I suspect she is cheating on me

[hommeaetage]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been with my GF for over a year now and it's been wonderful for the most part. (I said for the most part because I recently moved to Texas for school purpose, and now we basically are in a LDR)

 

Although LDR can be quite difficult at times, but we made a commitment to each other to go to the rough times in order to achieve our goal. She had my total trust until...Well, it basically appeared obvious when she went to AIT (Army training)

 

When she first got she called me whenever she had the opportunity to do so. Even when she didn't call, she texted me once in very often...(Before she left we agreed that it would be better if she calls or texts me cause I didn't want her to be in any trouble whatsoever since I heard they could confiscate her phone for weeks if they use it over and over).

 

A week has passed and I haven't gotten any news from her 'til I realized that her phone bill was due. Since we made the prior arrangements, I went online to pay her bill (I've done it before)...when I accessed her e-mail to confirm that the payment was received, I came accross some disturbing e-mail (I know, I know...I shouldn't have read them, but how many of you wouldn't have done it when you see a title like "hey baby" and you know you were not the sender. Since then I started monitoring the email account a little more often, and I realize that it's beginning to be a trend. Today makes 3 weeks since the last time I got a text from her (a vague one). Now I must say I could've let it pass and understand since she's in training and might be busy, but when you came accross emails like this:

 

Man: hey bae how r u i just wanna let u know i luv n miss u alot

GF response: I luv and miss u 2.

 

Man: hey bae i just call u but i guess u r busy but anyway ill try calling u later i gatta go back 2bed luv u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

GF:I was in formation bae. I dnt feel good , I've been throwing up.I love u !!!

Man: wow bae how r u doing now. i hope u didt eat anything bad. let me know wat time is ur lunch and i will call u ok luv u

 

GF:I'm ok now. U can call me tonight at 10 the latest. I luv u so much . Cnt wait for u to come back. Bae, I'm still waiting on what u had to tell me.I just want u to know that I love u with all my heart and I dnt want to b with no one else but u. I'm tired of the mixing feelings. I love u .

 

GF: Hey boo, just checking on u to say I miss u and luv u.

GF: Hey boo. Sorry I missed ur call. How are u?.I miss u ok. Just call me when u can. Love u a lot. Muah!

 

Man: hey sweetie how have u been. i just want to let u know how much i miss and luv u and also im calling you 2nite

 

Those are the emails for the last 3 weeks I havnt heard from her. Also, we have some mutual friends she talks to so obviously I'm the that doesn't get the calls. Now I must tell you that this guy his an army buddy in Afghanistan that she knew before we met. But she has always told me that he is a good friend of her so on and so forth. I was always skeptical because I've always wondered what kind of friend would you call whenever in your cell phone even if they charge you over $ 300 of your regular phone bill if he's not special. But I always kept a positive attitude about it because 1) I didnt have enough evidence 2) I wanted this to really work because I love her and I tried to give her my trust with the best of my abilities.

 

Now I feel betrayed and worst I feel stupid for not seeing this coming. We havn't talk about it yet since she never called of course, but mostly I still think I dnt have evidence because those e-mails are basically invasion of privacy. Thus, if I want to come out clean in the situation I must find something else to hold

[Bryanp]

It is pretty obvious she is sleeping with this guy. You judge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes. If she ever calls tell her you know the truth and stop paying her bills. If the roles were reversed I doubt she would be so accepting as you have been. Time to move on my friend.

[Binster]

Sorry pal, you know whats going on already.

Man up, dump her and stop paying for her f****ing phone calls.

 

Then stay no contact. Yes it will hurt, but your going to have to do it sometime.

Good luck.

[hommeaetage]

All my thinking and analysis have led me to the conclusion that she is cheating, and I have decided to move on. But using the emails as evidence does not seem right to me since I was not suppose to see them in the first place. I want to get out as clean as possible

[Sazerac]

It doesn't really matter whether or not you saw the emails under "legitimate" circumstances. Fact is, you have pretty damning evidence against her, and by your own admission, it's a deal breaker. Done deal. Who cares if your info was from snooping or not?

 

I concur with the other posters here. Cut her loose, quit being Mr. Moneybags, and find someone who respects and appreciates you. It sucks you're having to go through this. I feel for you, man.

 

P.S. I've yet to see a breakup that could be considered under any circumstance, "clean." They're generally sordid, messy affairs, no matter how you try to minimize the fallout.

Edited August 1, 2010 by Sazerac

[Cracker Jack]

You're correct. She is cheating on you. Now all that matters is how you're going to end this relationship.

