I'm soooo insanely jealous!!! :(

[kittensmittens]

I am so jealous and I don't know what to do about it! I can't afford counseling right now, and I'm in school so I don't really have time for it, but I probably do need some sort of professional help. This is the best I can do right now, so I am genuinely seeking help here (not abuse!). I don't know anyone who is even close to being as jealous as I am, and those who are jealous have usually been cheated on or something. It is ripping our relationship apart. We have broken up a few times and this issue had a whole lot to do with it every time. A LOT of our fights start because of it. I honestly believe that the relationship I have with my bf would be 50% better, AT LEAST, if this ONE issue were resolved. I'm actually embaressed about the way I am and you all are going to think I'm completely insane, but here goes.... (oh and this is gonna be sort of long, probably...sorry....)

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I KNOW he would never cheat. He tells me all the time that he thinks I'm absolutely gorgeous, and has always said that he thinks I am the MOST gorgeous woman in the entire world. I have never seen him check out another girl. In fact, sometimes when some really hot girl walks into a room he starts hugging on me to make an extra special point that he only has eyes for me...I guess...haha. (Though he hasn't done that in a while ) He never, ever, ever makes comments about other girl's appearances around me, and as far as I know, he doesn't even do that when I'm not around (so he says). He claims he doesn't look at porn (....). So if the last two statements are truthful, then at least he has the decency to lie for my sake? He also doesn't have any friends who are girls and he doesn't even work with any girls. AND....when we're watching a movie together and boobs appear on the screen, he looks over at me and tells me to let him know when they're gone....haha! (I actually happen to think that is one of the cutest things ever and I don't want him to ever quit doing that, just because it's so cute!). So why isn't this enough for me???

 

I feel I'm seriously f*cking up a good thing here. But I can't stop which makes me feel so insane and completely helpless over my own mind. I constantly obsess about what he's REALLY thinking about other girls. I have to ask him all the f*cking time if he thinks some girl is hot...it's like I'll explode if i don't ask. And if I manage to hold it in, I start to get angry about every little thing instead. I even twist good things into bad things, like when he puts all of his attention on me when a hot girl enters the room, I think things like "well he OBVIOUSLY thinks she's hot or he wouldn't do this"....ugh, I'm so crazy! I search obsessively on the computer to find any trace of evidence that he's been looking at porn. Then I think "if he is lying about that, at least he's just trying to spare my feelings". Then in less than a second I'll think "how dare he lie to my face!" Agh...crazy!). I accuse him of lying all the time. I say things like, "if you think I'M hot, how can you NOT think SHE'S hot?" or "I KNOW you think she's hot".

 

I feel like I'm destroying a precious gift. One of my closest friends once told me "it doesn't get much more perfect than that"...meaning the level of faithfulness I've got in my bf. I know she's right. I know that even if he IS lying about looking at porn or whatever, most guys wouldn't even be willing to do that. I know I shouldn't even care what he thinks about some other hot chick because it's ME he loves and he even tells me that he thinks I'm the most beautiful girl ever. I was even able to reassure myself of this for a VERY short time but then it just wasn't enough again. Thinking of him thinking about another girl that way really really bothers me. But I don't want to be that way! So why can't I stop?? I know that it is part of normal sexual behavior to have at least the occasional thought of someone else...especially for guys since evolution hasn't quite caught up to monogamy. But I don't know.....I just don't really ever think about other guys that way so for me it feels like he's less "devoted" than I am....even though he does all of those other things, that I'm so lucky to have.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I know I am insecure....but I don't think insecurity is the driving force behind all this, not entirely. But what do you do to become secure anyway? Part of the problem, which is only the part that has made it WORSE, is that he has lied to me. Before we ever started dating, when he was head over heels in love, he told me he deleted all of the porn off of his computer because "I was all he needed". So fast forward about 3 yrs....we were going through some rough times. We were fighting a lot, and I was working a lot, and he wasn't. He wasn't getting the hours he needed at work, so while I was at work, guess what he was doing (on MY computer)? Up until that point I totally trusted that he didn't ever look at porn. Then I asked him about 2 days before I accidentally found it in the history on my computer if he ever looked at that stuff. I already assumed he didn't, but just wanted the reassurance. So he said "no", then I said, "really?", and then he LOOKED ME IN THE EYES and said "no. really."......then two days later it's all over my computer. I never asked him before we started dating if he looked at porn or not. I never asked him not to. He completely offered up that information and I thought "wow! this one's a keeper!". I have never felt so stupid and lied to. How do I know everything else he tells me isn't a lie?

