About revenge affairs (I think at times it can be justified)

Mme. Chaucer · 17th May 2012, 10:34 AM

Since both of them seem to want outside sex as part of the "culture" of their marriage, why not just have an open relationship?

If the guy thinks that affairs are wrong, hurtful and destructive to his marriage, then he is also wrong to have one. "Two wrongs don't make a right," right?

If he can't forgive her for her affair (it would be difficult) then he needs to go.

Two people being vengeful, lying and cheating is not promoting a nice environment for an adolescent. Divorce would be better.

nofool4u · 17th May 2012, 1:14 PM

"About revenge affairs (I think at times it can be justified)"

No, they aren't justified, ever. All cheating in revenge does is make you a cheater yourself and you then become something no decent person would want in a potential partner.

I don't care what the reason, if I found out someone cheated, I don't want to be with someone with that kind of character.

dasein · 17th May 2012, 1:41 PM

IMO this is not a revenge affair. At some point in time, years into the affair, the marriage became a sham, no longer existed as a moral agreement, and only legal requirements with respect to children and marital property remain. So the guy's ONS with the woman is not an affair at all, since IMO he isn't really married on a moral level. Would say the same if OP's friend were female.

NathanSHawk · 19th May 2012, 2:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mme. Chaucer

Divorce would be better.

True but he refuses to and claims to still love his wife but at the same time still wants to hang out with Nellie.

NathanSHawk · 19th May 2012, 2:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mme. Chaucer

If the guy thinks that affairs are wrong, hurtful and destructive to his marriage, then he is also wrong to have one. "Two wrongs don't make a right," right?

That's how he once used to be but yesterday he started venting out about how he wasted time being a good man and husband, only to have that happened.

NathanSHawk · 19th May 2012, 2:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RiverRunning

The two should probably get into counseling together and work on these issues. Maybe they need more excitement in their marriage. He needs to figure out WHY his wife sought out an affair for years before he can really start to work on this. Did she feel neglected, was the 'excitement' gone out of their relationship, what?

He was the type of guy that I didn't think any women would cheat on him (I would say way more generous than me, I'm not much of a gentleman). Every time I would visit them, they seemed like an almost perfect couple so it was shocking when he told about it. I guess in the end you never know who you'll be dealing with.

Now what's changing is he might not stop contacting Nellie and clearly likes her more than before.

evansdale · 30th May 2012, 3:17 PM

Maybe your friend should get rid of the wife for the time being and focus on his little girl. He has to figure out what the best road to take is for himself and his daughter only. His wife's feelings he can toss aside and shouldn't be wasting anymore of his life feeling betrayed and resentful.
He must strengthen himself up and pave a new road for himself. HE will be better off and find someone great, even if it is Nellie.

His Daughter doesn't need to see a self destructing daddy for the sake of
"saving a marriage" after an affair. its like giving CPR to roadkill!!!