke up, and lord behold, I couldn't believe it when she started hitting on my boyfriend. Dropped her promptly. Last I heard, she is now dating another guy who was in a relationship with somebody else when they met. I only have girlfriends. I find that's the way it should be. Not like I don't know any men, but they're acquaintances, and we never hang out one on one. Yep, it is my experience when a woman says "I don't get along with girls, only guys" she is essentially telling you "I am most likely going to cheat on you with one of my guy friends". It's also funny because 99% of the time when I see a woman say that..low and behold it turns out she f*cked one of these "friends" in the past. Plus what does it say about a person who can't get along with their own gender? That says "drama queen" and "attention whore" to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 I have mixed feelings on this. Is it possible? Sure, but it's not a good idea. Even if it was just friends with benefits. Here is why, they both have a history and it is easy for that history to create drama. It's almost like being a recovered meth addict and being friends with a meth dealer. You can only stay clean for so long. Even if they are truly over. There is a lot of potential for the friendship to cross boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Here is my biggest issue with this topic. If ex'es remain friends, it's because of one of two things. They either mutually agreed they were not good for each other or the dumper chose to remain friends with the dumpee. If the dumper changes their mind... Once you've have made the relationship (friendship what ever) sexual. It is not friendship and never will be friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Yep, it is my experience when a woman says "I don't get along with girls, only guys" she is essentially telling you "I am most likely going to cheat on you with one of my guy friends". It's also funny because 99% of the time when I see a woman say that..low and behold it turns out she f*cked one of these "friends" in the past. Plus what does it say about a person who can't get along with their own gender? That says "drama queen" and "attention whore" to me. I can get a long with the same gender but I chose not to associate with many men. Nearly all of my male friends, have run off with or slept with a woman I was dating behind my back. So I simply quit hanging around them. One "friend" did it 3 times. Nearly all of my friends are female. I've never had sex with any of them, I'll never have sex with any of them. They are truly like sisters to me. I've gone to some of their bachelorette parties and so on. No I'm not gay/bi or remotely close to it. I just simply prefer hanging out with women. But I do have a few (2) male friends. But I also only have a few female friends (4) and they truly are friends. I realize that opposite sex friendship can be intimidating to women I date. So I make it very clear to them, that I understand boundaries. I'm willing to do what it takes to make you comfortable with the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 I can get a long with the same gender but I chose not to associate with many men. Nearly all of my male friends, have run off with or slept with a woman I was dating behind my back. So I simply quit hanging around them. One "friend" did it 3 times. Nearly all of my friends are female. I've never had sex with any of them, I'll never have sex with any of them. They are truly like sisters to me. I've gone to some of their bachelorette parties and so on. No I'm not gay/bi or remotely close to it. I just simply prefer hanging out with women. But I do have a few (2) male friends. But I also only have a few female friends (4) and they truly are friends. I realize that opposite sex friendship can be intimidating to women I date. So I make it very clear to them, that I understand boundaries. I'm willing to do what it takes to make you comfortable with the friendship. But dude that means you just had sh*tty friends it says nothing about male friends in general. Not all guys have their friends steal their gf's. Most do not. See, I have to admit a story like yours, but from a female..would worry me. It would tell me instead of just picking better female friends she would rather just go hang out with dudes. To me, it would be a red flag. Though you say for women you date you are willing to do whatever makes them comfortable with your female friendships, but what if the only thing that makes them comfortable is you not having any female friendships? Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) "Sort of how whenever I hear a woman say "I have only guy friends because I don't get along with other girls", it sends up a huge red flag." - SPECTRE Well, dang...I'm that girl. I have brothers, I'm the only girl and they're older too. I grew up with more males than females around. I was a tomboy. I just have always gotten along with guys better. I can literally count on one hand how many female friends I've had. I'm pretty and I'm one of the guys so girls have always tried to compete with me. I don't like that. I'm not like that, so I don't want to be around people like that. Not fair to automatically think the worst of a girl just because she feels more comfortable and has more guy friends than girl friends. In my case, I have found that most girls are full of drama and are high maintenance so ya, I prefer to be around guys. For sure. Though they can be just as dramafied but at least they tend to let things go quicker, are usually more fun and a lot more easy going. (straight guys anyway LOL) Edited October 6, 2014 by me85 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) "Sort of how whenever I hear a woman say "I have only guy friends because I don't get along with other girls", it sends up a huge red flag." - SPECTRE Well, dang...I'm that girl. I have brothers, I'm the only girl and they're older too. I grew up with more males than females around. I was a tomboy. I just have always gotten along with guys better. I can literally count on one hand how many female friends I've had. I'm pretty and I'm one of the guys so girls have always tried to compete with me. I don't like that. I'm not like that, so I don't want to be around people like that. Not fair to automatically think the worst of a girl just because she feels more comfortable and has more guy friends than girl friends. In my case, I have found that most girls are full of drama and are high maintenance so ya, I prefer to be around guys. For sure. Though they can be just as dramafied but at least they tend to let things go quicker, are usually more fun and a lot more easy going. (straight guys anyway LOL) See though, but you saying things like "I am pretty and one of the guys and girls always try to compete" just would send up red flags to me. You are essentially saying "I am so hot that girls get jealous of me, so that is why I have to have a bunch of male friends". Girls are full of drama? Okay, but guys can be too, especially drama created if you start dating someone who has a problem with all these dudes you hang around with. Again, saying "guys are a lot more fun" would send up red flags to me. I'd be asking "why can't you have fun with girls" and "what does it say that you feel you CAN'T have fun with girls and only can have fun with guys who most likely would jump at the chance of sleeping with you if given the chance". I hate to break this to you, but if you are hot? Every single one of your guy friends wants to f*ck you, period. I'm not saying I would automatically think the worst of you, but I could definitely never ever date someone like you unless you were willing to cut these dudes out of your life. You say girls are full of drama, but a situation like this is just begging for drama. Hot girl who claims most women try to compete with her and thus she can only "have fun" with dudes? Yeah..you can see why any guy interested in you romantically might see all sorts of red flags, right? You also say women are high maintenance, but it's not like you are dating these girls. Though maybe I should rephrase what I said..maybe the girls who say "I get along with guys more" aren't red flags in and of themselves. It would just be the ones who refuse to see why a guy they are dating would have a problem with this and want these guys out of her life. I suppose the red flag would be if you still "would rather be around guys" if you are dating someone. Edited October 6, 2014 by Spectre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) My situation is a lot different than other girls too. When I moved from home and I started getting into serious RSs I mostly just hung out with my bf and all his friends and family which was perfectly fine with me, as I had moved from home and lost touch with the majority of my friends. Yes, most of the guys around me did have a thing for me. Including my own guy friends and the guy friends of my boyfriend. So it wasn't my guy friends my boyfriend had to worry about because I lost touch with those guys and never saw or heard from them anymore. It was the guy friends of my boyfriend's. When I'm in a RS, out of respect for my bf, I don't hang around guys. And yes, it did suck that my guy friends all wanted/want to date me because I just wanted/want to be friends. I have lost and continue to lose friendships because of that. Now I just want one best female friend and that's it! But she can't be a girly girl and has to be awesome and play video games with me. lol And I'm sorry, but girls do get jealous of other girls. I know...I'm a girl. Especially of other pretty girls. It sucks having a guy friend who's SO doesn't really like or trust you for no other reason than having known and been friends with their boyfriends/husbands before them and to boot, for also being attractive. That's not to brag or be conceded. Ya, sure, guys can be jealous and dramatic too and I've known them to be but not as often as girls are. Edited October 6, 2014 by me85 Link to post Share on other sites
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