 

So, on top of all of my (unfounded) jealousy issues there is a lack of trust making it all worse. I am honestly NOT trying to turn this into one of those porn threads! I want to know how to stop CARING if he even does look at porn or not. For all I know, that was the first an last time he has while we were together. I have no proof that he does now, or did before then because I have certaintly gone through my history looking for old links and stuff (but, honestly, not porn!) before I found it that day. I just want to stop being so jealous. I want to stop caring that he MIGHT find some random girl or celebrity to be attractive, or she MIGHT have something I don't, or that he MIGHT fantasize about her. Other people are capable of accepting these things as normal and healthy....why can't I?? I want to stop feeling so crazy all the time. I realize this isn't normal to be so obsessive. I realize that whatever it is I'm attempting to safe-guard with this jealousy is causing more harm than good....like losing the gold to protect the silver. I imagine what it would be like to just not care anymore and it seems so liberating. Living this way is so exhausting. I sound so crazy!

 

Has anyone been through anything close to this? Does anyone have any words of wisdom that could help me get out of this state of paranoia and anger? I would really really really appreaciate some advice, but please don't just tell me to "get over it" or something to that effect. Believe me, I've tried...

[littlepiggy1]

Sounds like you could have a case of OCD*. You might want to speak to a doctor about this. If you're in school, do you have some sort of health plan?

 

* Note: I am not a mental health professional and this is not a diagnosis. Speak to a doctor.

[RecordProducer]

Hi, Kitten. I don't think you need any reassurance about his fidelity. You seem to be very bright yourself. I think this is a control issue, which is derived from your insecurity, something like the queen from Snow White who had to be the prettiest in the world; and since Snow White was prettier, she had to die.

 

Can you provide more information about your childhood, parents, siblings, etc.?

 

(Un)fortunately, you're not the only one with the problem: your boyfriend is, too. His masochistic indulgence of your requests has a pathological character as well. Him turning his head away from boobs on the screen is not cute - it's very sad. It's sad that you see a threat in everything. And he is enjoying the displays of your insecurity, because he is insecure himself; and as long as he sees you jealous, he has you in his hands.

 

Have you been like this with other guys or is he your first? Is he better-looking than yourself?

 

I agree that you need to see a therapist.

[Guest]

looks like you lost yourself in the relationship..and became extremely attached..

 

you need time for yourself to rediscover your old self.

 

You can't be in a relationship unless your a whole person who loves themself..

[kittensmittens]

If you're in school, do you have some sort of health plan?

 

Yes, and no. I have a health plan through my dad's work but it's dumb, so I can only use it w/ dr.'s from my hometown (2 hrs away) or in the town near me which is 45 mins away....it's really hard to explain. There is counseling offered on campus but that's sort of complicated too...I think you have to have the school's insurance... :/

 

I think this is a control issue, which is derived from your insecurity, something like the queen from Snow White who had to be the prettiest in the world; and since Snow White was prettier, she had to die.

 

I think you're probably right. I have made the realization in the past that I have been too controlling w/ him and I definitely feel like I have to control what he's thinking (who he's thinking about...) which is of course impossible and just plain wrong to try and do so. I know it's only an illusion of control and that the more control I try to gain, the more I lose instead by pushing him away. So why can't I stop?? Ugh, I'm so pathetic.

 

Can you provide more information about your childhood, parents, siblings, etc.?

 

Hmm...parents divorced when I was 10, mom was an alcoholic (yes I know...codependence, that's there too), only child.

 

Have you been like this with other guys or is he your first? Is he better-looking than yourself?

 

He is the only guy I have been with in any way at all. No he is not better looking. In fact he was in "disbelief" that I would even come over to his house to hang out in the begining. He thought I was "too hot" for him. I know I'm not a terrible looking person, I have even been approached by photographers to model for them, but I still feel incredibly insecure a lot of the time. I really do feel threatened by supermodels, actresses and even random girls in the grocery store. I feel like they are somehow better than me, more intriguing, more appealing, and I'm just bla. He says that if I had a direct link to his brain and I could see me exactly how he sees me, see just how attracted to me he is, I would never have this problem again. I just can't see myself however it is he sees me. And in the end I make them more attractive than a pile of sniveling insecurity. Ugh...pathetic!

