Desperate2004 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 I got involved with an older guy that has a serious relationshp with a Japanese GF that he has been going out with for 4 years. I know and really did not intend to have anything to do with him but it all turned out differently than that I wanted. I know this is all wrong but I already stepped into it. I am basically having an affair with him. At first I didn't want anything until he initiate it and I gave in. And what's worse is that after that I am emotinally attached to him and I feel like seeing him again (we live in different cities but close enough). I feel so terrible about it especially to his gf (whom I dunno). At the same time I can't help but feel that I really do like him. I know that he would not break up with her and I feel that i shouldn't get involve with him anymore, but I can't help thinking about him alot. I don' t know what to do and I am very confused. He told me he loves his girlfriend very much, and if so how come he's cheating on her? He said he likes me very much but what does that mean? I don't know really what I mean to him, and I can't understand why I am still willing to wait for him or hoping to see him soon again. I have never done anything like this before, and I even now I have no trouble finding a BF, and yet I can't forget him. I don't know what's wrong with me, help Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Simple advice: Don't try and have a relationship with someone who already has someone "special" in their lives. If they can lie and cheat with you, then they can do it to you just as easily. Why do people not understand this? Do yourself a huge favor and go find someone worth your time. Someone who will tell you where you stand, what you mean to them. And someone you can trust. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Sockergurl13 Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 I agree with Deranged.... I have done this with my first boyfriend...and it all turned back on me when he left me in the same manner that he left the girlfriend he had when i met him. Now i know that you said he wouldnt break up with his girlfriend, but overall, its not worth it. He doesnt know what love is if he can cheat on this women he claims to "love." To me, he sounds like he just needs a sense of power in his life at all times, and still enjoys the feelings of excitement by getting away with something he knows he shouldnt. Besides...how do you know you are the only one hes cheating on her with...can you imagine him sleeping with 5 girls right now, instead of just you AND his girlfriend...and isnt that disturbning enough?? Overall, you need to assess the situation: Its not fair to you to "talk" to someone who is with someone else. Its not fair to her to be cheated on. (or the other women hes probably talking to)... Find someone to make you happy, you said its not a problem...stop talking to him and block him out of your life...thats the ONLY way to efficiently get over him...thats what i think you need to do... Good Luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 He has shown you he is not trustworthy already...by cheating on his current g/f. What else is he doing behind your back and hers? He has told you he isnt going to leave his girlfriend, so why do you stay? He says he likes you. To me that means, hey you are a great person and as long as you keep all of this on the DL, its all good! Dont let this man have his cake and eat it too! If anything, let him go. Its hard and sucks but you will do better NOT contacting him. At least he is in a different town, which is good cause you dont have to run into him. You havent really started anything with this guy that is based on a good foundation for a relationship...so really its just a fantasy of what could be. That in reality wont be, because he wont leave her. Save yourself and your feelings and let it go now. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Don't pursue it any further, because the thought, "What if he does this to me?" will NEVER fully leave your head. And it will happen. Just play it smart. DOn't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 This guy I had a fling with earlier this year. I found out he had a girlfriend in Japan too. After things got more intimate. Mind you. I thought he was single when we met. At first he told me she was his ex. Then confessed later on that she was still his girlfriend. The bastard. I was glad he was being honest with me but still. I did feel sorry for the girl. After being in that situation. (It didn't last long at all). If I did end up having a relationship with him I know all I would be doing would be stressing out and getting paranoid everytime he was out with his mates. There would've been no trust there at all. I thought that after it was over. I know I could never be in a long distance relationship. Wouldn't be able to trust a guy enough to have one. Most of them can't say no to girls. Especially if they have a lot of single male friends and go too clubs and pubs alot. I don' think it's fair when guys do that. If they know they aren't gonna be faithful in long distance relationships they should just take a brake from the relationship till they see their girlfriends again. Depending on what the situation is I guess. If you still want to keep it going just don't get too emotionally attached to him. It will be easier to brake it off when you are ready too that way. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Save yourself and your feelings and let it go now I agree with that. You may be emotionally attached to him. Leave him before they get any deeper. It may be hard but at least you won't have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that he may do the same thing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 If this guy had a wife which would require time and effort to leave in order to be with you...that would be hard enough to deal with. But your guy has a girlfriend which only requires a break up conversation. I have no idea why you would wait on him. I think what he's doing to your heart is self serving and cruel. I personally think people get all wrapped up in love triangles due to the 'challenge'involved...just wanting to 'win' the person away from someone else. The truth is....he doesn't belong to her either. He only belongs to himself. I'm fairly liberal minded as far as affairs......but these kind of guys just piss me off!!! RUN....don't walk....away from this relationship. Even if you did end up with him....you would have nothing. I'm sorry you are miserable over this Link to post Share on other sites
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