[Bryanp]

I would ask her one more time if she is cheating on you. When she says no then read the messages to her and tell her you don't time to deal with a lying cheater who has a broken moral compass. She has been playing you and using you. Why should you make it clean? She is the one that dirtied your relationship and humiliated and disrespected you.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Why don't people spell out actual words? Is your GF like 15? The guy types like hes in 8th grade. I luv u gurllll!! Dam kids these days

[seibert253]

Be truthful, dignified, and make a clean break. If I were you it would go a little something like this.

 

"I've read your emails between you and XXXX. I'm not a fool and I know you two are more than friends. I will not tolerate deceit and dishonesty from you or anyone else. Because of this I can no longer be in any type of relationship with you. Please do not email, call, or text me ever again as I will do the same"

 

Peace and Good Luck.

[redmelon]

I think this is an instance where a break-up email is appropriate, since she is such a fan of emailing. I think you are fine to just state exactly what happened, as you were being considerate and paying her bills. Just say that you were checking for the confirmation email and saw "hey baby" in the subject line on another message and decided to see what the heck it was about, especially since you haven't heard from her.

 

I am so sorry for this shocking revelation, but you will see in time that you are better off without someone who can treat you so poorly, and that you can trust your instincts (which is a great thing). Be well.

[tornandmarried]

yeah get out while your ahead...luckily for you its only been about a year, before any deep closeness could develop....maybe shes cheating on him with you even....its up to you how you handle it...it could be fun tho, to tell her "sorry i met another girl, i just wanna be honest"

[Tryn2LookAhead]

yeah get out while your ahead...luckily for you its only been about a year, before any deep closeness could develop....maybe shes cheating on him with you even....its up to you how you handle it...it could be fun tho, to tell her "sorry i met another girl, i just wanna be honest"

 

That's a good point. OP, YOU might be the OM in this. Maybe this is just me, but I would rat her out to the other guy. Leave her with nothing like she deserves. Unless of course he's fully aware about you, then no big loss. You have his email address.

[Binster]

Just email both of them. Then move on with your life (N/C) and let them do what they want.

[hommeaetage]

Read all the posts and and I appreciate your takes in the situation. I still can't get over myself for letting this happen because I know how hard I worked to be cautious when it come to love. As minimal as they seemed to me, I should've taken account of every signal and trust my instincts.

 

yeah get out while your ahead...luckily for you its only been about a year, before any deep closeness could develop....maybe shes cheating on him with you even....its up to you how you handle it...it could be fun tho, to tell her "sorry i met another girl, i just wanna be honest"

 

There's still a part of me that keeps telling me to beat her in her own game by dragging her down. I know I've lost already, but she's not winning either

[truelovedoesnthurt]

the one thing i would say is the only bit that is really dodgey is the sweet names and the "mixed feelings bit" AND the fact she hasnt contacted YOU

 

as much as i would be REALLY scared if i found those emails, you explained that theyre from a friend in afgan and i have a male friend (we both have partners) and i tell him i love him all the time, its just something we've always done...

 

just ask her straight, tell her about the emails and how you came across them and see what she has to say. good luck

 

G x

[meerkat stew]

In your situation, would just do a generic breakup along the lines of "this relationship isn't working for me any more, and it's time we move on from each other." No need to drag in all the Emails and spend one more minute of time thinking about her, arguing with her, etc. than is necessary. Do it fast and clean, no need to give any more than a broad, general reason and just move on.

 

Sorry you had to find out this way, this person is not worth one more minute of your time.

[cookie2]

as much as i would be REALLY scared if i found those emails, you explained that theyre from a friend in afgan and i have a male friend (we both have partners) and i tell him i love him all the time, its just something we've always done...

Err, did you see the bit that said "I just want u to know that I love u with all my heart and I dnt want to b with no one else but u"??

That is definitely not what someone who's just friends would say.

[truelovedoesnthurt]

Err, did you see the bit that said "I just want u to know that I love u with all my heart and I dnt want to b with no one else but u"??

That is definitely not what someone who's just friends would say.

 

obviously i didnt read over that bit properly, i just kept reading i love you and miss you (which i think arnt that bad) but yes i agree...shes said sorry

[xpaperxcutx]

First of all, I would stop paying her bills.

 

Then I spam her email and phone number with ads.

 

Personally, I wouldn't drag everything with a confrontation because she's away and she could ignore and avoid you.

 

With all the evidence you've found, you're automatically broken up. And as much as it hurts, you're still better off not letting her know that you know about her infidelity. If there is a chance to get back at her grab at it. But in the meantime, you start letting her go, and you move on and find yourself someone new.