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My girlfriend had an affair with a married mormon man with two kids


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

 
 
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Old 13th November 2003, 11:35 PM   #1
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My girlfriend had an affair with a married mormon man with two kids

I am in love with a girl who had a relationship with a man who was married. She met him this past April while she was taking an exam. This man did not tell her he was married initially but when he did it was through a letter. She later found out he had two kids and was a mormon.

This relationship got very ugly not only for her but her family. His wife found out and started to stalk the girl I am in love with by calling everywhere even at work (a hospital). She sent letters to her house even.

My girl tried breaking off the relationship several times, but he made her feel guilty by calling her and emailing her. He even cried once on her voicemail. My girl even left the country to avoid him, but he emailed her even after she left to go to Spain.

This guy was not only having a relationship with the girl I am in love with but his wife. He was keeping secrets from both of them. He was calling my girl in the morning and emailing her and telling her he loved her while he was sleeping with his wife. Then I started to email his wife and him everytime I found out about the contact from the husband. They were seeing a counselor to work on their marriage, but he could not stop contact with my girl. This drove me crazy. The bastard kept playing games with my girl.

Everytime my girlfriend would email the bastard he would forward the email to his wife without his email making it look like my girl was after him. The wife would then forward the emails to my girl with sick mormon philosophies and messages. She also sent my girls parents a letter warning them that their daughter was committing adultery.

The wife tried locating me but was unsuccessful so she emailed my girl and proposed that my girl was behind all the emails that I had forwarded the husband and her. The wife also contacted a number of people who my girl worked with at the hospital to get information about her. She also tried finding me, but did not look in the right city or hospital. Do I contact his wife and talk to her? Ask her to stop this insanity and work on her marriage?


I know this sounds very confusing. But I am trying to make this girl realize that the relationship with the bastard was not real and that they are both crazy. She can't seem to get past his wife and convincing the wife of all the crap that has happened. The wife obviously won't admit to anything she has done and is out to make my girl look evil and crazy.

My girl is stuborn and wants to prove my existance and can't seem to get past her feelings for the bastard because he has never apologized or explained to her why he did what he did. I am convinced she still has feelings for this guy despite the fact that he used her and lied to her 100X over. Should I give my girl time to resolve her issues or dump her and move on with my life.



I have put my career on hold for her. I really want to marry this girl. She is everything I have ever wanted in a mate and more. I know she loves me but she continues to tell me to give her time. I cannot seem to convince my girl how crazy this guy is not to mention his wife who continues to forward emails to my girl to this day.
Please help.
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Old 14th November 2003, 6:10 AM   #2
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hey,

You are going out with this girl who still has feelings for the "bastard"! why on earth are you trying to prove? Look, if she truely interested in you and loves you, she wont even bother to read the "bastard's" emails and reply them. It sounds like she is double dipping. It aint right. You need to tell her that she gotta chose between the "bastard" and you. If she cant choose or refuse to let go the "bastard" than you are wasting your time, my friend. You really do sound like a nice guy.
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Old 14th November 2003, 8:19 AM   #3
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Confused. Is you girlfriend still sleeping with the Mormon? If not, why doesn't she just change her email address, r-list her telephone and call the police if he or his wife continues to harass her. Has she never heard of the option of blocking emails?!

It is not that hard to break all contact with someone, why hasn't she done this? I definitely get the feeling (as you have yourself admitted) that she is emotionally attached to her ex and the fighting with him and his family is a way of continuing contact.

You want to marry a woman that is dragging you into a sorry story that should have been dead and buried a long time ago? even to the point that your career is 'on hold'? Think again.

The details of the story, why he did what he did, whether he apologized or not, are totally irrelevant. Present your girl with the ultimatum of either stopping all contact with this family or seeing you leave her - this will help you see if she is more attached to him or you.
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Old 14th November 2003, 10:41 AM   #4
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Thank you for your input

No my girl is not sleeping with the mormon. We live in different states. She did try blocking them from her email but the wife used multiple emails to email her. She has signed up for a new email account, but still uses her old one to check if her friends who don't know her new address emailed her. YOu are right she still has feelings for him, is that natural? Even after all that he did to her?

