batgirl Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I had been dating a guy for about two months. Things were going really well. We got along great, we were spending a lot of time together and recently I had started staying at his house on the weekends. About a week ago I got a Facebook message from a woman I didn't know, had no mutual friends with, and had never seen before warning me to stay away from her home and husband. After a fair amount of internet searching I figure out my boyfriend is married, and quite recently. I called him to end it immediately, he confessed to me that he is married but that his wife travels a lot. we haven't had contact since. I have no desire to ever speak to him again. He's still trying to get in touch with me but I continue to ignore him. There was nothing going on that would have led me to believe he was married. No photos on Facebook, nothing at his house (no women's clothing or accessories, no photos, not even a stray tampon) nothing said by his friends. We spoke and texted at all hours on most days, spent random nights at his house, including weekends, and went out together all the time in his town. The big issue now is his wife. I truly didn't know he was married, ended it when I found out but she is blaming me for her husband's infidelity. She knows my address, phone, email, etc. She knows where I work. She is constantly showing up at my house screaming at and threatening me. I'm considering filing an order of protection against her but I'm confused as to why she's taking all her rage out on me. I apologized, told her I had no idea, and said I never wanted to see or speak to him again. I'm not terribly afraid of her but I do think it is unfair she is taking this out on me. Any advise? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 File a restraining order. You've done all you can and that is the last recourse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Call the police. Do it now. Cease any and all contact with both of them (ie. don't respond to messages) and start documenting every time one of them tries to contact you. He's probably a serial cheater and she's at her wit's end and directing it at the wrong person. This does not give her the right to harass you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Best part is you probably aren't the first woman she harasses. Worst part is that it is you. I'd file that restraining order and keep any voicemails, emails, ANYTHING she has written and send to you. Do NOT answer any phone calls if she does call. Let it go to voicemail and keep those. Obviously, never talk to this guy again. The reason she is taking it out on you is because he told her it was your fault. And they've probably done the song and dance before. It's probably a real twisted relationship, but don't try to understand why she is doing what she is doing... just try to get some resolution to this with a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Hop in your car and drive to the police station. Right now it's just yelling, who knows what it's going to be in a couple weeks. What if she starts harassing you at work? A restraining order will do the trick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Problem is that your ex-boyfriend probably ranted you out, as in you were chasing her all the time. If you get the chance, send her the messages he sent you so she gets a glimpse of reality, and then file a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I agree with No Limit show her all the proof that her husband was chasing you and lying to her. How dare she take this out on you. Why doesn't she call her lawyer and divorce her cheating husband. I would not be able to control myself I'd be so pissed at her. She would need a restraining order against me:mad:. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 The big issue now is his wife. I truly didn't know he was married, ended it when I found out but she is blaming me for her husband's infidelity. She knows my address, phone, email, etc. She knows where I work. She is constantly showing up at my house screaming at and threatening me. Any advise? No wonder he is cheating. Just kidding. There is no excuse for cheating but there's no excuse for her behavior either. I would try once to get her to listen to you. If she shows up again, scream, & I mean literally scream at the top of your lungs: I broke up with the bastard. Then make some soothing hand gestures to get her to calm down. Say to her that you didn't know he was married. Thank her for telling you & assure her that you ended it. Then tell her to stop coming by your house & work & to go off & protect herself from her no go STBXH. If that doesn't work definitely take out the order of of protection. I may also make one call to the cad to tell him to make her back off. An EX of mine was separated & in the process of divorce when we were dating. His wife showed up at my house & screamed once. It was ridiculous because she'd been living with the guy she cheated on her husband with for all most four years by the time I entered the picture. Anyway, after the 2nd time since I knew who her divorce lawyer was I called that person & got him to make her stop bothering me. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What you should do is get in touch with HIM and tell him to get a handle on his bat s hit crazy wife or you will call the police and make a public spectacle about the affair.....meaning you will tell in detail to HIS wife/ family what happened. I assure you it will be stopped promptly. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I agree with No Limit show her all the proof that her husband was chasing you and lying to her. How dare she take this out on you. Why doesn't she call her lawyer and divorce her cheating husband. I would not be able to control myself I'd be so pissed at her. She would need a restraining order against me:mad:. And how dare his friends play along with this! What kind of friends does he have?? Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 So are they not living together? Why not? This story doesn't really make sense, if you were randomly overnight at his house, including weekends, and there were zero signs of her there (not even clothes). Does he have a second, private house? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 So are they not living together? Why not? This story doesn't really make sense, if you were randomly overnight at his house, including weekends, and there were zero signs of her there (not even clothes). Does he have a second, private house? That's what I was thinking ! It would take me MONTHS to erase all signs of my husband from our house ! Whatever the case may be, totally document everything and call the cops the next time she shows up. Unfortunately I've had to get a couple of restraining orders and while they don't protect you from bullets, the cops WILL take the B*tch to jail if she violates it ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author batgirl Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) Thanks everyone for the great advise. To answer a few questions: I have no idea how the house was devoid of anything belonging to her or what their living situation was like. I also find it hard believe that, in hindsight, nothing was there. I didn't snoop or check every nook and cranny but I used space in the closet for work clothes if I knew I would be leaving from there to go to work and he even gave me a drawer, which I never used. She must have had another residence with all of her stuff but I have no idea the circumstances. I did find out she travels extensively and while I don't remember if I ever initiated sleepovers at his house, I'm sure he was manipulating things to ensure she was out of town when I was there and he was at my house when she was in town. Two or three nights over the whole relationship. His friends are mostly scum, I'm assuming, except for one that I called earlier this week. He was a newer friend from his job and claims he had no idea he was married. He'd mentioned a breaking up with a girlfriend about six months ago but that was all he could remember. His longtime friends must have known but, at this point, it really doesn't matter. If they knew, that's super slimey. I tried once more to present her with evidence that he pursued me (various texts, emails, etc.) and that I'd broken up with him after finding out to no avail. She said she didn't believe me and that he would never do something like that to her. She's clearly in denial or completely delusional. So, I emailed copies of everything I had to her (to the email she used to harass me with) and haven't seen an email since. I talked to someone at the police station on Sunday and after telling the story and playing a few voicemails I had saved they suggested a restraining order. I believe it was served on Monday and have not heard from or seen her since. I keep going over and over everything trying to find one thing that should have raised a red flag but I can't. No part of his house or life were off limits to me. He would routinely leave his phone and computer completely open for me to snoop, if I had wanted to. I feel bad because even though she's nuts no one deserves to be cheated on. I'm veer sensitive to infidelity since it ended my first marriage and I would never knowingly become the OW. I hope she leaves him. He's obviously a dirtbag in disguise and likely a master manipulator to boot. Edited October 2, 2014 by batgirl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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