Brandonmc1820 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Alright so my GF of almost 17 months went to party with some friends and got drunk(her first time drinking) and apparently kissed another guy. The next day when I woke up my friend called me and told me he was 90% sure he saw my gf coming out of a room with a guy and her hair was all messed up and she looked really drunk. After I got off the phone with him I called her up and asked if she cheated on me and she kept saying no and got mad at me for accusing her for doing so. Eventually I got 100% proof from a person I knew at the party saying she talked to him and said she felt so bad for cheating on me and even when I told her I had 100% proof she did it she continued to lie to me....After about 9 hours of her lieing to me nonstop she finally confessed she cheated on me but it was only a kiss and nothing more. The problem with parties is; everyone is drunk, and rumors start. apparently there was a rumor she had sex but I really don't believe it and the guy she apparently had sex with talked to me and the guy she kissed talked to me. Anyway, I believe(for the most part) she only kissed a guy and that was it but what do I do? It would be different and easy to get over it if she admitted to it right away and told me but she lied and lied and got mad at me for accusing her. She said she only lied because she was terrified of losing me. This happened about 3 weeks ago or so and we did get better but then it goes right back down the tubes. I'm trying to get past it but I can't believe anything she says now and it sucks. I want to be with her though but she is also moving 2 hours away which will be hard. I'm 19 and she's 18. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandonmc1820 Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) she has always been good to me before this though. when things are good they are great. I really do believe that she loves me because she makes it pretty clear but it's really hard to get over the fact that she kept lieing to me nonstop and the fact that she is moving 2 hours away. Also not to use this as any excuse but she had a really really rough life so she never had a parental figure, she was the parental figure for her younger brothers and sisters at the age of ten. Not to say this excuses what she did but you have to factor that into it. Yes she knows what she did was wrong though and did apologize after she finally confessed. Edited August 28, 2011 by Brandonmc1820 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Dude, she cheated on you...and I seriously doubt it was just a kiss. She and this dude together in a room alone? They might or might not have had intercourse, but something more than kissing happened. Make out session, heavy petting, this guy putting his hands in places where a committed girlfriend would say no and slap the hell out of him, oral... Regardless, this isn't the behavior that any guy would have to put up with. I think you need to take a step back and re-evaluate the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Dump her bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 What would you do? I'd dump her. and if you think she won't do this again, you are fooling yourself. If you stay with her, then expect to be cheated on by her again. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Alright so my GF of almost 17 months went to party with some friends and got drunk(her first time drinking) and apparently kissed another guy. The next day when I woke up my friend called me and told me he was 90% sure he saw my gf coming out of a room with a guy and her hair was all messed up and she looked really drunk. After I got off the phone with him I called her up and asked if she cheated on me and she kept saying no and got mad at me for accusing her for doing so. Eventually I got 100% proof from a person I knew at the party saying she talked to him and said she felt so bad for cheating on me and even when I told her I had 100% proof she did it she continued to lie to me....After about 9 hours of her lieing to me nonstop she finally confessed she cheated on me but it was only a kiss and nothing more. The problem with parties is; everyone is drunk, and rumors start. apparently there was a rumor she had sex but I really don't believe it and the guy she apparently had sex with talked to me and the guy she kissed talked to me. Anyway, I believe(for the most part) she only kissed a guy and that was it but what do I do? It would be different and easy to get over it if she admitted to it right away and told me but she lied and lied and got mad at me for accusing her. She said she only lied because she was terrified of losing me. This happened about 3 weeks ago or so and we did get better but then it goes right back down the tubes. I'm trying to get past it but I can't believe anything she says now and it sucks. I want to be with her though but she is also moving 2 hours away which will be hard. I'm 19 and she's 18. What would you do? Dump her. She cheated and lied to you. Why would you want someone like that in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 She was already planning on dumping you when she moves two hours away. She is getting a taste now when shes drunk. This is a common scenario around here. The girl says she was drunk, he kissed her and was really aggressive, to make herself look like she didnt want to do it, but she probably jumped him. It shows that she isnt as much your girlfriend as you are her bf. So drop her now. She says she doesnt want to lose you because she still needs you to lean on until she dumps you. She wont be able to handle feeling guilty when you dump her first. Just drop her, dont worry about how she feels. She isnt into you anymore, and you really wont be able to recover from this, you will NEVER be able to believe her no matter how much you want to. Plus youre 19, you have plenty of women to date until youre married, this girl isnt the one. No one makes out with someone when they are drunk, when they are in a committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 she has always been good to me before this though. when things are good they are great. I really do believe that she loves me because she makes it pretty clear but it's really