LizardNoyce Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Back in October 2012, I had moved out of my boyfriends moms house into my own apartment. I wanted freedom and independence, and plus how lame does it sound when I say I was living with my boyfriend and his mom? Anyway, I was confused at the same time as to where I was going in life and had hoped that this move would help point me in the right direction. Well, it didn't... I ended up going to a wedding with my roommate who I had met through my ex-bestfriend (who was just bad company) and ended up sleeping with a guy I met there. It wasn't planned, I wasn't drunk.. For some reason I just thought it'd be a good idea to lose all my morals for a while and cheat on my boyfriend if 2.5 years. I don't have a specific reason as to why I did it, you never really do. And it hurts my heart that my boyfriend makes all of these assumptions as to why I did it. For example, I don't find him attractive, he bores me, he did something wrong to cause all of this. It didn't take me long to realize I had lost the best thing to ever happen to me. But I was one of the lucky ones because he came back!! He took me back, gave me another chance and I am just ecstatic. I'm always telling myself I don't deserve him which is probably true, but I make sure to show him that I'm worthy of his time am I will mend his heart that ie broken. I don't believe the term, "once a cheater always a cheater" because that's not me at all. I messe up big time, realized my mistake and feel lucky everyday to still have the love of my life by my side. I don't know if he will ever fully trust me again, but I will be there every step of the way showing him that I'm trustworthy. Sometimes I wish he would cheat I me to make things even but he says he would NEVER hurt me which makes it that much harder. How could I have done this to him? What the hell wabi thinking? I'll never know but I'm just glad for this opportunity to move forward because I love him so much. I just want some input on those who have been cheated on, and tell me how you got through it. This would be very helpful for me to mend a broken heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LizardNoyce Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Thanks for you input. I realize what I did was wrong and obviously if I ask strangers for advice I'm going to be judged, whether it's right or wrong. I have done everything I can to show how sincere I am. He has full access to social sites such as twitter and Facebook. He can look through my phone whenever he wants, and if he doesn't want me to hang with certain friends I won't. If this is my consequence for what I did than do be it. He does eat angry and he yells at me from time to time so I just sit and listen. It makes me upset but I should expect it. Isis a bad thing but I know I'm not. Bad person for it. I've learned a lot and so has he. There really is no way to take it back, unfortunately so we can only hope for the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LizardNoyce Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Well, he found out only a few days after it happened, because he was looking through my messages and saw I was talking to him.. He immediately jumped to the right conclusions and so I had to fess up. Which makes it worse because he didn't find out from me.. We were both drunk at the time so it ended horribly. I figured it was best to cut all contact with him. NC for only four days until I texted him back. We talked for a good four hours which I think was part of the foundation for healing.. We continued talking for a while but didn't get back together until about a month later. I respected his space. God knows he deserved it. Now things seem to be going well but I wanna do all I can to make sure he's happy. Btw I cut off all contact with the other guy. Haven't talked to him in 6+ months. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Why didn't you bring your boyfriend to the wedding? Did you get tested for STD's. A huge problem is that: 1. Clearly you had no intention of ever telling your boyfriend. You only told him because you were caught. Why would your boyfriend ever really trust you since he knows that you are not an honest person on multiple levels? 2. You continued to text with this hook-up guy behind your boyfriend's back before your boyfriend caught you. How could your boyfriend not believe that you were setting plans for another hook-up with him again? 3. Please stop saying to your boyfriend that you do not know why you screwed another guy behind your boyfriend's back and continued to contact him afterwards and had no plans to be honest with your boyfriend. It is so insulting to your boyfriend. You are in damage control and clearly are unable to come up with a good answer. You know the answer. You did this because you could and you did not care about your boyfriend's feelings because you thought you could get away with it without him ever finding out. Lets be honest here. If the roles were reversed how would you be feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LizardNoyce Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Bryan, you're telling me things I already know here and are currently working on. It's nothing he and I haven't discussed before so, if you're here to help I appreciate advice. But don't tell me things that I already know and have been thinking/talking about for the last 6 months. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LizardNoyce Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Also, I have been dishonest on many levels but that doesn't make me a dishonest person. I had been faithful and honest with him for 2.5 years before all of this happened, and continue to be faithful after the fact. Say what you want but because this happened doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me stupid, and selfish, yes. And so many nights alone and over thinking I start to question my character. But he's with me for a reason ad I need to make that reason work. I cheated, but I'm my a cheater. I'm dumb and naive and blind. But not anymore.. And I partially know how it feels because he cheated in me too before. Not physically, but emotionally and that hurt so damn bad. But we it over it. Are you saying I need to find a reason why I did it and tell him? Because I don't think "because I could" is going to fly with him. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Also, I have been dishonest on many levels but that doesn't make me a dishonest person. I had been faithful and honest with him for 2.5 years before all of this happened, and continue to be faithful after the fact. Say what you want but because this happened doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me stupid, and selfish, yes. And so many nights alone and over thinking I start to question my character. But he's with me for a reason ad I need to make that reason work. I cheated, but I'm my a cheater. I'm dumb and naive and blind. But not anymore.. And I partially know how it feels because he cheated in me too before. Not physically, but emotionally and that hurt so damn bad. But we it over it. Are you saying I need to find a reason why I did it and tell him? Because I don't think "because I could" is going to fly with him. Finding a why answer is usually a waste of time. Though I will guess you had a RA, revenge affair because your BF had an EA. You could not just have a REA, you had to make sure you did not just get even, you had to get back best. Trust will never be restored to 100%. Your BF will always have a trace of paranoia. Breaking trust is as breaking a cup. The cup can be glued. The cup will work and not leak. The scars/cracks will always still be there. Seen and felt every time the cup is held. You appear to be off to a good start. Even though you are not married get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. Link to post Share on other sites
BoneyHadger Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Sooooo, it's the same guy who you think cares about his cat more than he cares about you? I'm just gonna suggest that your cheating may be in fact linked with that... And this is why I don't believe in and don't do second chances. It's easy to stay in sth you're complacent in, but not really happy. And for the record, I meant your bf here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LizardNoyce Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Well it's really hard to decide what to do. Because I've lived in Wisconsin with just him for a little over two years now, meaning my whole family lives in other states. All I have here are him and his family. So I don't know if he's doing me a favor by staying with me, because obviously I we break up I'll have nobody.. I love him but a lot of the time I feel I should leave because I want him to be happy.. But that would mean me hurting him again. I really don't know what to do :/ Link to post Share on other sites
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