BetrayedLady Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Hi good evening I am new to this forum and this is now my side of the story. It was my boyfriend that inform me about his posts as well as his friend writing for him here which I'm aware. I just needed to vent out now so please be patience, he did betrayed in the worst possible way. No I did not dump him as I'm sure many women out there would have and now we are both in counseling working this out. It was a few days before Christmas that I caught him cheating on me with the married woman. I was going to surprise him on going to see the latest movie, fact that day I was dismissed early from work. I got a copy of his house key he gave them to me long ago. Needless to say that was not what I expected, there they were at it. I just try leaving as quickly as possible ignoring his pleads into letting him explain, basically not listening to him, had no reaction to it in that moment. From then on I just proceed on crying as soon as I drove and got home. Afterwards it was him calling to apologize and forgive him, that he won't ever cheat again. After ignoring his call for 2 weeks, I decided to finally answered. I'm giving him this last chance only as I believe we are humans afterall. I want to assume it was a reckless mistake he made and the fact that we been dating for 3 years. Yes he's been there for me since and comforts me when I get sad or angry. I know many of you probably will say if he loves me then he would not have done that. But I think it is possible to make a mistake and love the person. I'm no saint, I recall one time gossiping bad things about a friend of mine. She everheard it off course but alater on forgave me. We are still friends. Even though it's not the same no more, we get along better than before. So anything's possible. Some of my friends have advice me to get drunk at a bar, bring a dude in my place and let boyfriend watch this, they called it sweet revenge. But I dont' believe in that, I don't see myself hurting him. Though he hurt me badly, it doesn't mean I have to do the same, I'm not that person anyways. Vengeances are for cowards and weak individuals. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Once a cheat, always a cheat! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I know many of you probably will say if he loves me then he would not have done that. Actually, I won't tell you that. I think it's possible that he believes he loves you in spite of what he did. I just think his idea of what "love" is, is warped. And while he may "love" you, he certainly doesn't respect you. So if the kind of "love" he has is good enough for you, and the kind of respect he doesn't have is not a dealbreaker, then good luck in your future relationship with him. But I think it is possible to make a mistake and love the person. See, I don't think that's a blanket statement that applies, or put another way, I don't think all "mistakes" are equal. If he slipped and did something by accident - that's a mistake. This wasn't an accident. This was a choice, and he never would have considered it a mistake until he was caught by you, would he? Vengeances are for cowards and weak individuals. Funny, I think affairs are too. Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 No doubt he could love you and be with another woman. Men have done this since the beginning of time. Link to post Share on other sites
ducknrun Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 No doubt he could love you and be with another woman. Men have done this since the beginning of time. That’s funny you say that because there is plenty of women who fall in that same category. If you willing to work things out then do it... I have had friends who both cheated on each other and came back stronger then before. When it’s a one party deal it’s harder to deal with. I could understand if you wanted to go hook up with someone else but realize that it won’t do anything for you. Meaningless sex doesn't do anything for you in the long-run. I can tell you it has been about 7 weeks since I caught my fiancé and I know that I probably won’t ever forget but we are still working things out. It's not an easy road to take but it is possible. People that say "once a cheater always a cheater" I think have probably been hurt before and that everyone is the same. It’s the same kind of people that believe "once a criminal always a criminal" but somehow some people stop what there doing. Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Men and women obviously cheat for different reasons. Men and women also have a different reaction to their partner cheating. Not even debatable. Unless of course the woman is bipolar, etc. Then all bets are off. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Dump him and tell the MW husband! Link to post Share on other sites
openbook08 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Once a cheat, always a cheat! Good luck agree. and youll never forget. all the best though X Link to post Share on other sites
Author BetrayedLady Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Thank you all for the imputs of this. Yes I know as stupid as it sounds I chose to work it out with him because I love him and I believe he is very remorseful at it. At the same time I can find myself having a hard time with those images, it still replays in my mind and he's there for me trying to help me erase what I saw. The only thing we done is kissed and next week he will be selling his house. Mind ya but he is here right now (yes he's been spending way more time with me than in the past), so we will be switching. He will be writing here again. Once a cheater always a cheater, no I believe some learn from it and don't do it again. Well there was one time I done it to an ex boyfriend though it was not as bad as what my boyfriend did. In my case it was me having a drunken making out along with caressing with my ex's cousin but I left when I felt it was going to lead to more. Needless to say I told my ex the next day and even though he still wanted me, I declined that offer and broke it off. I guess I did not really love him as much as I love my boyfriend else I would not have say no to him. That was basically more of an excuse to get out of the relationship. So did I ever cheated again, no never did. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Once a cheater always a cheater, no I believe some learn from it and don't do it again. Only out of fear, not out of love. I think the reason people dissuade themselves from cheating, is because they don't want to go through all the guilt, shame and aggro again. But they get temptred. Trust me, I know they do. And smoe do cheat. Again. See, sex is a powerful motivator.... Well there was one time I done it to an ex boyfriend though it was not as bad as what my boyfriend did. In my case it was me having a drunken making out along with caressing with my ex's cousin but I left when I felt it was going to lead to more. See the difference there? "I left when I felt it was going to lead to more" is different to "there they were at it." You stopped yourself in time. That's because you consciously chose to. He didn't stop himself in time. That's because he consciously chose NOT to. Needless to say I told my ex the next day and even though he still wanted me, I declined that offer and broke it off. Now there's the second difference.... You admitted the shortfall in the relationship to yourself. I guess I did not really love him as much as I love my boyfriend else I would not have say no to him. And I guess your BF doesn't love you as much as he should either, else he would have said no to her. That was basically more of an excuse to get out of the relationship. So did I ever cheated again, no never did. You had an opportunity to ditch this cheater too. The big problem about cheating, is two-fold: ONE: Whatever reasons, whatever excuses, whatever justifications a cheater gives you for either screwing another woman, or giving it up to another man, the plain blunt bottom line is, that they did it because they wanted to. They felt like it, they could, and they did. TWO: In a relationship where a partner or spouse cheats - it's not the cheating that's the problem. The cheating is a symptom of a deeper and underlying issue. Something is already amiss in the relationship, if a person cheats. And finding that real underlying cause, may not be the clincher: Putting the problem right, is the clincher. And if he won't admit to his side of the problem (cos he's the one who cheated) -then if it isn't addressed fully - it will happen again. It may be a while in coming, but don't say we didn't warn you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts