Edward32m Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Hello all, I've been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend/partner for 9 years. Recently I've begun to get upset over the fact that she chats with and texts my brother on a daily basis. I'm pretty confident that their conversations are platonic in nature, but it still bothers me. Yesterday this really came to a head for me while my GF and I were in a minor spat. We weren't really in a huge fight or anything, but she wasn't speaking to me when this occurred. When I looked over to see that she was chatting with my brother on her cell phone, I grew much more upset. The same thing happened today, and I had to get up and leave the restaurant we were in. I haven't really addressed the situation yet, and she doesn't know why I'm mad, but it's not something I think I can really let go. So... maybe I'm being stupid, but in any case, I don't really like the daily chats with my brother. I think that if I were chatting with another woman as frequently, it would bother her. I haven't admitted why I'm mad yet because I don't want to address this in the wrong way and create conflict in my relationship with my brother or with my girlfriend. She wants to know WHY I'm acting angry and I don't know what to say..... So my questions are: 1) Am I being overly jealous and unreasonable? 2) Is it appropriate for her to chat with my brother every day? 3) How/what do I tell her now without being unreasonable? 4) Any other advice would be appreciated. Thank you, Edward Link to post Share on other sites
imfine Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 You're mad at her & haven't told her why? Um ok. Are you mad at your brother? Seems to me if you would directly address both of them, you might actually achieve communication & resolve the issue. P.s. Lots of women like to have a close male friend to confide in besides their SO. Wouldn't your brother be the safest choice for both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Have you ever asked her what it is they're talking about all the time? I think there's a very delicate line between friendliness/familial chats (as she's obviously known him a long time) and too-close-for-comfort. You need to be honest with her about why you're angry. She's sitting in the dark right now with no idea why you're upset. When you're both calm, address it with her. Have there been prior trust issues with either of them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Edward32m Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 There have been no prior trust issues with either of them. The reason I haven't said why I'm upset is because I don't want it to come across as accusatory. I know that I need to address this with her, but I don't want to screw it up. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 You won the lottery, man... After 9 years you should accept that you can't be the only person in her life. She needs other people to talk to, to consult ect... Women need also male friends, not only girlfriends. So in your case it turned to be your brother. your GF has a close male friend which doesn't jeopardize your R because he is your brother. The chances of cheating here are ALMOST ZERO. So, you have your insurance. You couldn't ask for more :-) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I chat with my husband's brother a lot because he's chattier than my husband. If you are sure they are platonic you need to find a way to deal with it but you could ask her to cut back a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
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