hard to get over the fact that she kept lieing to me nonstop and the fact that she is moving 2 hours away. Also not to use this as any excuse but she had a really really rough life so she never had a parental figure, she was the parental figure for her younger brothers and sisters at the age of ten. Not to say this excuses what she did but you have to factor that into it. Yes she knows what she did was wrong though and did apologize after she finally confessed. But you had to drag a confession out of her.....THAT says it all also the last person I'd believe are the guys she supposedly kissed or the guy she supposedly screwed...you are going to get a WEALTH of honesty there...lol She lied to you NOT because she was terrified of losing you...she lied to protect her self and hoped she could browbeat you into dropping it and when confronted she only admitted to what you KNEW........Bro this diatribe is on page 46, paragraph 3 of the Cheaters Handbook. right next to..."I didn't want to hurt you" and "I thought you didn't love me anymore"...LMAO! Sorry but I doubt highly is that was the first time she got drunk....if you believe that I have some oceanfront property in Iowa for sale.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brandonmc1820 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) Dude, she cheated on you...and I seriously doubt it was just a kiss. She and this dude together in a room alone? They might or might not have had intercourse, but something more than kissing happened. Make out session, heavy petting, this guy putting his hands in places where a committed girlfriend would say no and slap the hell out of him, oral... Regardless, this isn't the behavior that any guy would have to put up with. I think you need to take a step back and re-evaluate the relationship. It was only a kiss because they were out in the open on the couch by other people who confirmed it and trust me the last thing she wants is to dump me. she wants the exact opposite and i have dumped her before. but anyway, It's hard to determine the right thing to do without knowing everything. either way thank you for your opinions and I'll probably just leave her when I go away to college so we can at least be friends. Trust me if i was from the outside looking in I'd say all the same stuff you guys are and if it happened to one of my friends i'd be like get the **** out man but i know that wasn't her. People make mistakes and you have to accept that. I have no plans on marrying her but I do not want to not be with her at this time. I'm happy with her. Sorry to disappoint you all and shrug off what you took the time to reply with but I really have no idea why I posted this haha. /thread Edited August 29, 2011 by Brandonmc1820 Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 She kissed him out in the open where everyone can see? Shame on you for wanting to continue with this girl. She has no respect for you, that much is obvious. She kissed one guy out in the open and she also came out of a room with another guy hair all ruffled up? Tell me when the last time you've seen a girl get her hair all messed up by JUST kissing a guy. Stop living in denial bto, everyone that was at the party witnessed her and another guy being in a room ALONE. Surely if she was just gonna kiss him she would have done it out in the open like she did with the other guy right? Regardless of what really happened, she cheated and if you excuse her from it this time, you can be damn sure she'll do it again eventually. Once someone knows what they can get away with, whats to stop them from doing it again. Man the **** up and put your foot down. Don't be a blind fool. Credentials? I took back my ex 3 times and she cheated each and every time. Learn from my mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 People make mistakes and you have to accept that. Then tell her to watch out around banana peels. She may trip, fall and land on some guy's dick. Or make some "mistakes" yourself and have fun, if you don't take her seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 This happened about 3 weeks ago or so and we did get better but then it goes right back down the tubes. If things got better than why did it go 'back down the tubes'. I know this isn't a lot of comfort right now but unless you where planning to marry the girl; move on, especially with her moving a couple hours away. You don't trust her now, how is that going to work when she moves? Your 19, take 10 years or so to go to college, live, date, get your heart broken properly a few times. The best thing about getting older is the view from hindsight is spectacular Link to post Share on other sites
Dalicias Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Ok, first off, I am sorry that this happened to you. Your girlfriend's actions were plain wrong. Even if she says she was "just drunk" and it didn't mean anything, then she should have been able to tell you right off the bat. I also wouldn't talk/believe the guys at the party. Why would guys be honest about sleeping with another man's girlfriend? That ruins his chances of getting laid by her again, and it prevents the boyfriend from beating the **** out of him. I would go on your own way. You're 19, and she's just entering her party stage now? There's bound to be even more problems. A true, lasting relationship will come at a later age, for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
jeremy711 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 You're young still...Kick her to the curb and get someone better. If she cheated ok you can talk about it, but the fact she lied and lied about it constantly would piss me off. So dump her! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 The next day when I woke up my friend called me and told me he was 90% sure he saw my gf coming out of a room with a guy and her hair was all messed up and she looked really drunk. Then, why did you write this? Now, she was on a couch in front of a bunch of people? So, which one was it? Starting to smell a troll here..... Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Then, why did you write this? Now, she was on a couch in front of a bunch of people? So, which one was it? Starting to smell a troll here..... He said she made out with a guy on the couch and also came out of the room with another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 He said she made out with a guy on the couch and also came out of the room with another guy. Well, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened there! And for him to approach the guys that did this with his girl. They just got away with making out and lord knows what else with her behind closed doors. Oh yeah! I can see them being forthcoming with the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