 

And he is enjoying the displays of your insecurity, because he is insecure himself; and as long as he sees you jealous, he has you in his hands.

 

Actually, as I have said, we have broken up several times over it. We end up sleeping in different rooms of the apartment because of it. He gets very very upset and angry when I act jealous. He says that it makes him extremely uncomfortable and he feels like I just don't even hear anything he says when he tries to compliment me or when he tells me he doesn't care about anyone else or what they look like. I don't know exactly what's going on in his head, of course, but I honestly don't think he is enjoying it. I really do think he would be much happier if I weren't this way. I think we both would. And the boob thing is really more of a silly thing. He did it before I ever started acting jealous and I have never requested that he do that.

 

:/

[RecordProducer]

OK, Kitten, I am far away from you so the only way I can help you is to suggest my opinion. I think you feel like you're not good enough as a human being and you're projecting this desire on your boyfriend. Every child needs to be the best for their parents. And it's not in the words they pronounce, but in the actions they show. You apparently never felt special enough for your parents. Plus, you must be very sensitive and emotional by nature. You probably like to talk about life matters and read between the lines. You're a philosopher more than a concrete person. So you need validation of your worth. It's nothing strange. I just don't know how to help you right now, but I am sure if you could get a hold of a therapist, he or she could help you.

[claudia2000ca]

Kitten when I read your post it was like you were telling my story. I am exactly the same as you and in the same situation, but with slightly different senarios. For example I dont have a problem with my bf watching porn because my bf does not watch porn, but i do have a problem when pretty girls are near us or are on tv. I get so insecure when we go to the mall, restaurant and i see another girl whos hotter than me.

Let me start of by telling you that past relationships or early childhood problems do not have an impact on the way we behave, trust me. Its about who you are and how much you love the person.

 

My parents got divorced when i was 8 and with my ex boyfriend i was not jealous or insecure at all. But with this bf i have now I get so insecure and jealous all the time. We fight alot, but the only difference between your bf and mine is that mine actually makes comments when a pretty girl is on the tv and i know he only does so i can finally get sick and tired, but when he does it he looks at me, laughs and hugs me in a funny way, ( i dont know its kinda hard to explain) but its soo cute.

 

Also Im cuban and my bf likes MAria Sharapova the tennis player, so now im insecure because all i think is that he likes russian girls, So now if i see a russian girl or a pretty blonde girl i start going insane, and make up thoughts in my mind about how he prefers to be with them more than me. My hair is blonde but im not natural, Im 5'4 and he's 6'2 and ive noticed that hes more attracted to tall girls. SO I wonder what the hell is he doing with me.

 

But anyways, due to all my problems we have gotten to the point of breaking up. He tells me Im too possessive and contolling, that he baiscally does not have a social life or a life with me. We dont go to clubs, or to parties just to avoid hot girls. I know He loves me so much but he wanst me to change.

 

So about two weeks ago i had to put an end to all of it because it was ruining my relationship. The funny thing is that my bf has never given me any reasons for me to be like this. He doesnt go out with friends, he does not go out by himself and He has few or no female friends. The only time he goes out, is with me and my family and thats it.

 

So why are we like this??? Its because we cant accept the fact that our bfs are also individual human beings who need a life and who need to be independent. They need to hang out with his buddies, they need to play sports, and do any hobby thet like. Taking that waya from him is a big NO NO!!

There is nothing less sexy than a girl who is not secure of herself, when you learn how to love yourself you will feel much better and you will be able to enjoy your relationship much more. Let him have female friends, it will make him realize how lucky he is to have you.

Also you do not need any councelling all you need it to take a deep breath and say to yourself that there is no one in the world better than you. Sure there will be other girls who are prettier that you everywhere, like there are prettier girls than me but those girls are not you , they dont think the way you do, they dont act the way you do, and they dont look like you, that is what makes you , you. A UNIQUE PERSON.

Your bf does not like you just for your looks, he likes you for who you are. Looks will come and go but who you are on the inside will stay that way forever. Women have to be intelligent with men, Men are like horses when they know you are scared they will weaken and fall, but when u are secure they'll ride like a stallion. remember that. So in other words, when they know you are scared they will cheat on you, when they know you are secure they will not!

 

And what is it with him looking away when he sees a naked girl on tv, hunny they are all fakeeeeeeeeeee, all makeup , all surgery. Yes, that can be attractive but its all platonic. Next time that happens let him see, the less you care about all that stuff the more he'll be into you, the more he'll be like "watever".

