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Why are some men unattached, and unemotional?


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Old 10th August 2006, 11:06 AM   #1
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Why are some men unattached, and unemotional?

Why are some men in relationships unattached and unemotional. What does it take for you guys to open up and allow themselves to feel? How long can a man be in a relationship and be unattached and unemotional? Is there a reason behind this? Men help me out on this one. And women if you can put your input, that would be great.

Thanks in advance.
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Old 10th August 2006, 11:38 AM   #2
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Could be:

1) Fear of getting hurt.

2) Bad experiences, learned to be "cold" from childhood.

3) He's just a jerk, thinks if he doesn't "try," you'll try that much harder.

3) Mental problems.
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Old 10th August 2006, 11:38 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cliche23
Why are some men in relationships unattached and unemotional.
Experience.
Quote:
What does it take for you guys to open up and allow themselves to feel?
Trust
Quote:
How long can a man be in a relationship and be unattached and unemotional?
Entirely depends on the people involved and the health of the relationship.
Quote:
Is there a reason behind this?
Yes. This goes to the heart of what some women say they want, and what they actually do want.

If a guy is open, and wears his "heart on his sleeve," he's often criticized by his SO as weak.

But if a guy keeps his feelings to himself, then he's a cold, unemotional bastard.

Speaking from personal experience only, it's far better for me to keep my emotions in check. I've been scalded by too many women, too many times, when I finally opened up and ended up on the receiving end of a rant calling me spineless.
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Old 10th August 2006, 11:38 AM   #4
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Oh gawd... this is a GREAT question...

especially this part:
Quote:
How long can a man be in a relationship and be unattached and unemotional? Is there a reason behind this?
Currently, I am dealing with this same issue, so please, spill it!
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Old 10th August 2006, 11:59 AM   #5
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One thing I can say that I am the type of individual that everyone can open up too, well besides my boyfriend. It seems to me that something is holding him back. I do what I can to make him feel completely comfortable, and I honestly feel if he opened up and allowed himself to feel it would make me feel a bit more secure in this relationship. I do what I can to make him feel totally secure, and I have come to conclusion that it cannot be me. I am the kind of person where everyone even strangers open up to me and express their feelings, I am the type to make others feel good and I work hard to put a smile on someone's face. You can ask all of my friends and relatives. With my boyfriend this is hard work, but I am willing to try and be completely patient with him.
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Old 10th August 2006, 12:14 PM   #6
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Gender conditioning.
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Old 10th August 2006, 2:30 PM   #7
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This is really a silly question. Why? Well, because you really don't need to know it as a woman.

Example? Why, yes, thank you.

Answer, if the man shows his emotions he will the thought of as weak.

If the man does not show his emotions he is thought of as cold and distant.

The fact is most men lack the experience to master the happy medium. It is only through experience that men learn to show (feign is a better word) emotions and still portrat the macho image.

How long can a man keep this up? Answer: A long time, a very long time as in a lifetime.

-Sapiens
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Old 10th August 2006, 3:31 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Cliche23 View Post
One thing I can say that I am the type of individual that everyone can open up too, well besides my boyfriend. It seems to me that something is holding him back. I do what I can to make him feel completely comfortable, and I honestly feel if he opened up and allowed himself to feel it would make me feel a bit more secure in this relationship. I do what I can to make him feel totally secure, and I have come to conclusion that it cannot be me. I am the kind of person where everyone even strangers open up to me and express their feelings, I am the type to make others feel good and I work hard to put a smile on someone's face. You can ask all of my friends and relatives. With my boyfriend this is hard work, but I am willing to try and be completely patient with him.
Often it's not worth the patience.

People lock themselves in their shells for various reasons that might not be so romantic as "fear of broken heart" or "hurt in the past".

He simply might be hiding his thoughts and feelings, because he's not so proud of them. He might be intellectually inferior. He might fear your judgment for a good reason. He might pretend to be mysterious and closed while is actually empty on the inside.

I've had a BF long time ago that was reserved and these were exactly the reasons why he was like that.

My hubby doesn't tell me everything from his past, but I can't call him reserved. He is talkative otherwise. If asked about intimate things from his past, he does tell, but not in too many details.
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Old 10th August 2006, 3:35 PM   #9
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IMO It isn't just men who can be unattached and unemotional
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Old 10th August 2006, 3:41 PM   #10
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who knows it could be due to his upbringing or just the way his personality is.
Im surprised he was able to get as far to being your bf with being closed of.
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Old 10th August 2006, 4:21 PM   #11
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I agree with RP. Some people are just emotionally shallow. He might not have anything to open up.
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Old 11th August 2006, 2:05 PM   #12
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So guys tell me what does a woman have to do to literally gain your trust. As far as my relationship is concerned I allow my boyfriend into my world letting him know just about everything. My mom tells me I am too honest, but honesty is the best policy right. I mean come I understand that most men were raised to suppress their feelings, but you would rather be in a relationship with someone you want to be with and not allow yourself to open up, why be in a relationship? Don't get me wrong I have been hurt myself but I alway open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone who will be good to me just like I have been to others. Instead of holding on to past hurts, I move on from there. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/image...eusa_think.gif
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