LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

Is an BS always necessary a victim?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 26th December 2010, 3:18 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 33
Is an BS always necessary a victim?

Though I've never cheated on a woman before, I was tempted several ocassions on a past relationship (I broke it off way before it got to that point) and my current GF.

Okay so I would never do that but aren't there times in which the BS isn't completely a victim afterall as portraited?

If cheating on my part took place (I will not, but I'm making up an if situation only) I wouldn't really see her as the ''poor victim''.
PlayfulRuddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 3:43 AM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 602
Your life choices are exactly that: your. life. choices.

A BS doesn't get to choose whether you cheat or not.

Last edited by january2010; 26th December 2010 at 3:46 AM..
january2010 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 3:52 AM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by january2010 View Post
A BS doesn't get the choice of whether you cheat or not.
I agree but most of the times they don't even bother examining their own negative qualities that might had played a role in your cheating.
In the end it's always the WS doing most of the work while the BS can sit back and do nothing but cry about being a victim when some aren't.

My cousin's GF cheated on him but IMO he halfway deserved it for being neglectful and not even knowing how to kiss right. Well he would be a very awkward person too.
PlayfulRuddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 5:22 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Working on a clear blue summer sky, at BuddhaDhammaSangha
Posts: 22,843
Nice little Trolling technique you have there.....
TaraMaiden is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 11:37 AM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 652
Quote:
Originally Posted by PlayfulRuddy View Post
In the end it's always the WS doing most of the work while the BS can sit back and do nothing but cry about being a victim when some aren't.
You're obviously young or have very little life experience. Before making such a ludicrous (and unfound) statement, go read some of the infidelity message boards and see the bullsh*t most betrayed spouses have to go through in the course of reconciliation - while the wandering spouse acts as though nothing's changed and they go right on their merry way. The betrayed has to deal with so many devastating things like trickle truth, triggers, wondering if their entire marriage has been a farce, etc. etc. etc.

Don't make immature statements when you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about.

Quote:
My cousin's GF cheated on him but IMO he halfway deserved it for being neglectful and not even knowing how to kiss right. Well he would be a very awkward person too.[/
What grade are you in? You're either a troll or a dumbass 18 year old.
Woman In Blue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 11:46 AM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Working on a clear blue summer sky, at BuddhaDhammaSangha
Posts: 22,843
He's a dumbass 18-year-old troll, silly....
TaraMaiden is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 1:06 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaraMaiden View Post
Nice little Trolling technique you have there.....
If I was trolling wouldn't my thread by way longer and there would be a background at least?

I don't even bother going on public forum writing about my life and previous relationships. Why? It's pointless and I can solve it on my own.

I'm was only wondering in general if a BS is always the ''poor, defendless victim''. I believe in judging other by applying the ''case by case'' method.

There are cases where the BS were unbearable, obnoxious (even verbally or emotionally abusive) people in the first place and yet they see nothing wrong with their own abysmal behaviors.
PlayfulRuddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 1:19 PM   #8
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woman In Blue View Post
You're obviously young or have very little life experience. Before making such a ludicrous (and unfound) statement, go read some of the infidelity message boards and see the bullsh*t most betrayed spouses have to go through in the course of reconciliation - while the wandering spouse acts as though nothing's changed and they go right on their merry way. The betrayed has to deal with so many devastating things like trickle truth, triggers, wondering if their entire marriage has been a farce, etc. etc. etc.

Don't make immature statements when you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about.
It is understandable and I wasn't saying they don't have to go through hell with this but not all cases are like this. There are some BS who aren't completely innocent people. I think you should read the words correctly before assuming I'm an ignorant in regards to cheating. My cousin wasn't always a nice people and I heard him once yelling at his GF. This isn't how you treat a woman and yet when she cheated it was all about her and not his previous horrible behaviors?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woman In Blue View Post
What grade are you in? You're either a troll or a dumbass 18 year old.
I'm a 19 year-old college student but I know all about relationships and how they function. I don't go on cheating but neither have a woman cheated on me. Why? They would lose because for two reasons. Her cheating would barely affect my reasoning and I can proceed on finding a woman worth fighting for.