Now with him watching porn, I would feel the same way as you if my bf watched porn. But if he does it look at it in a positive way, he's looking for positions or ways to do it with you, he's just learning. There is nothing bad with that, now if he jerks off then i would be kinda offended lol!

 

Its so important for you to change , specially when you guys live together...all the fighting will drift him away. Trust me Ive been two years with my bf , we dont live together, but my bf has gotten tired of my insecurities. So thats my I joined here and wrote my post and ive gotten really good comments from other people that have a point in all they say.

So just keep that in mind, and if you say people approach you for modelling, please feel better about yourself , you probably do look like a model and are gorgeous.

Its so funny because ive gotten approached by hair dressers and poeple that want to do a photoshoot with me. I won a Miss Cuba Pagent and Im still insecure. WONDER HOW THAT WORKS!!! lol

Anyways hope this feels a bit better, keep in touch i want to know how you are doing.

 

Byeee

[poorlittlefish]

Reading your situation was just the same as it was with my husband. He would always turn away from boobs etc on the TV. I never asked him to, he just said he had no interest in looking and to be honest, I was relieved. I thought it was thoughtful and respectful and personally I don't think that should be seen as a problem. I have no interest in looking at other men's naked bodies (not that you get to see much of men that way on TV) so it wouldn't bother me to turn away.

 

My husband never gave me reason to think he was cheating on me, using porn or ogling women but I would never believe him. I think if you don't feel you're "good enough" for your partner then you feel that they must think that too and must therefore be comparing you unfavourably with other women.

 

Some women are overweight and unattractive but they have the self-esteem I can only dream about. Those who think a lot of themselves (in a good way) don't seem to have problems with jealousy but with me it doesn't matter how many compliments I get, they are all forgotten the second I see someone I regard as more attractive because I don't see myself as being "worthy" of love or fidelity.

 

In fact, I actually wonder that there must be something wrong with anyone who shows an interest in me. In a way I pity them for thinking I'm nice and I just spend the whole time wondering how long it'll be before they wake up to themselves and cheat on me!!! It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe!

 

Having said that, I have never been with a jealous man and in a way, I wish I was because to me it says they care. If they're jealous then they care about losing you, care about you having sex with someone else, care enough to not want anything like that to happen. If they're never jealous then they obviously don't give a damn and maybe I should do what I like! Seriously, if a boyfriend has any kind of feeling for the girl he's with, how can he not mind if she goes out with other men???

[megnog]

OKAY, let me just say reading this whole thing was like a sigh of relief. i know you feel terrible but i feel the EXACT same way. its absolutely ridiculous and its like we know it but we can't help it.

 

i used to have a boyfriend that would look away at boobs and stuff. we would go to concerts and festivals and those girls would get on guys shoulders and take off their tops and he would just look at me with a scared expression. ha.

 

but i'm dating this guy now for 3 1/2 years and i still have all these problems. unfortunately he doesn't look away at these such things but expects me to cover my eyes when a guys butt is being shown! also, he watches porn which i haven't really gotten on his case about because honestly, i didn't know guys could just NOT watch porn. it was always made to be a necessity from what i was told ... ALSO unfortunately me and my current bf were watching a movie or something on his computer when something pops up with his downloading system saying "UNABLE TO DOWNLOAD THIS FILE" and it was a porn file called "sorority sex kittens".

i was crushed and i showed it. not only because it was porn but because i know a girl in a sorority that he has told me he thought was pretty and it just reminds me of that whole thing and i freaked out really.

 

i really wish it could just go away. me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up now because of these insecurity and jealousy problems. the few parties we have been to, i get so jealous when there are a bunch of pretty girls around. i'm so crazy i can't even bring him around my sister because of fear he will like her! TOP THAT!!! its ridiculous, it really is.

 

anyway i don't really have some great advice that will change your life. i just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. i do wish i could be a "cool girlfriend" (thats what i call them) and just not care. i wish there was some pill i could get that would just STOP me from caring. it would seem liberating if we could just relax, wouldn't it??

[Guest]

Your posts all tell my story. My husband is a very patient and understanding man. We've been together 8 years now, married 5. It hasn't gotten any better then day 1 that we got together.