My girl is not fighting with his family it is his wife that has dragged my girls parents into this. She did report the harassment to the police. We have turned everything into the police. My girl keeps telling me she needs closure from him and answers to why he did what he did. This is so stupid! How can you get closure from someone who is a pathologic liar. I am a medical professional and recognize that both the wife and husband have pathology. I wish I could convince my girl of this. She even feels sorry for the wife. My girl to this day still prays for them.

Is it normal for me to have questions about wanting to know the details of their relationship? My girl would not even kiss me before she met the bastard. She had never slept with anyone until the bastard. This is what really makes me depressed and sad.

reckless and ash21 Thank you for your input. This is really helpful.
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Old 14th November 2003, 11:06 AM   #5
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My girlfriend had an affair with a married mormon man with two kids

My girlfriend had an affair with a married mormon man with two kids

I am in love with a girl who had a relationship with a man who was married. She met him this past April while she was taking an exam. This man did not tell her he was married initially but when he did it was through a letter. She later found out he had two kids and was a mormon.

This relationship got very ugly not only for her but her family. His wife found out and started to stalk the girl I am in love with by calling everywhere even at work (a hospital). She sent letters to her house even.

My girl tried breaking off the relationship several times, but he made her feel guilty by calling her and emailing her. He even cried once on her voicemail. My girl even left the country to avoid him, but he emailed her even after she left to go to Spain.

This guy was not only having a relationship with the girl I am in love with but his wife. He was keeping secrets from both of them. He was calling my girl in the morning and emailing her and telling her he loved her while he was sleeping with his wife. Then I started to email his wife and him everytime I found out about the contact from the husband. They were seeing a counselor to work on their marriage, but he could not stop contact with my girl. This drove me crazy. The bastard kept playing games with my girl.

Everytime my girlfriend would email the bastard he would forward the email to his wife without his email making it look like my girl was after him. The wife would then forward the emails to my girl with sick mormon philosophies and messages. She also sent my girls parents a letter warning them that their daughter was committing adultery.

The wife tried locating me but was unsuccessful so she emailed my girl and proposed that my girl was behind all the emails that I had forwarded the husband and her. The wife also contacted a number of people who my girl worked with at the hospital to get information about her. She also tried finding me, but did not look in the right city or hospital. Do I contact his wife and talk to her? Ask her to stop this insanity and work on her marriage?


I know this sounds very confusing. But I am trying to make this girl realize that the relationship with the bastard was not real and that they are both crazy. She can't seem to get past his wife and convincing the wife of all the crap that has happened. The wife obviously won't admit to anything she has done and is out to make my girl look evil and crazy.

My girl is stuborn and wants to prove my existance and can't seem to get past her feelings for the bastard because he has never apologized or explained to her why he did what he did. I am convinced she still has feelings for this guy despite the fact that he used her and lied to her 100X over. Should I give my girl time to resolve her issues or dump her and move on with my life.



I have put my career on hold for her. I really want to marry this girl. She is everything I have ever wanted in a mate and more. I know she loves me but she continues to tell me to give her time. I cannot seem to convince my girl how crazy this guy is not to mention his wife who continues to forward emails to my girl to this day.
Please help.
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Old 14th November 2003, 11:08 AM   #6
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You might not like what I have to say, but I’m going to say it anyway.

The problem with the married man is not your problem – I understand you want to help your GF, but it’s not up to you.

Whatever reason your GF is not letting go of this situation is a problem SHE has and I can almost guarantee you that even when this situation is resolved, whatever part of your GF that insisted on maintaining contact with these people will creep into your relationship. Your GF needs some help to let go. Who cares if the wife ever believes her! That shouldn’t matter at all. If they are stalking your GF then she needs to file a complaint, and get a lawyer. She should not be contacting them at all – not even in response to their repeated attempts to contact her. Why is it so important for your GF to prove anything to these people? If she truly wants nothing to do with them then she needs to ignore all contact from them. If they are harassing her at work, calling her employer or co-workers then she should get a lawyer and put a legal stop to it. It has nothing to do with you at all.