Lastly, a woman is different from us. A woman is more likely to cheat for emotional reaons than physical so there are some reasons behind it (there are always exceptions but I'm talking in general).
PlayfulRuddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 1:25 PM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Working on a clear blue summer sky, at BuddhaDhammaSangha
Posts: 22,843
Quote:
Originally Posted by PlayfulRuddy View Post
I'm a 19 year-old college student but I know all about relationships and how they function.
No you don't or you wouldn't write rubbish like this.

Lastly, a woman is different from us. A woman is more likely to cheat for emotional reaons than physical so there are some reasons behind it (there are always exceptions but I'm talking in general).[/QUOTE]

you think you know 'all about relationships' but trust me - you have no idea.

There are as many different behaviours, motives and actions in relationships as there are people in relationships.
That is to say, you have to evaluate each one, on its own merits.

And right now, you need to evaluate your attitude towards your poor GF because right now, if she's miserable, you have more than a hand in it.
You should be so proud of yourself.... Not.
Seriously, I'd finish with her, for her sake.
TaraMaiden is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 2:32 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaraMaiden View Post
And right now, you need to evaluate your attitude towards your poor GF because right now, if she's miserable, you have more than a hand in it.
You should be so proud of yourself.... Not.
Seriously, I'd finish with her, for her sake.
I will be breaking up after New Year as there isn't any fun with her. I'm tired of being her shoulders to cry on and her episodic phases.

I don't know if in person or by letter would be better. She will start the crying again and I just don't want to hear it.
PlayfulRuddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 2:34 PM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 602
Quote:
Originally Posted by PlayfulRuddy View Post
I will be breaking up after New Year as there isn't any fun with her. I'm tired of being her shoulders to cry on and her episodic phases.

I don't know if in person or by letter would be better. She will start the crying again and I just don't want to hear it.
Make your last act an honourable one - do it face-to-face.
january2010 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 2:39 PM   #12
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by january2010 View Post
Make your last act an honourable one - do it face-to-face.
What if she starts crying hysterically and keeps on holding my arms, begging me not to go?

I tried to break up with her once and she wouldn't stop crying saying life means nothing without me.
I felt bad for her so I stayed out of pity but to tell you the truth don't really think I'm in love with her (never really was). I just loved/liked her but not with those tantrums she throws.

I was thinking she would change anytime soon and the relationship would become more exciting but don't see that happening.
PlayfulRuddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 2:49 PM   #13
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 602
Quote:
Originally Posted by PlayfulRuddy View Post
What if she starts crying hysterically and keeps on holding my arms, begging me not to go?
What if you break up with her by letter and she turns up unannounced at your home/school/etc.? What if she ambushes someone you know? What if she bombards you with numerous texts?

We couldn't possibly anticipate all the "what ifs?" and prepare you for all of them. You've already decided to break up with her. All you have to do is get on with it.

Unfortunately, there's no easy way to break up with someone. She's going to be upset. But you can try to spare her some pain by not listing her faults.

Last edited by january2010; 26th December 2010 at 2:58 PM..
january2010 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 3:03 PM   #14
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Working on a clear blue summer sky, at BuddhaDhammaSangha
Posts: 22,843
As posted in your other thread.
Grow a spine, grow some balls, have some honourable redeeming features, please, and do it F2F.

Secondly - don't wait.
Why keep her hanging on in ignorance (ie, unaware of what you are going to do)?

Why be that Ignorant (ie deliberately hurtful and obtuse, and frankly pig-headed)?
TaraMaiden is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th December 2010, 3:47 PM   #15
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 750
Quote:
Originally Posted by january2010 View Post
Your life choices are exactly that: your. life. choices.

A BS doesn't get to choose whether you cheat or not.
Overly simplistic.

The OP doesn't have any idea yet what a real relationship is but the fact is that anything that's lasted a few years or more almost always takes two to maintain and two contribute to tearing it down.

The concept that we can shift the whole blame onto whoever cracks first under the pressure is silly.
112233 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
He was a victim of abuse Mary3 Abuse 3 24th December 2008 8:11 PM
Victim of a victim boshemia Abuse 0 2nd July 2008 4:13 AM
I am done acting like a little victim!! foxh1234 Coping 4 27th May 2008 5:08 PM
why are the females always the victim? john 07 Breaks and Breaking Up 2 17th May 2007 4:29 PM
Who's the Victim? Him or Me? DesertDweller The Other Man / Woman 32 8th May 2005 4:13 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:22 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.