 

Because of the pain of jealousy, the thoughts of him cheating that won't leave my head, the sheer ideas of porn driving me insane and of course the ideas that if I don't change I am for sure going to be dropped and he will find someone better - I can never relax.

 

The feelings get so intense sometimes that it really feels like it is happening, like he is cheating and my head will find reasons to believe it despite it being completely impossible (time restraints etc.). This imagined pain has driven me as far as to cheat on him emotionally (EA) because instead of asking him for more reassurance and being the "uncool" wife in acting that way I just projected that need onto another to sort of "spread out" my need for love and affection (since I can just never get enough to quench my need for it).

 

I told him about the EA, and the next one and next one after that. He stayed with me beleive it or not. I decided that before I lose him I need to do something... anything to stop myself from hurting him again. I love him so much.

 

I am in therapy now. Post-Traumatic Stress Symptoms is what my therapist said was mostly my problem, though I "show signs of" Borderline Personality Disorder. I was not diagnosed with a disorder since the therapist said it wasn't quite that far yet but had certain things not happened to "save" me along the way I could have possibly wound up with one of them. I had no idea that the problem with my jealousy was so deep rooted.

 

Seriously. Get a therapist and help yourself. I know the hell you are in and its too painful not to get help.

[poorlittlefish]

That's the thing, isn't it: those of us who go through such torment care too much. Other folks seem to be able to turn their feelings on and off but I can't do that. I wish I could, my life would be a lot happier.

[polywog]

Hi kitten,

I agree with everything that recordproducer said. I also think that you need to absolutely see a therapist about your jealousy. It's making you miserable, and you don't deserve to be eaten up by it. A therapist could either find the roots of the problem, or maybe better, work on Behavior modification. The poster who suggested that you have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) could be right. You owe it to yourself to find out and heal. Please give therapy serious consideration, and best of luck to you. I'll be rooting for you to feel better, because you don't deserve to feel so miserable.

[Carbine]

Hey Kitten...I was very similar to you, and it ended up driving me and my boyfriend apart. I look back now and ask myself if I could have been different and I know deep down that I wouldn't have been capable of sucking down my rage or acting like everything was ok. My jealousy was way too strong.

 

The ex and i have tried to remain friends, but he says he'll never take me back. Even as friends, he won't tolerate my insecure behaviour. It nearly drives me insane and I'd do anything to get back together with him. I've developed a few method of coping - I don't suggest you follow them because they're probably not too good for your mental/emotional health - but you DID ask.

 

Firstly (this is the dumbest method i can think of) I pretend to be bisexual and pretend to him that I enjoy watching porn and looking at hot women gets me off. Yeah I know, how ridiculous can I be? It's seemed to fool him, though. At least for the moment.

 

Secondly, the only way I could stop my jealous rage completely taking over was to stop comparing myself to better looking girls. I guess most people do this by telling themselves that they're beautiful in their own way, etc. I did the opposite. I told myself "Just deal with the fact that you're not in their league and never will be. No matter what you do, he'll always go for girls that look that way and you can't compete. Just accept the fact that you're third rate and nothing will ever change that. You're 25 now and past your prime. Etc". It'll never completely solve my jealousy but at least it's killed all hope inside me which has in turn killed a lot of my feelings.

 

Sorry hun, wish I could've offered suggestions that were a bit more positive but I can't. Hope it all works out for you.

 

PS. Anyone who tells you to "just accept it" should be given a right bollocking. Acceptance generally comes about through experience and over time. It shouldn't be confused with simply suppressing your feelings. But go for it if you want to **** up your emotional wellbeing even more.

[kittensmittens]

Oh no! I didn't mean to ignore everyone....I guess this thread was just pushed way down everytime I time I got on this site. Sorry!

 

Thank you all so much for your comments. I've made it to a therapist a couple of times and I'm still working through all of this on my own as well. I know that this is no way to live and I have resolved to change. I even promised him that I will stop with the jealousy and control. It's gonna be a really hard promise to keep, but I intend to keep it.

 

I can see way too clearly that the way I've been acting is causing the very damage I'm trying to prevent and that the control is completely an illusion. I keep on acting like I can't control how I feel, think, act out, etc.....but I somehow think I'm going to control what someone ELSE is thinking?? Makes no sense.

