Sirmistermister Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 First off, I don't cheat. However, it's all around me. I've even been cheated on multiple times (not recently though). Even some friends of mine have cheated on their girlfriends. A common reason I hear is that they love both girls or, less often, that they love their girlfriend but just want some outside experience. Now, I feel that if you cheat, you don't love your SO entirely or even at all. Do you agree? Do you feel it's possible to love two people equally? If so, in the same way, or each in a different way? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 First off, I don't cheat. However, it's all around me. I've even been cheated on multiple times (not recently though). Even some friends of mine have cheated on their girlfriends. A common reason I hear is that they love both girls or, less often, that they love their girlfriend but just want some outside experience. Now, I feel that if you cheat, you don't love your SO entirely or even at all. Do you agree? Do you feel it's possible to love two people equally? If so, in the same way, or each in a different way? It's a question of decency and respect. We throw the word live around too easily. It's lost it's value. The hardest thing to be is be honest with yourself and your partner. They want to have other experiences, then why not tell their girlfriends the truth! Because what would happen? They'd be kicked to the curb. So it's essentially BS, they love but they don't respect. So how could it truly be love without respect? It's not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 They just like sex. Have GFs to get it regularly, and cheat to get some more. Immaturity and the inability to be honest to yourself doesn't equal love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Well yes, at the end of the day we can't kid ourselves here: people truly in love do not cheat. They just don't. If you cheat on someone then you are not in love with them. You might of thought you were, but your cheating proves otherwise. If you truly love and respect someone then you should be able to wait until the relationship is over before hopping into bed with someone else. If you need to screw someone so badly that you can't wait until the relationship is over then..that is not love. It is not hard for a guy to keep his pants on, nor is it hard for a woman to keep her legs closed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I think you're confusing "Love" with "Getting sex" I can only count on one hand the amount of women I could be happy with being in relationships with without the need for sex. Lots of guys get in relationships to have sex, and they cheat to get more sex. Why would they lie and cheat? Simple. If they tell their girls they want more sex, they risk losing both more opportunities and what they already got. They'd rather play the field before jumping ship. They'd rather not be alone, and lots of girls seem to LOVE men with options. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I think that oversimplifies things. I know guys who have cheated even though their gf's/wives would sleep with them whenever they wanted. Some people are just selfish and have no respect for others. Sure you will see lots of people claim "I cheated, but I love my partner" but for me..that is sort of like how a long time ago you had a not small amount of people who believed the Earth was flat. The thing is, it doesn't matter if one thousand or one million people told themselves the Earth was flat, the reality is that it is not. I see this the same way, you can lie to yourself and tell yourself that all you want, but it won't negate what your actual actions tell people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 The short answer is that a person cannot love someone and cheat on them. The longer answer is that love means different things to different people. To a cheater love might have more to do with fondness and compatibility and less about trust, commitment, and respect. Without real commitment a person can weasel their way into bed with someone else by telling themselves how their spouse takes them for granted or some such nonsense. I don't believe a cheater can change their personal view of "love". That means they are a short distance from doing it again. Its who they are and they can't "fix" it. The cheater destroys trust and damages their partners self esteem to such an extent that I don't believe the marriage should go on after infidelity. Its just not worth the pain to try and make it work with a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 The short answer is that a person cannot love someone and cheat on them. The longer answer is that love means different things to different people. To a cheater love might have more to do with fondness and compatibility and less about trust, commitment, and respect. Without real commitment a person can weasel their way into bed with someone else by telling themselves how their spouse takes them for granted or some such nonsense. I don't believe a cheater can change their personal view of "love". That means they are a short distance from doing it again. Its who they are and they can't "fix" it. The cheater destroys trust and damages their partners self esteem to such an extent that I don't believe the marriage should go on after infidelity. Its just not worth the pain to try and make it work with a cheater. Here is the problem with this whole "definitions of love" thing. Someone thinking love is merely just fondness and being compatible? That isn't that person having different views on love..that is that person merely not knowing what love actually means. Seriously, unless there is talk about how cheating is okay most people know cheating is not a sign of love, they do it anyways. So for me, you saying a person has "different views on love" is to me..like me saying I feel 2+2 does not equal 4, but 5..and instead of you saying "gee, you just don't know math" you just say "well, you just have a different interpretation of math!". Don't get me wrong there are people out there in love who have open relationships and are fine with it, but that is because both people KNOW about it. See, they recognize that part of love is open communication, trust, etc. and you achieve that by not cheating or lying. That is something WAY different then a merely selfish person cheating. I think these people know deep down what their actions signify, but they just brainwash themselves otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 If you love someone, you would never do anything that you know would hurt them. Everyone knows that cheating hurts people. If you cheat on someone you are knowingly and deliberately hurting the person you claim to love. Therefore you do not love them. QED. Link to post Share on other sites
Discjockey80 Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 A lot of this gets clouded because, as Spectre said, the idea and concept of love and what it really means is misunderstood. Love is pure selflessness at its core. It has many facets but the core of it is that it is long suffering and honest. Its self sacrificial. Love is a choice and an act. The 'feeling' of love is confused with infatuation, lust, romance, kinship, etc. The 'feeling' is not permanent and is not a legitimate indicator of actual Love. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 (edited) No on is confused about this, everybody knows what love means. To them. People are different and their values and character are shaped by their unique experiences. To some people sex is sacred and to others it is just a physical act. Some loving couples take separate vacations while others seem to be joined at the hip. Your definition of love applies only to you, which is why you work to get all of the rules & boundaries straight with your partner. Once you agree on those rules you feel secure in your love for your partner. The problem comes in when your partner sees the rules as mere guidelines and their boundaries are weak. This opens them up to more opportunities to cheat. Since they simply aren't as committed to the relationship as their partner it is inevitable that they will give in and cheat. Very likely the cheater will swear that they love their partner because they have the same feelings for them as they did before they cheated. And they defined that feeling as "love" so - nothing's changed, right? They don't understand that their partner has a stronger, deeper definition of love and what they have done has killed it. What makes this situation even worse is when the BS believes the WS about their "love" and tries to reconcile. The deep love the BS felt has been snuffed out forever but they want desperately to get it back and end up wasting precious time and tears on a lost cause. For me, it is not possible to cheat on someone you love. The boundaries are too strong, the respect is too deep, and the compassion to great. But that's just me and your mileage may vary. The best course here is to know yourself and communicate to your partner about what love is to you. Then don't marry someone who isn't in sync with your views on life, love, character, or cheating. Edited October 4, 2014 by drifter777 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Justaguy30 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Everyone finds people attractive but if you love someone the feeling you have together while having sex is so much better than with someone you don't love. Real love means respecting the other person and if you want to have sex with other people you are not in love and are just confused as to what love is. Link to post Share on other sites
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