Waitress Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 It seems like a lot of people on here are stressed that their SO is spending time with an opposite sex friend. In reality, how often do people leave someone they're dating to get involved with a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 It seems like a lot of people on here are stressed that their SO is spending time with an opposite sex friend. In reality, how often do people leave someone they're dating to get involved with a friend? Spending time is one thing. Spending A LOT of time ALONE with one certain friend is more cause for worry. My ex left me for her best friend who she claimed was just a friend. I could sense that something was up though. Trust you spider-sense and not your insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Waitress Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 Spending time is one thing. Spending A LOT of time ALONE with one certain friend is more cause for worry. My ex left me for her best friend who she claimed was just a friend. I could sense that something was up though. Trust you spider-sense and not your insecurity. I guess it does happen. Sorry to hear that. Probably it was just a friendship at one point. Maybe they were kidding themselves or maybe it snuck up on your ex suddenly. Never seen it happen myself so I was wondering. Sorry again. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 how often do people leave someone they're dating to get involved with a friend? If the friend was previously in a relationship/marriage and now is single, I could see that happening. Circumstances dictated the appropriate behaviors surrounding what might otherwise have been a romantic relationship. From a male perspective, less likely if the friend was always single and the friendship developed. Link to post Share on other sites
Knossos Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 In reality, how often do people leave someone they're dating to get involved with a friend? It just happened to me. I can't understand or condone this kind of behavior. It's sneaky (how could you be involved with one person while having romantic feelings for a friend? It's disgusting). Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 It seems like a lot of people on here are stressed that their SO is spending time with an opposite sex friend. In reality, how often do people leave someone they're dating to get involved with a friend? It is a fair question. The problem is this. Men rarely go out of their way to spend time with women unless they are attracted to them. This is especially true of younger men. If you are a man and your GF has a close male friend, the odds are about 99% that the male friend hopes (someday) to take that friendship further. Likewise, if you are a woman whose BF has a close female friend, the odds are about 99% that the BF is attracted to the female friend. People who aren't naive recognize this fact about male behavior, and it makes them nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 And women have no attractions at all, are eminently sensible and are merely pawns in a game played only by the sexual predators of the planet, men Oh if it were only so.... Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 And women have no attractions at all, are eminently sensible and are merely pawns in a game played only by the sexual predators of the planet, men Oh if it were only so.... No, women are capable of treachery, too. But I am convinced many women have male friends who they honestly and truly have zero romantic and sexal interest in. However, I have never met a man who made much of an effort to befriend a woman for purely platonic reasons. Never. Link to post Share on other sites
StalledGirl Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 A man and woman who are best friends and don't fancy each other at all?! Yeah , right:lmao: If a man I like ever has a close female friend he's never slept with , i'll stop liking him and move on as i'm not willing to wait around for the typical conclusion of such a "friendship". Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Look at the stereotypes flying about, as so much flotsam in a windstorm. I love it. Slaves all, we are Link to post Share on other sites
Knossos Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Look at the stereotypes flying about, as so much flotsam in a windstorm. I love it. Slaves all, we are Brainwashing the populace will make for those conditions. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I have this headache. You know, the headaches are the worst Link to post Share on other sites
Knossos Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I have this headache. You know, the headaches are the worst Advil works, although beer or whiskey goes down much smoother and tastes better. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 IME, psychotropics worked the best when brainwashing delusions were evident. Altered, altered reality, kind of like stressing over SO's and opposite sex friends. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) I was really close friends with my male neighbour of 3 years. He got a gf and within a few months she told him he wasn't allowed to be my friend anymore. This was difficult since we lived right across the hall from one another! Anyway, Even though it hurt, I had to accept his decision. He did end up marrying her- and she recently tried to add me to facebook. She's one crazy bitch:rolleyes: I don't have male friends I want to have sex with- only male friends I want to be friends with:D Edited December 21, 2009 by D-Lish Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I don't have male friends I want to have sex with- only male friends I want to be friends with I think men grossly underestimate the value of platonic female friends, but that's off-topic. Glad to see it works for you. Topically, what would you say the mix of single to involved is, amongst your male friends? Obviously, one became involved and that precipitated the end of your friendship. Do you find that to be more of an exception? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I think men grossly underestimate the value of platonic female friends, but that's off-topic. Glad to see it works for you. Topically, what would you say the mix of single to involved is, amongst your male friends? Obviously, one became involved and that precipitated the end of your friendship. Do you find that to be more of an exception? Yes- this was more of an exception. The majority of my male friends have gone on to date and marry lovely women I get along fabulously with. Normally, when a male friend meets a girl, he might go missing in action for a short period of time, but that is normal. This particular girl is so crazy-insecure, and she loathes herself. BUT- he loves her with all his heart, and I had no choice but to respect that. I don't have any single male friends at the moment- only long-time friends, many of which are now married. I like 90% of their wives:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I don't have any single male friends at the moment- only long-time friends, many of which are now married. I like 90% of their wivesThat's great. Territoriality is a stereotype more closely identified in men, so, unfortunately, I haven't shared your successes, though I've tried. Single/single was no problem though. It's only succeeded (wrt relationships) when I connected well with the male or while I was married and supposedly 'safe'. Sometimes the rules and complexities of all this give me a headache and make the cat lying here look a lot more attractive Link to post Share on other sites
insecureeeyep Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) I'm dating my previous best male friend. Well, he still is, just more now. Anyhow, he had a crush on me the whole time, and I had a thing for him as well but it was in the back of my mind and I rarely thought about it or knew of it's existence. Towards the end of my previous relationship I started to have stronger feelings for him that I could no longer ignore. Looking back we were pretty flirty but I feel like it was innocent. Although, if either of us were to have "best friends" like we were best friends again I would be upset, so.... :\ p.s.- I was extremely loyal to my previous boyfriend and did everything for him. I didn't hang out with my best friend if my SO at the time or one of our friends wasn't there because of the crush that he had had for me. He didn't care about it or get jealous until we were broken up and I was hanging out with my bff/now boyfriend. Edited December 21, 2009 by insecureeeyep Link to post Share on other sites
brown47 Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 It certainly does happen, it happened to me. The fact that they appear to 'just be friends' when you trust them is an amazing smoke screen. You will know deep down something is up. Consider if there has been any change in intimacy or time together. If he/she spends hours on the Internet or buys a second phone: worry. Oh, and if you are not introduced to the best friend not welcome at meetups, worry a lot more... Link to post Share on other sites
New_Life08 Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 The only reason a person would break up with a partner for the sake of an opposite sex friend is because they are in love with the "friend". Emotional affairs. Loving someone but not enough to be in a relationship with them.... because it will ruin the "friendship". It is a co-dependence issue. It is unhealthy and it can cause a lot of problems in future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
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