 

If it helps anyone else, here's what I've been telling myself. There are some things in life that you just HAVE to accept. I don't like that terrorists, car crashes, natural disasters, and animal testing all exist. I don't like knowing that a lot of the people I love WILL die someday and that plenty of them will probably die before me. But, as terribly upsetting as these things can be, I don't dwell on them day in and day out. Not worrying about them constantly doesn't make them go away, and it doesn't make the threat of physical danger or emotional pain less real. But if I were to worry about them constantly I would have no life or sanity to worry about protecting with worry.

 

Hot women and men's fantasies fall into this category. Things that you don't like, don't have to like, BUT MUST ACCEPT. It doesn't necessarily mean bad things won't happen to you, but not obsessing over them is a risk you have to take in order to live your life. Essentially, my unhappiness would be gauranteed, whereas not worrying doesn't gaurantee anything except a chance at happiness.

 

I'm not telling anyone they should think this way too....it just seems to be helping me if even just a little. And that one came to me w/out counseling, thank you very much.

[kittensmittens]

the few parties we have been to, i get so jealous when there are a bunch of pretty girls around. i'm so crazy i can't even bring him around my sister because of fear he will like her! TOP THAT!!! its ridiculous, it really is.

 

Ok...I won't order any fashion magazines (even though I want to) for fear that he'll use them as...ahem... "reading material". I think I win. Haha.

 

I'm working on it though....

 

also, he watches porn which i haven't really gotten on his case about because honestly, i didn't know guys could just NOT watch porn. it was always made to be a necessity from what i was told ...

 

Megnog, I can relate to your whole story so much it's scary. And that goes for a lot of you who posted, actually. We should form a support group...haha! If it makes you feel any better, I have been doing lots of research lately and I've been questioning all of my guy friends on this one. Several of them now have said that if they had a gf who was upset at the thought of them looking at that stuff and she asked him not to do that anymore out of respect for her feelings that they would indeed stop. So this instills hope in me that it IS possible to have a bf who can and will be willing to respect his gf's feelings on the subject of porn.

 

I've been trying and trying to come to terms with this porn thing. Many women out there have absolutely no problem with their men watching porn and even watch with him or by themselves. If that's what works for them great...seriously. I wish I could be that way, but I'm just not. I realize a lot of the other sh*t--which really and truly IS sh*t--like caring about whether or not he's thinking about some dumb celebrity, stems from my insecurity and has nothing to do with him. Needing to control his every thought and glance is my own insecurity. But with porn....I've realized the issue goes deeper than self-esteem and insecurities. It has more to do with devaluing a loving gift, devaluing the meaning behind what I give to him and what he gives to me. Not everyone feels this way and that's fine for them. But I finally explained how I feel about this to him and he replied with "I completely understand how you feel and I'll delete all of it". So we'll see how this goes. As I've mentioned I have some trust issues with him...so we'll just see. But I believe it is entirely possible that he is telling the truth. And if not, there are other men who will be when they tell me that.

 

Some women are overweight and unattractive but they have the self-esteem I can only dream about. Those who think a lot of themselves (in a good way) don't seem to have problems with jealousy but with me it doesn't matter how many compliments I get, they are all forgotten the second I see someone I regard as more attractive because I don't see myself as being "worthy" of love or fidelity.

 

I know exactly what you mean! There is a girl in one of my classes and, I really don't want to be mean, but she is just downright goofy looking. Yet I get really intimidated when I'm around her or talking to her just because she is soooo f*cking confident! She has an air about her like she's absolutely certain she's something to envy.....and ironically that IS what makes her enviable. If only I could get this concept through my thick head (and get it to stick). I just always assume people have thought the worst of me before I even give them a chance to see the best.

 

Having said that, I have never been with a jealous man and in a way, I wish I was because to me it says they care. If they're jealous then they care about losing you, care about you having sex with someone else, care enough to not want anything like that to happen. If they're never jealous then they obviously don't give a damn and maybe I should do what I like! Seriously, if a boyfriend has any kind of feeling for the girl he's with, how can he not mind if she goes out with other men???

 

I feel the same way. I'm pretty sure it's warped thinking though. You should read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It's loaded with stereotypes, but men and women really do think differently. For men, I think, not worrying and not showing jealousy is their way of showing they trust you, which IS their way of showing they care. For women, we think, "how can you care about someone and NOT worry about them"? My bf has been cheated on by all of his past gf's. When we first started dating he would get a little jumpy when I would talk to male friends, but now he never shows that he mistrusts me. He never panics anymore if I go to hang out with them, which irritates me as much as it inspires me....haha!