During SEX, BF HAS FANTASIES about OTHER WOMEN- My Friends, his Exes
My boyfriend (of over a year) and I were talking last night, and it came out that
HE FANTASIZES about OTHER WOMEN during sex... women he knows, even my fame friends.
When we make love, I'm thinking only about him so this really upset me. To me it feels almost like cheating. One step closer, anyway. I'm comfortable with (his/our) looking at porn, but I don't carry this into reality (by acting on it, or visualizing myself with someone else while he's touching me). When I make love with him, I think only of him and us!
He said that when he fantasizes (about real women, even my friends), having sex with me is masturbation for wanting/visualizing those other women.
As a guy, some of the things my fiancee has done has 'reminded' me of some people I've had sex with in the past. But I don't think about them when i'm with her. I don't think of them in a sexual way at all. What he's doing is very disrespectful, and telling you like that is just plain wrong. It shows he desires them in a way he shouldnt, if he's going to be with you.
Unfortunetly you can't control his thoughts. You could talk to him all you want, and he could say he's not thinking about them anymore but you truly won't ever know.
You have every right to be hurt, I would be for sure. I don't know if I could be in a relationship with someone who's did that. I'm guessing he doesn't respect you in alot of other ways as well. What did he say when you told him how it felt?
This is very common, among both men AND women. But telling you "who" he was fantasizing about wasn't the brightest thing he could have done. It's the equivalent of shouting out someone else's name during sex!!
Some people actually consider it a "turn-on" to know their partner's fantasies, but obviously you have to be careful of how much you reveal. Some of us don't appreciate knowing that our partner wants to boink someone at work or one of our close friends. 'Real' people in our own social circles present a much bigger threat to our relationship than that porn star on TV because they're more accessible.
Too close for comfort!!
I don't know what to tell you that would make you feel better. I probably would have b*tch-slapped him, myself. I only hope this seed of doubt he planted in your head doesn't spoil your relationship for good. If so, he’s got only himself to blame.
The guy's a complete MORON for actually telling you that. I myself do the same thing he does, but I'd never TELL the person I'm with that I'm thinking of anyone other than her. Yeah, it's lying in a way, but it's the kind of lie that needs to be done.
I was in a 7 year relationship with a disgusting dirty perverted pig like this guy. I am sorry to insult your boyfriend this way and I don't even know him but........ I allowed my ex-boyfriend certain freedoms. I was tollerant of his fantasies and guess what happened to me? I got SICK of it and of HIM! I felt like I was the ugliest woman on the planet!
He fantasized about three-somes, about other women, about MY friends, about the girl he placed an order with at McDonalds! and it goes on and on and on and on..........Men like this are just grown up little boys who refuse to keeps their hands off their peckers. They are the little boys who were scolded by their mothers yet never listened and learned to control themselves.
This is NOT a healthy relationship, no matter how hard you try he WILL NOT CHANGE, he will NEVER stop. I*f you think it hurts now? Just wait........it does not get any better and now that he has discussed it with you out loud....in his mind you will be accepting of it because you know now.
I'm sorry but if you have to resort to thinking about someone else why you are making love, or having sex with your mate then something is truly wrong with your relationship. Especially if you think about an ex, there are SERIOUS problems with that. That's not only disrespectful but in my eyes the same as cheating on someone. You are just using your mate's body why you try to fulfill a desire to be with someone else. That's one of the most selfish things you can do to someone. Not only have you been compared to his ex's, etc.. he's telling you he would rather have sex with them, by doing this.
Yes I have selfish desires. I desire a sexy women to make love too.
But I don't have that. I have a wife that got fat. We have a daughter to raise. I love my child and I am not going to dump my wife and crush my daughter's little world as she knows it for my desires. That would truly be selfish.
So I will fantasize, masturbate and do whatever it takes to cope.
Call me wrong jmargel....live my life then we can talk.
Doniker --- I can sympathize with your situation - I can understand that you see what you're doing as coping and survival - but InquisitiveK isn't married to the guy. There doesn't seem to be children involved in the relationship. If he considers sex with her like masturbation while he fantasizes about everyone other than her, then he shouldn't be with her. There is something very wrong with that.
Everyone fantasizes, but some fantasies are best kept quiet, especially if it hurts someone's feelings. He's getting way too graphic with all the details. You can tell him to keep his thoughts to himself, or else you're going to have to put up and shut up with his discussions..
Freeme: not only are we not married, but... from everything my boyfriend says (and honestly, me too- as a fit 23yo), I'm sexy and "very desireable," that he fantasizes about me a lot.
He says he wants the women he has fantasies about, but not in a real sense- that I'm all he wants. Why would be want to think about another woman's body WHILE we're making love if he's happy with me (as he claims to be)? I understand fantasies as healthy and natural, but not with your exes or women you know (it's too real). Why does he think about other women if not because he WANTS them (more)?
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