hurtandbroken Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 My gf cheated on me a few years back and recently we have been having some difficulty. We are working through it and I have started to see a therapist to help with my insecurities. That being said she deleted the guy from her facebook, but is still friends with him on linkedin. She only recently got a linkedin and thus she would have had to accept/friend him AFTER i had caught her cheating several years ago. Should i confront her about this? Do i have a right to be upset about this or am i nuts? If i am right HOW do i confront her about this without destroying all the progress we have made over the past several weeks? Thank you for your help Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 She only recently got a linkedin and thus she would have had to accept/friend him AFTER i had caught her cheating several years ago. You have a right to be upset about her staying in contact with her affair partner. No contact with an affair partner is suppose to be for life, or until she decides to end the relationship with the person that she cheated on. I think that her reconnecting with her former affair partner, your relationship with her having issues, and her recently asking for space, are all one in the same issue. Her affair partner is back in her life and she is wanting to explore a relationship with him again. Of course following the cheaters script, she has you seeking treatment for your insecurity issues, rather than give you a relationship that you can fell secure in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtandbroken Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks for the reply. We currently have a pretty a good line of communication and I call her out on stuff and she generally responds positively. Any advice on how to approach this constructively without having to give an ultimatum, break up with her, go into no contact etc.? Thanks again for your help and insight. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks for the reply. We currently have a pretty a good line of communication and I call her out on stuff and she generally responds positively. Any advice on how to approach this constructively without having to give an ultimatum, break up with her, go into no contact etc.? Thanks again for your help and insight. No ultimatum? There is no way around it. NC is for life. If she can't go NC with OM then you must go NC witih her. Unless you can put up with her cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Any advice on how to approach this constructively without having to give an ultimatum, break up with her, go into no contact etc.? Why she has no consideration for your boundaries. Why does she deserve anything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 My gf cheated on me a few years back and recently we have been having some difficulty. We are working through it and I have started to see a therapist to help with my insecurities. That being said she deleted the guy from her facebook, but is still friends with him on linkedin. She only recently got a linkedin and thus she would have had to accept/friend him AFTER i had caught her cheating several years ago. Should i confront her about this? Do i have a right to be upset about this or am i nuts? If i am right HOW do i confront her about this without destroying all the progress we have made over the past several weeks? Thank you for your help I really never understand people who work to reconcile after an affair.... if someone is capable to do that to you is not the person you should be living your like with. Linked in or facebook, she should be totally regretting what she did and running from any contact with that guy... she accepted contact with him? That is NOT acceptable. Just dump her and look for someone who has some respect for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Any advice on how to approach this constructively without having to give an ultimatum, break up with her, go into no contact etc.? You cannot nice your way out of a cheater trying to cheat again. She has recently reconnected with someone that she has already cheated with in the past. You need to be angry about this and you need to give her an ultimatum that she cut off all contact with this guy or you will move on. The fact that you are not angry, and would even ask this question to us in this way, is why she feels that it would be safe to cheat on you again with this guy. You must be wiling to leave a relationship for you to have a chance at having a relationship worth having. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtandbroken Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 Thanks for all the replys. I'm going to go with calmly asking her straight up why she would still be contact with him. She is only a family trip right now and doesn't get back until friday, so I suppose I'll just wait until then when i can do it face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 She isn't remorseful, she just pulled another knife on you. Let her know how you feel so she has no doubt. She's a sneaky one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Looks like her cheating has resumed. Why aren't you flaming mad? She shouldn't have ANY communication with him - but obviously it's so important to her that she's willing to risk your relationship! I'd bet money the affair is very active- or about to be. Are you sure her trip is with family? Link to post Share on other sites
MoooOinkBaaa Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Screw that she has got your pants pulled down over a barrel. Link to post Share on other sites
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