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Weird problem. My bf is obsessed with black women.


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Old 5th April 2008, 11:27 AM   #1
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Weird problem. My bf is obsessed with black women.

I'm as white as they come, and I get so jealous because my boyfriend, who is also white, is obsessed with black girls. He loves them. He watches Flavor of Love for that specific reason, has pictures of Beyonce and Tyra on his wall, has a miniature "BLACK LOVE" calendar in his desk drawer (I found it), and watches black porn EVERY DAY that I'm not here.

I don't know if this is a NEW thing, or if he's always felt this way, but it's just come out lately for some reason. Which, I don't care at all, you like who you like...but I'm pale, I have light hair and green eyes.

And the worst part is, my girl friend from the gym I go to is black, and she is admittedly very pretty, and I made the huge mistake of inviting her to go out with us last night to a party, and my stupid boyfriend didn't stop following her around all night, offering her drinks and then kept going on and on after we got home about how hot she was and how nice her boobs were, et cetera. Which is obviously highly inappropriate, and I knew he was drunk, but for God's sake, I'm his freaking girlfriend. It's not her fault but I don't think I'm going to invite her anywhere with him anymore.

Part of me just wants to say F&$% IT and tell him to go find himself a black girl if he's so in love with them. It sucks when you get all glammed up and your significant other doesn't say sh*t to you all night but compliments the crap out of your friend. I could even tell she was kind of weirded out by it, which is freaking embarrassing.

Is this just a phase or something I should be wary of? Ladies, do your boyfriends have an obsession with some other ethnicity that YOU are not? And guys, is it just some sort of fantasy or does it sound like he wants to act on it?

It's really frustrating me and I don't really know if I can handle his jerkassness much longer.
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Old 5th April 2008, 11:49 AM   #2
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Surely you deserve better than this. Cut him loose and find someone else who truly cares and respects you because he does not. Why do you wish to be in a relationship where you have to compete with your boyfriend's fetish? If you stay in this relationship your self-esteem will be destroyed. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think he would have been as accepting as you have been?
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Old 5th April 2008, 11:51 AM   #3
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If he is so obsessed with black women and makes it so obvious and blatantly known to you that's extremely disrespectful. Not only the fact that you are white, and be carrying on about loving something else. But to be paying compliments to your friends boobs where it should have been your boobs and how you looked the compliments were directed towards...period. Phase or not, this dude's got issues and the booze basically brought what's on his mind to the surface. The disrespect here alone merits booting his a$$ to the curb, but only you can determine how much you will put up with and when that line is crossed.
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Old 5th April 2008, 11:55 AM   #4
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God, I love black women too! But I don't have a mini-calendar nor do I tell my wife about how great her friends boobs looked.
He is just insensitive, but because he likes black women so much, doesn't mean he doesn't like you just as much.

And is it only considered a fetish because he is not black himself?
Does a guy that doesn't like black woman have a white fetish?
I like Asian women too, but not ALL Asian women.

I think calling it a fetish is a step too far. But oh well. Thats not the issue.

How do you know he watches black porn EVERYDAY you are not there. I mean, you are not there.

I know what you are thinking though : if he is that much into black women, will he cross that line one day while he is with you?
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Old 5th April 2008, 8:41 PM   #5
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Of course he will X that line, just takes the right circumstances.
I met a very flirtacius black girl where I was working and she was that way with all the white guys. However, I fantized about her for months but never acted on it.
Sounds like his is obsession.
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Old 5th April 2008, 8:51 PM   #6
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It's like any other obsessive attraction. If a guy constantly drools all over other women's breasts, he's rude. Same thing, if I constantly stared at mens' crotches, in front of an SO, and flirted heavily with the guy who had the biggest frontal bump.

Your b/f is a disrespectful arse. While eye candy can be entertaining, the least he can do is be discreet about it, while he's around you. He's pretty blatant in his disrespect for your feelings.
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Old 5th April 2008, 8:57 PM   #7
 
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The bright side is he's digging women. He could just as easily be into asian (near and far east), south american, eskimo, etc. At least it's women.
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Old 5th April 2008, 10:24 PM   #8
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Ooo hooo....

This guy sounds like a freak. Not because he is interested in black skinned women, I also think Beyonce is pretty, but because he acts like an ass-in-the-box.

Your friend was probably thinking WTF are you doing with him.

Does he have a capital L tattooed on his forehead?

Pale skin, light hair and green eyes sounds lovely too by the way.
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Old 6th April 2008, 3:00 AM   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by witabix View Post
Does he have a capital L tattooed on his forehead?
I do. What does it mean? Is it a bad thing?? I thought it just meant "likable" or something like that.
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Old 6th April 2008, 7:32 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johan View Post
I do. What does it mean? Is it a bad thing?? I thought it just meant "likable" or something like that.
I think in your case Johan it does......
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Old 6th April 2008, 9:49 AM   #11
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Aww hun, i know how you feel...my ex had a thing with dark haired caramel skinned latino women and as you can see i'm fair haired and dead looking totally the opposite! Makes you feel inadequate doesn't it. Especially if they go on about it a fair amount making it obvious to you. Its as though he's saying you're not his 'perfect' or 'ideal' woman which you quite naturally hope you are in his eyes or want to be. If he brings it up alot maybe its because he's insecure...possibly trying to make you jealous because you cant possibly ever be what he finds most attractive unless you went under some serious skin darkening regime. It's harsh, i'd have words with him let him know how it makes you feel..show him you're serious about how it affects your self esteem and maybe even say 'if im not what you really want then maybe we shouldn't be togeteher' see his reaction...either way you'll find out what he's really thinking. I remember saying something to my ex along them lines he laughed and said don't be daft you might not be what i usually go for but thats what caught my eye and i love you blah blah blah you know mushy stuff. lol Dont keep things inside, no matter how small. Hope ive been some help x
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