An3maePhreek Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Brandonmc1820, I'd like to point out a few fairly alarming details and my take on them. First, you had two sources confirm that your gf 1) made out with guy one on a couch and 2) came out of room with her hair all messed up with guy two. To most people, these two facts are a dealbreaker. Even if you could accept the kissing, the second POSSIBLE scenario (being that she full out had sex) is enough to drive anybody nuts. Now, that is probably why you are posting on this website. To get some perspective. All I see however are people telling you to dump your gf. Now, the way I see it, you've already decided that you want to be with her. Because 1) you said you want to be with her, and 2) you defended her saying that she wouldn't want to cheat on you because she wants to be with you too. So in some way shape or form, you believe in her innocence with the second scenario. That she did not have sex with guy number two. So it doesn't matter what anybody says on here that she had sex, somewhere in you, you believe that she didn't have sex with that guy. Mostly anyways. Two, your gf lied and lied and lied to you about it, until she finally confessed. The only concern you may have here is the trickle-truthing. She confessed to the kissing, but not to the sex. Maybe the sex happened. Maybe it didn't. You don't know for sure. But again, you've pretty much decided that you believe her about the sex, so this is pretty irrelevant except of course for the fact that she was able to lie to you. But here's the thing. You need to determine whether or not lying to you was a dealbreaker. You are wavering because now you can't trust her. Now three, you've stated that you are/probably going to leave her once college starts. You've also stated that you are not going to marry her. This pretty much tells me that you are casually dating her. And by casually dating, I mean that you've got it in your head that this relationship is not the relationship of your life. This is not THE ONE. This is not the girl you bring home to your mom and live out the rest of your life with. And here's my opinion on it: that friggin' sucks. If you're not serious about her, then why string her along. Of course, it doesn't mean that every relationship should be about marriage and what not, but what I'm saying is that you've already ruled it out. So why think so much about this whole cheating thing? Heck, you've dumped her before! I say break up with her now, not because she cheated, but because you've already decided that you have no future with this girl. Why waste each other's time? Kissing some other person and/or lying are not dealbreakers in my book. Like you said, people make mistakes. But my dealbreaker is when you guys have different expectations of your relationship. You don't see it going any further than the coming school year, and god knows what she thinks about it. So yeah. Call it quits, and stop wasting each other's time. Link to post Share on other sites
sitting Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 maybe you should breake up with her before she do it with you.... becouse it will suck even more... Link to post Share on other sites
cupcakekk Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 i dont really have any advice here. but i dont always think a cheater is always a cheater like someone has said. i cheated on my ex boyfriend because he cheated on me. FYI does NOT make the situation any better at all! just sinks you to their level and makes both of you hate eachother. so i've cheated and with my new boyfriend i would NEVER EVER cheat. so yes maybe once a cheater always a cheater but maybe with that only person you cheated on. not nessesary ever again if you break up with that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 she has always been good to me before this though. when things are good they are great. I really do believe that she loves me because she makes it pretty clear but it's really hard to get over the fact that she kept lieing to me nonstop and the fact that she is moving 2 hours away. Also not to use this as any excuse but she had a really really rough life so she never had a parental figure, she was the parental figure for her younger brothers and sisters at the age of ten. Not to say this excuses what she did but you have to factor that into it. Yes she knows what she did was wrong though and did apologize after she finally confessed. God what is this nonsense? not to use an excuse but then you use an excuse? She had a rough life, never had a parental figure, blah blah, so what has that got to do with you? She went to a party, admittedly drank, then kissed a guy, went into a room with him (Where were you figuring in her mind during this time, or was her lust so strong she forgot about you?) And she only kissed? Ok let's say she only kissed, then she hid it from you and continued to lie to you, if you think owning up to a kiss is so hard to extract what chances of her fessing up to sex? Everyone is sorry after the fact, but the thing is, if she was really that into you then she would never have kissed him/banged him. The fact that she is actually a parental figure to her siblings also shows she has some moral responsibility which kind of makes her actions more damning. You want to forgive her because she's given you a sob story and you're looking for any reason to forgive her, but fact is the trust is gone, can you trust her out on her own again? What if next time she doesn't check in with you, you'll be wondering what she's up to. Most likely you'll forgive her so what's the point. Good luck with the lying cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
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