So what if the guy never apologized. If she cannot move on in a relationship with you because she thinks she needs closure or an apology or something then the problem is hers. She may be obsessive, or she may have feelings for him, or she may be a very angry person, or any number of other things. Suggest that she get some counseling – sounds like she needs it.

You have nothing to do with this part and the more you try to help the worse it will be. You can support her, you can suggest that she get the lawyer and the counselor – but you can’t do it for her. There is something in her personality that is not letting go. What problems may come up in your relationship later on that she might obsess over? Who knows, but are you willing to accept this trait in her? You may end up resenting her for it someday because your career and happiness will have suffered.

I may be way off base – I’m only hearing your view, and it’s limited by the description you can give. That is why I strongly suggest counseling for her, and maybe couples counseling for both of you.

Quote:
The wife tried locating me but was unsuccessful so she emailed my girl and proposed that my girl was behind all the emails that I had forwarded the husband and her. The wife also contacted a number of people who my girl worked with at the hospital to get information about her. She also tried finding me, but did not look in the right city or hospital. Do I contact his wife and talk to her? Ask her to stop this insanity and work on her marriage?
This is what I find questionable. WHY is she maintaining contact? Why does she (and you?) feel that all emails must be responded to? What do you hope to accomplish? Do you expect them to say “OH! Now I see, okay – I’ll leave you alone now” and then you two can go on your merry way?

Why is ‘the wife’ trying to find you? Why is ‘the wife’ contacting people at your GFs place of employment? Because she is hurt and wants to lash out and hurt back probably. This can be legally stopped.

Why do you think you should contact ‘the wife’? Do you really believe that you can talk to her and convince her to leave you alone?

Get counseling and get a lawyer. Don’t put your own career on hold – you can be supportive without being overwhelmed and sucked in. After you and your GF have been to some counseling sessions then you can reevaluate the relationship and decide if she is really worth it to you.
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Old 14th November 2003, 11:25 AM   #7
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We are both in counseling and seeing a couples counselor together but she wants to stop and concentrate on herself and "heal and morn" the loss of the bastard.

Is this crazy? I am afraid of loosing her again.

We have reported everything and turned in everything to the police and even hired a lawyer. They cannot do anything because my girl engaged with them by replying to their emails.

It is amazing how good it feels to release all of these emotions that have been building inside.
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Old 14th November 2003, 11:33 AM   #8
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Well, it sounds like you are doing all the right things. It seems like a good lawyer could keep them from contacting your GFs job -- but I don't know all the circumstances. I hope that neither her job, or yours, has been jeopardized in any way.

She does need to concentrate on herself right now and understand herself and get over the hurt this man did to her. That is the most healthy thing she can do, because it will have a direct impact on her ability to trust you - nothing personal, but when someone gets hurt like this those trust issues creep into every relationship. Learning about herself and how to deal with this will help her and will help your relationship in the future.
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Old 14th November 2003, 11:42 AM   #9
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I agree with hokey. If your girl says she needs time to heal and mourn, take her well-being into consideration and hold off on thinking about yourself. If she was in a relationship with this guy and then you came along, that's not much time getting over him, and you can't solve the problems of one relationship by entering into a new one. Something must still be there for this married man, or else your girlfriend would nix all contact with him. There is nothing to changing an email address so that there can no longer be contact that way...she could also change her phone number so that they can't reach her by phone. The point is there are things she can do, and she should be the one to do it if she truly wants the contact to end.
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Old 14th November 2003, 11:55 AM   #10
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You may have already thought of this - just a couple suggestions:

Your GF could change her e-mail address if it is a personal one - that way she wouldn't even see the emails from the Mormons.

If it is her work email address they are sending to maybe there is a SPAM filter that could be set up, again so she wouldn't even need to see the email (might even have one on her personal email for that matter - have you checked?)

