MissMarie Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Ok, I found this thread by stupidly typing into google 'Why do I cheat on my boyfriend?' Why I expected a computer to help me, i don't know. Doesn't google have all the answers? I thought I would share my experiences with you and see if anyone else can help me work out 'why I cheat on my boyfriend' I will start at the beginnings of my problems. Whe I was 15, suffering from anorexia, depression (proboably because I was hungry) trying to live with really strict parents, I became friends again with a boy I had known since I was 5. When I was in my first year at school he was 5 years above me and was nominated as my mentor to show me around the school, look after me etc. He had blonde hair and blue eyes and I had a crush on him. The way a 5 year old would? He used to tell me he would lay-by me and when we were both big he would marry me. How cute, i know. Anyway he finished 6th grade then changed schools. He was a naughty child. We met again through friend when I was 15 he was 21. I didnt have any strong feelings for him. I just thought about how cool I would be having an older boyfriend with a cool car/boat and motorbike! He would pick me up from school to the awe of everyone. I would skip school and we would go to the beach together etc. We ended up staying together for just over 5 years. During that time I did fall in love with him althought he certainly didnt love me in the beginning. Whem I was 16 I ran away from home because my strict parents tried to stop me from seeing him. During our relationship I was always jealous. He manipulated me into doing thing I didnt want to to (like having a threesome when I was just 17, he told me if i didnt do it with him he would just go and do it with two other girls. I stupidly beleived him) and other things I wasn't comfortable with. He would go out of his way to make me jealous. I found out much later that he had even asked a girl friend whilst he was in another state on holidays with just guy friends of his to call me and tell me she called him and a girl answered and they were showering together. It was untrue but it still upset me sitting at home alone. During our relationship he was always extremely possesive and jealous, I wasn't even allowed to attend my fathers 50th birthday party! If i did go anywhere he would always say to me before I left that I was going to go and F*** some one else and he knew it. And for the forst 4 years I didnt but in the end I started to cheat often because he assumed I was doing it anyway! At the time, I should have left him i know. But it came down to which was better life with him which was fun sometimes or life at home with my parents which was never fun. I am 23 now and we have been broken up for 2 years. I left him for someone else. I stared seeing my current boyfriend before I had broken up with my ex. He see's now that he was a horrible boyfriend and he always says I am 'the one that got away' he showers me with gifts and money and anything I want, his logic is that he owes me for years of heartache. My current boyfriend is perfect. He is super sweet, caring, always puts me first, gives me everything I want. Our sex life isn't the best. He says he isn't a sexual person. My ex and I had sex constantly and he always complimented me and so has every other guy I have been with. He is also ver reserved, he likes staying home all of the time. Hates the beach, going out drinking and partying, everything I like to do. He doesnt stop me but he acts so sad when I have been out and it makes me feel guilty simply for doing things I like to do. I never stop him from doing anything, if he wants to see friends, go out anything. So recently I met a great guy who owns a boat lives by the beach and loves to go out and eat and party everything I like to do. I have been secretly spending time with him and the sex is great! We have made an arrangement that we should just be friends with benefits. My boyfriend is the stable marrying type and I kind of don't want to lose him. But I just cant seem to be satisfied with one person. I have read a little about the Marilyn Monroe syndrome where a female moves from relationship to relationship bettering each time. Moving to a more 'alpha' male as such. So someone that has more money, status etc and looking at my previous lovers they have improved each time. One friend has a theory about me that I am simply cheating to self sabotage. I always seem to be on the edge of being caught out. Not placing the blame on anyone else but me, I know cheating is a choice but another theory of mine is that I dont think I am worthy of my lovely current boyfriend. If he so much as passes me my hand bag or pours me a glass of water my mother exclaims about how spoilt I am! and how I dont deserve such a nice boyfriend. She has no idea about my cheating I guess she just says it because she thinks im worthless and not worth caring about. So whomever has read my long rant. Congratulations to you. I appreaciate any advice you have for me. Link to post Share on other sites
tryagaintoday Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Never justify your cheating. Just don't be in a committed relationship the moment you cheat. You are a person and your boyfriend is one as well. Please be fair to the both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 You don't deserve your boyfriend. You're really heartless. Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 hmmm.... the way i see it. boat > love Link to post Share on other sites
DollyMix Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 hmmm.... the way i see it. boat > love rofl loves it Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 The answers to why we do things in our youth that we don't understand ALWAYS LIE IN THE FAMILY OF ORIGIN. Your family was extremely controlling. That is a given if you had an eating disorder. As much as you hated that, it is what you sought out in the relationship you were using to escape them! Your first boyfriend was abusive and CONTROLLING. He made you feel worthless and not worth caring about..Hmm.who does that sound like - yep! MOM.! See the pattern?... When we are young, even though we may be miserable and want to escape, we tend to be drawn into other situations that even though they may be HELL, they are strangely familiar to us, so we are drawn to them like moths to flames...we have learned a dance, albeit a bad one, and we always fall back into it until we are aware of it, and work through the issues. You see, now you have a boyfriend who is controlling you in yet another variation on the same theme. He wants to stay in, makes YOU FEEL GUILTY for doing what you want to do....SOUND FAMILIAR??...plus, your mother likes him, so then automatically you would have to cheat on him. After all, she couldn't force you to eat, and now she can't force you to stay with a stable "marrying" kind of guy! You have to subconsciously sabotage this to show her yet again, that she can't control you.... My guess is the new FWB guy is controlling in some way too, you just don't know it yet, because that is the scenario you are unconsciously drawn into, in an attempt to subconsciously finally "work out" this core conflict in your psyche. Getting into therapy would help you get over this pattern.. Link to post Share on other sites
an hero Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Tell your boyfriend. That is the least you can do. It seems you aren't cut out for relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I think the fact you desire to cheat (and do cheat) is a smoke signal to yourself that the men you choose do not satisfy you in some way. And likely the answer to that question lies in becoming satisfied with yourself. Cheating is a big deal and can do a GREAT deal of damage to the other person in the relationship with you. So yes - cut your boyfriend loose. Link to post Share on other sites
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