Any contact the Mormon couple receives from you or your GF will just fuel their continued reaction. You and your GF must concentrate on NOT contacting them, staying away from their part of town so there is no chance meeting and get busy with your own lives, both separately and apart. Focusing on work, hobbies, friends - there is a lot to do with the holidays approaching - take advantage of it!

Give her a few months to recover without pressuring her about your relationship. Reevaluate after the holidays. Be good to yourself and try to let go - it's hard but it's necessary.
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Old 14th November 2003, 5:08 PM   #11
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Mormon man

First of all, if you ever have contact with these crazy people again, tell them that the man should be excommunicated from his church and that polygamy ended when Utah became a state. The wife is lashing out because of her betrayal but she should actually be lashing out at her husband not your girlfriend. Give your girlfriend time and she will heal & realize what a great guy you actually are. In the meantime, stay away from those people, they're sick.
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Old 14th November 2003, 6:41 PM   #12
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This is amazing. You are a great group. I hope I can share this with my GF. Our counselors are saying the same things. It is so good to hear people confirm what I believe to be true with all of my heart. I just hope that someday my GF can believe this as well. I guess one can only hope for this.

My GF is an amazing human. She is has so much love in her heart and was devestated by this couple. She frequently cries and blames herself.

Thank you again for all of your input into this situation. I am going to give her time, but I feel that she needs to be open with me if she truly loves me. I want her to tell me how she feels so I can counsel her. She is so terrified of committing to me and fears that she will turn out like the wife. She is scared that all relationships turn into their crazy life. The crazy husband and wife have had problems for 10 years, and have been in counseling according to my GF for a while. She fears that we will end up like them.
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Old 4th December 2003, 5:58 PM   #13
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I was mormon once

The fact that this family is Mormon shouldn't be relavent to the story but it sucks that since they hold such high standards we think we should hold them to it too. They are human just like everyone else. This family obviously has problems. And Your girl needs to contact all her friends that e-mail her and tell them her new e-mail. And ignore everything. If she can't and you love her like you say you do then give her time.

My question is were you with her during this whole thing? If so you need to move on.

If not? Then give her time to let this go. It was her first and girls are emotional about this and she has loving feelings for him so its hard and its even harder when he still wants her or says he does to her. But give her time. Don't DON'T put you life on hold. IF its meant to be helping her as much as you can and living life it will work out. She is a grown woman I am guessing and she can take care of herself. You seem to nice to let this situation upset your life.

Help her as much as possible without making your life a mess too.

Your girl has to know this is a bad situation and in time she will get herself out of it. Time makes everything better.

But if this girl is hurting you then give her space and time. She will realize what a great guy you are and what she has done. She will regret letting this get in the way of your relationship.

Good Luck!
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Old 5th December 2003, 1:31 PM   #14
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The timing of this post could have not been any better. My girlfriend has asked for time and space. She wants us to be friends which is the kiss of death. Our cultures are different she is Iraneian but was raised in America. I think she is struggling with her culture as well.

To answer your question unfortunately she is very confusing. I never knew where we stood. She treated me like a boyfriend visiting me, making me food but never was physical with me. She broke up with me the day I wanted to propose to her. I did not know she had met someone but was acting very strange. I heard through co workers that she had met someone.

I was determined to win her back so I followed her to the state she moved to after she finished her residency. I was awarded a research position for 6 months, we have to complete a project in my program.

We have been seeing a counselor but she claims that the focus in changing her and her big mistake. She does not want to talk about the details of ther relationship with the other guy because she claims it would hurt me. I have come to the conclusion that I can never be him. She will soon learn that he was just a fantasy and that no one can be the fantasy man she claims he is.

I am leaving to go home in a few days. I am depressed, exhausted and outraged. I am not going to make anyone love me. I am going to continue counseling and just wait I guess.
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Old 5th December 2003, 1:39 PM   #15
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A Muslim and a Morman??? GAWD Menis...you DO have a mess on your hands! It sounds like the kind of mess which will take some time to work out. I'm thinking THEY are the ones who need the counselling....

Good Luck though.....
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